Hopefully this is allowed here, if not just remove it.

My cramps are terrible each month again. To the point that medication does not help anymore (even stronger ones). I know of myself, at the age of 22, that I do not want children. Not now, not ever. My boyfriend also doesn’t want children. So I’m wondering if someone knows a good gynaecologist that is open-minded about hysterectomies?

I’ve already seen some doctors but they don’t want to do it, not even a sterilisation. They always give the typical reasons as “you will regret it later”, “what does your partner say”, “the monthly pain is worth having children”, amongst others.

So does anybody have experience with this or knows who to go to?

I just don’t understand that I cannot have a conversation with a doctor about this. And I don’t understand what a possible partner has to say about my body. In the abortion discussion it’s always ‘your body, your rules’. But I do not feel like that at all here….

EDIT: Here are the names of the doctors with their respective links together with what they already have done. I will be going to one of these for a sterilisation and to get a propper diagnosis and solution for my pain. Thank you all for the help!

* [Dr. Erik Merchiers](https://www.erikmerchiers.be/) *Gent* (at least 2 ligations and 1 also got a hysterectomy later on)
* [Dr. Ingrid Martens](https://www.azstlucas.be/artsen/dr-ingrid-martens) *Gent* specialised in endoscopic surgeries (said she will do ligation when person is ready)
* [Dr. Lennert Vander Veeken](https://www.uza.be/persoon/dr-lennart-van-der-veeken) *Antwerpen* (open minded, requiers psychologist evaluation)
* [Dr. Jan Baekelandt](https://www.gynaecologischcentrummechelen.be/Site/gynaecologischcentrummechelen.be/Mechelen_Bonheiden/2718/1/Dokter_Baekelandt_Jan.html) *Mechelen* (preformed a hyserectomy at 27 after several medical problems)
* [Dr. Nicolas Delbar](https://progenda.be/centers/docteur-delbar-nicolas-gynecologue-obstetricien-bruxelles?locale=nl) *Schaarbeek*
* [Dr. Charlotte Vermoessen](https://www.drvermoesen-gynaecologie.be/) *Brussel* (open to sterilisation)
* [Dr. Anne De Haan](https://www.azstlucas.be/artsen/dr-anne-de-haan) *Gent* (preformed ligation at 28)

36 comments

  4. > “what does your partner say”

    It must be so fucking infuriating that a hypothetical male that might not even ever exist (he does in this case, but still) has something to say about your body.

  5. Go to the Netherlands for a second opinion. We are more free in this. I also recommend a GP prescription. If you talk about it more often with your GP, other doctors will take you more seriously.

  6. I don’t know any good gynos for that specifically, but I wondered if you have been checked for endometriosis?
    I just want to make sure because even a hysterectomy might not necessarily help your pain away then, but treatment for the endometriosis might help bring you some relief.

  7. Honestly, I really don’t get why doctors still think that the possibility of having children is more important than your wellbeing. I hope you will find a doctor that’s actually putting your needs before those of anyone else!

  8. Do you have endometriosis? check out r/endometriosis/

    Wish you all the best. It’s your body, find a doctor who is reasonable.

  9. Look into switching to Visanette as your pill. It is NOT birth control, but it does stop your period completely (so after a while a pregnancy would have very low chances of being viable anyway). It’s the solution my gyno at the time gave me for my cramps. I have not had a period and / or cramps in the last 4 years and it’s been bliss.
    It does not got paid back so you pay 140 euro per 3 months.

    My original gyno was in Africa so that won’t help, but my gyno here had no objection to prescribing this so at least aware of the issues? Her name is Soetkin Thijssen at Noorderhart in Pelt.

  10. I just wanna follow this because im looking too

    26f, and I’m just looking for sterilisation honestly, I don’t want kids due to my own health issues, and health issues that run in the family, but apparently even that isn’t enough to convince a doctor, it’s honestly baffeling.
    I’ve been lowkey searching since I was 20, but so far no luck…. Kinda crazy i can get an abortion easier than I can just prevent getting pregnant ever again….

  13. I knew this happenrd in America, but here? Wtf I wonder if you could publicly out these doctors. Isn’t this against the law?

  14. I’d check for endometriosis first, that’s usually the problem isn’t it? 10% of women have it. It can give excruciating pain

  15. you are only 22… so you effectively don`t know… exactly 0 human beings know for sure what they want in 5 years.. however the remark about “it`s worth it” is very rude from that docter.

  17. alright, so I’m 23 and my gyno is my first gyno ever and when I told him I want to get my tubes cut the only thing he asked of me was a written approval letter of my ‘huisdokter’, so he wouldnt be the only phycisian approving of the cut. He also told me that 5% regret it, thats why he asks for the second approval. Not sure what his stance would be about hysectomies tho! Im a little ashamed to say that I actually dont know his name but he works in the medical centre Practimed in Limburg. Hope this can help some!

    ( Im currently waiting for the paper of my ‘huisarts’ so about setting up procedure i dont know!)

  18. I have a bad case of endometrioses. I’m turning 36 and got two lovely kids through IVF. I was 25 when diagnosed after years of being in pain and not realising that wasn’t normal. I’ve had two surgeries to remove cystes and scar tissue. My gyno still hasn’t removed my uterus as that won’t solve my endo. My tubes would still be active and cause damage in the rest of my body. Removing my tubes would mean early menopause, which has a hoooooole other range of side effects like getting fragile bones. Just “taking everything out” might not be the best medical solution for you.

    I now have a IUD and take extra medication in the morning. My cycle is completely shut down. There are some side effects like hot flashes at night, but they are far less severe than what it used to be and what a surgery would have been.

    Talk to your doctor about what could be causing the pain and keep an open mind about other possible solutions.

  20. It’s because you’re so young. Nobody wants to risk it that they remove your uterus and you then regret it. Even if you know for yourself, doctors don’t want to risk such a thing. Also surgery should always be the last option.
    If I remember right, there are birth control pills which have no “off” period so they just prevent menstruation alltogether.

  21. Hi there, sorry you are struggling with this. My gynecologist, Dr. Martens in AZ Sint Lucas in Ghent is quiet open minded. I asked her (I’m 21) about sterilisation and she responded very positive, and said that it was my choice and to just contact her when I was ready. I’m not sterilized (yet) but she gave me a good experience here and I feel like she respects her patients and their choices a lot

  22. As alternatives?

    Do you use the pill? It should regulate the hormones and make the monthly event less spectacular.

    You stated not longing for children and off course I do respect that, but as side information: many women told that their periods got less bad after their first child.

    From what you wrote I understand it must be quite a struggle and I am sorry for you. Hope things will he better for you soon 🤗!

  23. Have you been checked for endometriosis and similar conditions? I’d suggest to look for a doctor specialized in endomitriosis, as they’ll most likely run the right tests to get to the cause of the problem.

    Secondly, if it should turn out to be endomitriosis, a hysterectomy may not be a full solution, as for people with this condition uterine tissue also occurs outside of the uterus. For this reason, it’s important to get proper gynaecological guidance before taking a more drastical step like a hysterectomy.

  24. My wife used to suffer from incredible pains during her time of the month as well. Combined for very irregular periods (think 3 weeks bleeding and cramps with only a few good days in between) she considered a hysterectomy as well.

    During one of our visits to a specialist we were referred to another doctor who solved all her problems (including severe migraines).
    For her is was caused by a severe hormonal imbalance due to her uterus and ovaries being shifted and some other things not worth going into detail here.

    If you want I can DM his details, should you be interested.

    Note:
    I’m not providing an alternative because I don’t believe in an hysterectomy or something like that. We’re in our forties and childless by choice.
    I’m merely telling this because a hysterectomy would be extremely heavy and impactful is many other ways as well. It’s a good measure when no more alternatives are available that are less impactful.

  25. Maybe claim you wanna be a guy and have it removed to match your ~inner identity~? That would have a higher chance of working

  26. I take Dienobel anticonceptiepil every day. Never a stopweek. Don’t have my period anymore. Used to have it really bad too with lots of cramps. It’s such a relief I don’t have this anymore.

    I don’t want any children as well (antinatalist), but I know I’d have to put a lot of effort and stress into finding a gynaecologist willing to even listen to what I have to say.
    So I’m glad I got this as an alternative.

  29. I wish you good luck…
    At 34 I went to the gyno to ask about definitive contraception..
    I had my partner with me because I wanted him to witness the conversation. I told him we had a child, that the birthing was a horrible experience and that I was absolutely not wanting another one. I did not want hormones and I bled awfully long with a copper Iud (spoiler: even after removing the iud, my periods stayed awfully long).
    The guy understood but basically said that they don’t do it on women younger than 35, and that he would have to ask the approval of the board of the hospital on my case… And he looked at my partner and told him honestly that it would be easier for him to get a vasectomy…
    That was absolutely right! After a 20 minutes conversation with a urologist he was able to book a vasectomy.
    I find it terribly disgusting that a woman is not allowed to make such a decision. I really hope you’ll find a good doctor.

  31. I recently became a dad for the second time.
    I cannot explain the feelings and all, but its the best thing ever.
    It’s only when you become a parent that you can understand.

    And I really can’t understand people not having children.
    Before maybe I could but now …

    Sometimes they are hell 😅 but they are sooo great 😁

    Maybe its because most doctors are parents that they think it would be the same for everyone and you can’t imagine how it could make you feel.

    It really is something that is unexplainable to me.

    Hope you find help with the cramps 🤞🏻

  32. Why removal? Go for a “spiraaltje”? It doesn’t stop your periods at first but after a few months they start disappearing by themselves.

  34. I don’t have any recommendations but I wish you good luck on finding a gyno that can solve your issues!

  35. Nope, but came here to say if you do not have an opportunity to get a hysterectomie to look into an IUD. I had really bad periods (1 day where I basically couldn’t function, and 2 days where I bled through all my clothes) and now they’ve stopped. I have no side effects.

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