Following the increase in MUP announced last week, a group of concerned citizens in Cumbernauld have announced that they will be opening a “booze bank”.
Rab, a spokesned for Cumbernauld Residents Union (CRU), told us that “We’ve already kicked the homeless out of the old community centre and have started stockpiling home brew kits and discount voddie from Carlisle. We’ve also kidnapped one of the monks from Buckfast Abbey and locked him in the toilet with a crate of Vimto and telt him hes no allowed out until he gets us a supply sorted.”
The group has registered as a charity and successfully applied for a communities grant. When questioned about the appropriacy of this appropriation, the manager of the local Business Improvement Service, who inadvertently assisted with the application said “To be honest, I went to school with Rab and as far as I knew he couldn’t read or write. So I thought there’d be no harm in giving him the forms.”
Initially the application was rejected, but Rab successfully argued his case in an appeal hearing – establishing that alcoholic beverages were a type of food and drink and could therefore be stocked by a “food bank”. A disappointed Council Officer confirmed that they would now be providing a £10k grant across the first twelve months of operation, adding only that “the acumen shown in organising this and successfully obtaining a grant shows that, if nothing else, living on our benefits system trains people to navigate complex systems and significantly contributed to the development of critical thinking and analysis.”
Moira, the centre manager, allowed us to tour the facility, which resembles the back aisle of an Aldi. She tells us that they promote a green ‘bring your own container’ policy and has “seen people come back again and again with the same plastic bag and straw.”
Plans are underway to expand the scheme to other schemes.
by GodofTuesday
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