Loneliness is a UK epidemic, but we managed to make friends as adults
Loneliness is a UK epidemic, but we managed to make friends as adults
by mrniceguy9274
Loneliness is a UK epidemic, but we managed to make friends as adults
Loneliness is a UK epidemic, but we managed to make friends as adults
by mrniceguy9274
17 comments
Parkrun, Church, Dog Walking.
It reads as a very much “you can’t make friends because you suck, whereas we are amazing” article, when, the reality is, you make friends by doing hobbies with similar people.
If, for some reason (usually disability / age / landlord conditions) you can’t do these things (Parkrun requires you to be mobile, church requires you to be religious, dog walking requires you to be able to have a dog), you’re pretty much shit out of luck.
Neutral third spaces are practically non-existent in this country after 15 years of funding cuts (from central gov, and from local gov via central gov cuts).
The lack of proper third spaces is a very real issue. There are practically no social spaces left for meeting people that don’t cost money.
That’s because people spend all day at home and wonder why they can’t make friends.
You make friends at work, through other friends, hobbies or going out.
That’s it, you actually need to put effort in.
The exact same goes for dating.
As a Muslim I don’t feel lonely due to mosqyes being full of fellow British Muslims and events set up by the Muslim community
Maybe non religious British can have something similar where they see each other at a regular basis that dont cost money and have charity events that fund community events.
You don’t need hobbies or money to make friends, just go outside! There are people everywhere. Go hang out at one of the local halls, open days, museums, library, craft sheds etc and that’s before you even start with organised events an gigs, then there is work, shopping, eating out..
It seriously takes effort to avoid making friends, and I’m saying that from a tiny rock in the North Sea!
The problem is that our work environments now generally aren’t suited to socialising.
I’ve spent my entire working life in an industrial environment on the shop floor and it’s a far more social environment to work in than an office. Everywhere I’ve worked the office is always a very toxic environment compared to the shop floor.
I’ve never felt comfortable socialising with office staff and even then I’ve kept them at arms length and kept my guard up. The people on the shop floor I can always be myself with and have a laugh.
With the majority of people now working in an office. The average work environment is not really suited to making friends.
Unless office culture changes or we shift back to the majority of work being industrial again then I doubt things will change
Having to date again in my mid to late 30s has been rough, it has however taught me how to make friends again and the single factor is putting in effort. Just chat to people, you have no idea where it can end up.
Let’s see…
I get home from work about 5.30-get 90mins with my toddler before she goes to bed. Then by the time I get her down…. I have about 90mins before I go to bed.
Then on a weekend I get up at like 6am….so have like 15 hours in the day?- the same on Sunday?
I’ve got about 40 hours a week of ‘free time’
In that time I’ve got to
-get the shopping in
-look after my daughter
-spend time with my wife
-spend time with my parents
-eat food
-read any books, browse the internet, play video games, watch tv etc
Given then trying to balance- family time, alone time, ‘dates’ with my wife
Fitting into everyone else’s schedule etc
I basically see the friends I have now once every 3-4 weeks for a meal…let’s say every 3 weeks.
I’m just not sure when to fit in ‘a club’
Some research suggests it take 80-100 hours to make a friend
All of this is obviously just ‘an excuse’ or me prioritising the relationships with my young family and wife over other options…but that’s the way things are for many
Well I just finished reading the novel “Eleanor Oliphant is completely fine” which tackles the issue of loneliness, it’s extremely moving and powerful and suggest it if you would like to see what loneliness is for someone on the inside experiencing it day by day.
I’ve not read the article, but they say loneliness is as unhealthy as smoking. I reminisce about my dear old lovely gran. Now that I am older, she was lonely. Some bad relationships, but she ended up on her own for the latter part of her life, luckily she had my mum around to be there for her.
I have experienced that feeling of loneliness and my god it is painful, it hurts. I am not alone anymore or do I feel alone, that might change but I have empathy for anybody who feels ALONE, whether they are actually alone or not because you can still feel alone with people around you who care for you.
Remember to talk to that random person that you might think strange, they may be the only person that they have spoken to in days or weeks. I stopped to ask an elderly lady the time the other day, something we don’t do anymore, I realised, because we all have phones but mine had died. I spent 20 minutes just letting her talk, it was a lovely interaction and hopefully that brightened her day. If I ever see her again, I’ll let her know that I looked up her daughter and her husband who work as stunt men in the film industry.
Warhammer 40K. Makes friends and have no money left over for a drug addiction. Genius
Im desperately lonely since breaking up with my GF at xmas. I have few friends, mainly because i moved around as a kid and lot, and although i had loads of mates when i joined the forces, bearly any them transitioned into friends once in civvy street. I almost entirely WFH bare brief office job stints, which i met a GF through, so thats one less avenue. Ive recently joined a bike club to get me out the house as soon as id have a human to talk to, even briefly from COP Friday to work starts on Monday. I went to the cinema yesturday which finished around 4. Walked past an outside bar on the way home and though it was too early to sit at home with the tv for 6hrs, so had a drink on my tod watching the world go by. Spent most of being paranoid people would think i was that weirdo. Fuck im lonely. My flat feels like a prison. It was ok when i had a GF for a few years, she was awesome and in your head even if apart, you had someone. My gym class is sociable and people say hi but thats just being friendly, not friends. I know this is a moan, but ive joined one club and looking at maybe a run club. I bloody hate running, but its what people do, and if you do t try nothing will change. If it doesn’t change, I’m not sure i really want to go on. I earn plenty, but whats the point if you are alone to the core and your not someone whose ok with being in their own company. If anything, having to earn is forcing me to wfh rather than just take an office job. That and living in a small town. Maybe i should just move?
I stopped drinking, then moved to a new area. It killed my social life dead. Most people my age (40s) either only socialise when they’re drinking or they’re really boring.
Is anyone else finding it increasingly difficult to make friends as adults? I find that adults are more quicker to judge, because they feel that because you are now also an adult, that every move, feeling, body language, gestures are “calculated” and must come from a self-aware decision. As somebody who suffers aspergers, I have no friends, they have all stopped communication with me. I feel so alone in the world, and abuse drugs as a coping mechanism. When I was a teenager, that “delusion” of knowing who I am helped me in many situations, making friends or having meaningful relationships being one of them. Now it only serves as a reminder of hope, that it is within me, but the evidence in life contradicts it all.. Maybe death is the answer, and I will surely not be the one take my own life, but it is manifesting in other ways, such as substance abuse, and sleepless nights.
I am fortunate in that I have lived all over the world and so have by necessity, learned how to connect with random strangers. Today, I was wandering around Kirkwall in the Orkney’s and fell into a lovely 20 minute chat with a couple from Bristol. Part of it is personality, you kind of have to be comfortable doing it, just striking up a random conversation. That said, I got A ride up here from a group of divers I know and one I had not met before is 62 and recently divorced and chronically lonely. However if I were to be critical, he talks a lot about himself and tends to get a bit base quickly. There is definitely technique needed, and an understanding that most people don’t give a fuck about you but there are plenty that are willing to engage in an equitable manner. Personally, I just refuse to stay home by myself too much.
I’m going to assume these are the same cunts as the itty bitty titty videos
It is sad because we have erased the feeling of belonging to a place or community. Now it is so common to travel, move to other city, change from a company to the next one… That it has become so difficult to be from a place.
Modern life destroys the relationships from your childhood. It also complicates a lot having your own family. So I guess that loneliness is the more reasonable outcome we can get from this lifestyle.