Hi guys,

I have lived here for almost 2 years at Helsinki. I love the place, vibe, people. I fit to the culture so well that I feel like home. I have a Finnish girlfriend that treat me the best.

I realize that there’re so many posts about how people feel lonely during Vappu. Somehow I feel the same during other holidays. I went out on 30.4 enjoying my day of studying and walking to the beach, then I saw a lot of people at center. At the first moment I saw that, I felt so unhappy. I felt I am not belong here, to the happiness people were sharing, and cheering for.

I have never been really with my gf when big holidays come since she has to be with her family/friends on main days. Like Christmas we have to meet b4 or after that because of mentioned reason. I felt especially lonely on those events and now I remember that I had depressed during all of those. Being with friends helps but not really fill the void inside me since I wished I could have been with my closest ones like families and gf meanwhile I cannot. I also dont really have many friends and on those days they also have their plans with other friends or co-workers.

It is so ironic that I was severely sick for a long time, was thinking that being back to healthy again and the sunlight could make me feel better, but I have been crying and trying to get out of my head for 2 days. Now the joy outside and the sunny weather just makes me feel I am not belong to it.

Thank you guys for reading!

by Electronic_Sir7958

9 comments

  1. why’d you feel depressed for not fitting into a niche culture shared by few millions (if even that much) of people on the globe. I never understood those ridiculous hats, never felt a reason to get one or celebrate the May day other than rest and do something nice with my spouse. God didn’t bring you on this planet with the purpose of fitting into some fringe isolated culture from the edge of the world. Into which you would only fit if you were born here. TLDR: let the Finns be Finns. Let yourself be yourself. Don’t judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree.

  2. Vappu and New Years Eve are two big celebrations where I always feel much happier staying home. You described the feeling very well, but also: I believe there is this collective energy that is overwhelming. I am sure a lot of people feel like you, including me. Thank you for sharing this so others can feel they are not alone.

  3. I have felt the same in summer when everyone is hanging out outside with their friends and I find myself even more alone.
    You see everyone having a good time, but you feel like an outsider that everyone ignores.

  4. Question, you said your girlfriend spends time with her family or friends on holidays, but why aren’t you invited if you have been with her for quite a while I assume? 

    Whenever there’s big holidays, my girlfriend invites me to spend it with her family too. Also I’d find it a little odd if my girlfriend was celebrating New Years etc. with her close friends, but that for some reason I wasn’t invited. Have you talked with her about wanting to be included? 

  5. I would re-evaluate my relationship with my GF if I was in a situation like you are. Doesn’t sound like it’s doing you much good and she doesn’t seem to value you too highly 

  6. I think this kind of “missing out” depression on festive days is common, which is incidentally a great opportunity. You don’t have to join in on the mainstream festivities in order to get past this, just find someone who is in the same boat and do something that means something to you!

    That’s what we did this year. Had some friends over who were otherwise not doing much. It was great!

  8. Wow, I really had the exact same experience yesterday. Was feeling out of it the whole day, it really enhanced my depression. I’m also born outside of Finland.

  9. >*I have never been really with my gf when big holidays come since she has to be with her family/friends on main days*

    Excuse me?

Leave a Reply