My last Call Centre Bingo Card post was well received, but many fairly said you could make one for customers too. So here’s one for them so we can all have a laugh at each other!

by RideTheWaveFantastic

35 comments

  3. > Finish @ 5, call comes in @ 4:59:57

    Back in my call centre days I would just keep pressing the dial/hang up button from 4:45 to keep putting myself at the back of the queue to receive a call.

  5. Worked in a call centre and my colleague once got “I don’t want to do any data protection rubbish, how about you give me half my postcode so I know who you are” They had called us

  7. I recognise all but one of those (never had to do any upselling, thank you sweet merciful lord). You missed the biggest one of all – unless it’s the one hidden behind “FREE!” –

    ‘Calls for help then fights you to the bitter end to reject the help you are sincerely trying to give (your fault)’

    I do not miss phone work. Once in a while you got the satisfaction of helping someone, but not very often. Still, it motivated me to get my life in order and start learning some commerically useful skills.

  8. What does the customer have to do to get the Ghostbusters crossed off?

  9. Can I suggest “Reads out card number in groups of 3”? That one always stuck with me.

  10. I used to manage our company phone system and made sure inbound calls would cut off at 4.58 to allow for the system to update and prevent anything coming through just before 5!

  11. Call centre are you calling them or are they calling you if it’s the former then I have no sympathy whatsoever

  13. I love this lol 😂 also your handwriting is great!

  14. I’ve used “I’m not angry at you” quite a lot – I’m not sure if that’s good or bad!

  15. Ah call centres, the closest thing to absolute hell on earth. It even has the little demons that love it there and ensure it stays horrible for everyone else

  16. What’s wrong with my phonetic alphabet? It’s perfectly logical and consistent. For example:

    P for Pterodactyl

    X for Xylophone

    Q for Queue

  17. As you’re in on the ground floor, do you know if there is ever a time where the company isn’t “receiving an unusually large volume of calls at the moment”?

    I’m not usually one for conspiracies, but I’ve called up companies at many different times and days and I’ve never ***not*** had that message (not including places that don’t ever do it, like when on hold to the GP).

    I reckon that message is just on there 24/7 to make the customer feel like the wait is somehow their fault for calling at the wrong time.

  18. I agree with all of these other than ‘I’m not angry at you’ because it I am always surprised by the amount of times the call centre worker assumes my complaint is directly squarely at them.

    “My (insert utility) is always down and you never seem to be able to get it working”

    “Well, it isn’t actually me, I don’t control the broadband I just work in the call centre” said with an over-arched upward inflection.

    I am aware that you aren’t literally up a telegraph poll at this very moment, or designing the infrastructure for x broadband provider.

    So I therefore find myself having to caveat any call about a technical issue with this sort of stuff, just so that I don’t offend.

  19. I feel I’ve done most of these (as a customer) in the last few days… I feel really bad, but these companies were simply maddening. Thinking specifically about ‘easylife’, which I simply cannot understand how they (not the call centre people, the company managers) are not in prison.

  20. I had the person in a bath while on a call. That was weird.

    You’re missing casual racism. I used to get that a LOT. 

    Or ‘THIS CALL WAS BROUGHT TO YOU BY WEQ4U’ which every single time gave me a heart attack. 

  21. Have had all of them multiple times in the past, especially call went well, bad review, why the company ever thought call surveys for the complaints team was a good idea I have no idea. They ended after a few months when they realised how pointless it was.

  22. Finish at 5 call comes in at 4:59.

    Yeah that was me and I was waiting on your stupid call waiting system since 3:30, thanks for hanging up!

  23. Well nobody will get full house. Since when do customers give compliments?

  24. I had an artist yesterday and sat flicking through Google images looking at his crap art that let him buy a Range Rover thinking who buys this crap

  25. Someone calling to pay their bill but having to go get their card. You called us! Why don’t you have your card with you!

  27. “Can I speak to a manager?” (you transfer the call to the colleague next to you)

  28. I used to get a weirdly high number of people who would ring up and give their name as “John Wayne” or “James Bond” or the like and then get mad when I wouldn’t give them the account info because that wasn’t the registered name. Also one guy who gave his (real) name as “Barry” and then was apoplectic that I called him Barry instead of “Mr Smith”.

  30. I love a bingo card where the free square is the hardest one to get.

  31. > Caller uses weird phonetic spelling.

    I once had to read out my postcode: “Alpha Bravo…”

    Call Agent got antsy with me because “A for Bravo” was wrong.

  32. Free: wants to log a grievance about you specifically.
    Free I got this week: angry that I was working from home. No, really.

  34. Forced to sell something might as well be a freebie.

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