As Florida hurricane season starts, at least there’s no climate change. Federal meteorologists are forecasting an “extraordinary” hurricane season with the Atlantic Ocean already heating to typical August levels

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1. Comedian, Florida Man and 2024 Gasparilla grand marshal Bert Kreischer was recently asked to defend the state. You see, people from other regions love to make Floridians do this, as if all residents are long-suffering public defenders working pro bono for an obviously guilty party.

   “Don’t sleep on Florida…” he said on the show “After Midnight.” “Everything in Florida kills you. We have alligators, poisonous snakes, tornadoes, hurricanes, bath salts. We have lightning so bad, we can’t even have giraffes at our zoos.”

   We are, as Kreischer put it, “the ones who are going to save you” when the dead start walking. That’s a vital skill set, because we’re on our own out here. Under the current political conditions, Floridians will apparently have to bootstrap our way through history’s biggest existential threat.

   State leaders, who continue to guzzle bathtub gin at alarming rates, have decided now, of all times, in the Year of Our Lord 2024, to smudge the existence of climate change from state statues. A law signed this month by Gov. Ron DeSantis erases the word “climate” in nine places, moves policy away from renewable energy goals and axes a host of other environmental measures. DeSantis, naturally, took the opportunity to go on X and dunk on “radical green zealots.”