My wife just woke me to say “a killer ape has escaped from the local wildlife park ” and what am I going to do if it attacks her?
by NankipooBit8066
My wife just woke me to say “a killer ape has escaped from the local wildlife park ” and what am I going to do if it attacks her?
by NankipooBit8066
22 comments
OK – she’s now knows she over reacted to something she half-heard on the local radio when she was still half-asleep thirty minutes ago. The ‘killer ape’ is only a tiny fruit-eating monkey.
Does any vet or wildlife expert know how – or if – we can try to trap it if it does turn up in our garden?
Run
In the unlikely scenario that it locates your wife and attacks her, you have to fight the monkey.
I’d be more concerned about the fact your local radio doesn’t know the HUGE difference between an ape and a monkey.
Sackless reporting, may as well be the Newcastle chronicle, a specific hatred of mine. Aggressively tabloid.
Dreams are when the brain mixes up files by mistake during filing process when asleep.
Why do this would be different to other hypothetical questions asked by wives? Just lie through your teeth – say wherever she expects.
If it helps I would 100 percent use my wife as bait then run away. Shed understand.
I think
Wish the ape good luck.
Remember… you don’t need to outrun the killer ape. You just need to outrun your wife.
As long as you can dodge or jump over the barrels as it throws them down the scaffolding, you should be fine.
“do you prefer Green grapes or red grapes for the hospital visit?”
Hopefully it stumbles upon someone from Hartlepool.
“Live stream it”
Just tell her to call Godzilla.
Well…what is your ‘Killer ape attacks wife” plan?
I’d recommend writing a strongly worded letter, clearly stating your disapproval.
Well? What *are* you going to do?
Fella, this is your chance to tell her how you would pay your life on the line to protect her. This isn’t like ‘what would you do if there was a mugger’. You can say anything you liked and you never have to deliver on it.
Is your wife Karl pilkington?
I wonder if she’d feel better if I showed her macaque?
Tbh I’d probably have responded saying if it attacked her, I’d be able to get some sleep and not be woken up to answer pointless questions about hypothetical scenarios that will never happen.
Mine’s all in a panic about the draft
film it..