In my local newspaper (Bavaria, Oberfanken) I keep noticing posts like this. They ask to not receive any wishes or presents for their birthday, and even after.
I don't really understand why.
To me it seems like they want to show the world how important they are, but I don't want to judge without understanding the background.
So my questions are:
Why do people publish such posts?
Does this happen in other parts of Germany as well?
by snahaba
11 comments
If I had to guess I’d say it’s just (very) old people that have no other means of communicating this to all of their acquiantances without individually calling them or writing letters. But your guess is as good as mine.
In some areas your neighbours/friends/ Vereinsmitglieder LOOOOOOVE to surprise you whith decorating your house, getting a choir to wake you or doing crazy stuff.
If your old enough even the mayor or the church comes over…or the local firefighters or hunters if you are a part of it.
If you tell them they don’t need to do it, they’ll say “Nooooo, we’re not planning ANYTHING!”😉
Same when you tell them you are really gone due to a vacation..they think you are trying to fool them.
So to make clear you are not joking and you really mean it and they would be disappointed you tell them that.
They would also expect you to make a party or have something to eat/drink for them.
I know a guy turning 18 and they almost got the tractor fired up to roll to his house until they realised he really wasn’t there😄
I live in Northern Germany.
People simply show up and expect you to host them with a full meal, followed by coffee and cake, followed by a light supper, followed by more sweets and drinks.
It’s expensive and exhausting.
My MIL never invites anyone, but they just show up. Like locusts or crows descending on roadkill. She doesn’t even like 50% of the people who show up. They don’t necessarily like her. Still, every year the same ordeal.
I once just got up and went to bed because “guests” didn’t leave. Now, we are never at home on our birthdays or anniversaries unless we want to celebrate.
No, it’s not about feeling important. It’s simple self-defence.
ETA: Some people love it, though. They are sad if no one shows up. I’m an introvert and I cannot stand people invading my space.
I‘m too young to have friends reading a physical newspaper. But this seems like a really good idea to me.
My current solution is to leave the country and make visits impossible.
I would never put it in a newspaper, but I get the sentiment of wanting to be left alone on that day.
There is almost no day in the year that makes me feel worse than my birthday. Some relatives don’t get that and I’m forced to be polite in answering their calls or messages.
Dry alcoholics who don’t want people from sports club etc to drop by at night with an excuse to get hammered on a Thursday evening would post this at my hometown.
Or people where no-one would stop by anyway but who want to feel people WOULD have dropped by, if this post weren’t published. Empty answering machine syndrome.
Or people’s friends publish this to actually make people aware of their birthday.
I live in Niedersachsen, in a village, and this is not a thing over here. I didn’t even know this is a thing at all!
The “big” numbers such as 80, 90 can result in a visit from the pastor and the major. But no one else would invite themselves over.
I think it’s just old people who genuinely don’t want people to make a fuss on their birthday. Depending on how old they are and how small the town is, a lot of people can show up. When my grandma turned 80 the major of her village showed up unannounced with the entire orchestra to surprise her, she was so pissed lol she just wanted to chill. She’s planning on putting something like this in the papers when she turns 90 so it doesn’t happen again.
I don’t really get your question, you’re using Reddit. We are introverted folks who usually don’t have any friends. We HATE birthdays. People announcing basically the same in newspapers are simply a bit older, but still US.
Southern German here.
My grandpa turned 80 in the early 2000s. He had been active in a few Vereine, as most people his age had been back in the day. Musikverein, Liederkranz (basically a church choir), Obst- und Gartenbauverein (local farmers), the volunteer firefighters, and the local Kleintierzuchtverein (pet breeders etc.) all marked him as one of the oldest members…. and this resulted in every single of these groups popping up on his birthday, including the church choir AND the volunteer firefighter band, as well as the band of the Musikverein… many of the mucisians in said groups were in all three, so they stayed around in between appearances. It was basically a four hour outdoor event on the front lawn.
And as the family of the person having birthday, we were required to hand out coffee, sweets and small snacks. And we also were meant to host a dinner that evening for all the “closest friends” of my grandpa. Including drinks, cake, and a full buffett with salads and different meats.
It was basically normal for people when they turned 70, 80 or older to host the groups that invited themselves plus neighbours, church and usually even the town major and local members of the Gemeinderat or muncipality officials.
Luckily, nowadays, it’s not as common anymore. I mean, I barely know my neighbors… but evidently just 20 years ago it still was normal for the entire street and basically half the town to come to such birthdays.
And in some towns, when there are still enough groups and so on active, this is probably still custom for these towns. These kinds of posts in the newspaper are probably the easiest way to tell everyone halfway politely that they do not want that.
Don‘t know where you get this „want to show how important they are“ notion. They simply want to make sure to be left alone.
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