Google says I have caught a false widow; the spider of nightmares, in a country where I thought all spiders were friendly 🙁

by Pubkit

38 comments

  1. Yup, make sure the insurance is in and the family is out. Then light her up

  3. Why are false widows nightmarish?

    Just pop it outside and go about your day

  4. We have them around our house. Catch them, let them lose in the back of your garden or something. They have a nasty bite and worse if you get reactions but no different to fucking a bee off in terms of aggresiveness.. Not like a wasp that actively hunts you down to like a hooded chav that wants 50p for his Nan.

  5. Don’t worry, his mates will burn your house down on their own.

  8. I’d definitely be burning my house down. Thinking about burning it down just looking at that picture.

  12. I don’t know where you are in the UK but down south we have them and they are really common. Just drop them out the window. At least the ‘skull’ on the back make them easy to identify so you know to get rid of them.

  14. There’s two of those in my garden. I discovered them today. Horrifyingly massive. If they come in the house, I’m abandoning it.

  16. All the stuff online about these spiders is a pile of rubbish. You may notice that the actual information given by reputable organisations is nothing like the scaremongering spread by certain “news” companies.

  17. Weird, I found one of these in my outhouse last night and I thought it was funky looking, didn’t think to Google it. Guess I’ll be staying away from the outhouse.

  18. That’s a False Widow, particularly; a male. They’re alright, it’s like being nipped by a wasp, but you really have to get on its tits for it to have a crack. They’re just shithousers, really.

  19. Where in the UK are you? Apparently they’re more Southern based

  21. You need Hans, and make sure he brings the flammenwerfer!

  22. No, don’t burn it down without consulting the spider. It isn’t your house anymore.

  25. I’m having trouble gauging the scale of this bereaved arachnid. It looks bigger than my fist, but you may just have a very good camera.

  27. Send out invites to all the spiders in the house, designate a bedroom and throw them a proper fucking rave, get them some buggy appetisers and shit, spider-cocaine and spider-weed, some spider-hoes, get em all nice and loose… THEN BURN THAT FUCKING ROOM DOWN WITH A FLAMETHROWER!

  28. You must have completely missed the blind panic and mass hysteria that swept the entire country about five years ago regarding these leggy bad bois. 😁 

  29. What on earth is that and how do I avoid it forever

  31. We’ve had one in our kitchen for about 6 months now and he’s pretty much become one of the family. He’s very respectful, never strays from his corner and only comes out when it gets dark (or when we cook spaghetti). We call him Stefano.

  32. Believe it or not, a lot of the papers are perfectly happy to sensationalise something to get a scare story out of it. In real life, I’ve found false widows just want a corner to sit in and won’t move from there. Their first defence tactic seems to be to play dead. They can do that for hours, do not trust them to be actually dead if you don’t want it loose in your house!

  33. False widows are chill, I have loads in the garden and many make their way into our house. They’ll just leave you alone. Never been bitten by one and I literally had one fall on me in the middle of the night lmfao and I grabbed it. They are pretty clumsy spiders, funny to watch

  34. False widow 100%, but they are alright. They will keep your home protected over summer.

    Just don’t get bitten. It’s like a bad bee sting.

  35. I couldn’t scroll back up to the x to get out of this post cos of this pic. I ended up remembering you can swipe right to get out. 😳

  36. Noble false widow aka steatoda nobilis. Technically yes they have one of the more significant bites of UK spiders, but it’s generally not anything to worry about. More importantly though, they are docile and non aggressive to humans. The only times they usually bite is when squashed, often when they get stuck in clothing for example. Otherwise their usual defence is to roll into a ball and hope things blow over. They aren’t native to the UK, originating on Madeira and the canaries, but have been established here for at least a century. There’s a lot of scaremongering out there but the reality is there’s probably at least a dozen in every house in the south of England and they rarely bother anyone.

    It’s hard to tell from this angle but if you found this wandering around it may well be a male, they have much less venom anyway.

  37. I was bitten by a female one of these a good few years back , put me in hospital on shit loads of antibiotics for 2 weeks.

    Bit me on the back of my calf , still have a scar 8″ x6″ plus front of my leg was badly injured as a kid , 90% of the skin graft peeled off and lymph nodes were badly damaged. Nasty little feckers

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