A phone alert from Apple News just gave me a deep, intimate insight on an elderly person’s prostate health

28 comments

1. I wonder how long he’s been on the waiting list?

2. What is it about Apple News that keeps you from uninstalling it? I found it to be the most useless nonsense.

3. Benign prostatic hypertrophy

4. Imagine getting to stick your finger up the king’s arse.

5. Maybe we should start to de-stigmatise normal human procedures instead of being prudes about it. Then people might actually stop ignoring issues and be treated before prostate cancers kill them.

6. Hope the doctor has thinner fingers than Charles.

7. Do we get a bank holiday?

8. r/boringnewsday anyone?

9. You got a news story all I get is Shite about buying homes in the countryside as if I could ever afford one

10. BBC sent out a breaking news notification on their app for Schofield coming out…

11. If it’s as big as his fingers it’s probably good to get it sorted

12. Who fucking cares (about king bawbag not the op)

13. Dead within the year then.

14. Wait, the King is in hospital for “prostate surgery”
    Kate Middleton is also in hospital for “abdominal surgery”

    Did things get kinky at the Palace?

15. I hope they use this PR opportunity to help spread the word about how prevalent prostate cancer is, and how treatable it is if caught early.

    I’m unlucky enough to have it looming – my grandad had it, and at the moment my dad & 2 uncles are having treatment. More or less guaranteed it myself now.

16. His ‘public engagements will be postponed’- sounds like a euphemism for the procedure.

17. News just in, person attends medical appointment.

18. I wonder if he closes his eyes and thinks of England

19. New just in: The King needs milking!

20. Kate’s in hospital too.

    Not NHS of course.

21. *”Hey, Charlie! Want to see a magic trick? Feel the finger? Look, no hands!”*

22. Seems like some human maintenance is going on at Westminster

23. He’s the King, why are you surprised?

24. Someone’s going to wear the king of England like an oversized finger puppet and this makes me happy.

25. If you have a prostate issue it doesn’t need fingers it needs a scan. This is really a negative myth about prostrates

26. It’s officially called “Lying-In-Prostate” the public will have a chance to visit, observe and pay their respects before the operation. I’m told Philip Schofield will be at the head of the queue.

27. I’d like the chance to opt in to this news. Not have it rammed down my throat.

28. I guess it’s a slow news day, I had one pop up from the Guardian earlier saying “What’s the cause of all this cold weather and how long will it last?” It’s winter, it happens every year, it’ll probably last until some time in February or maybe March