Before the election, I asked a cute guy in my political science class where he planned to vote. He responded with a simple “nowhere,” and then explained to me how his vote, along with everyone else’s, didn’t matter. Thus, our undying love story came to an end.
The conversation, however, opened up a flood gate of self-reflection. Until recently, I never thought politics could play a significant role in my relationships. Usually I’m more concerned with the simple things, like if they have a good relationship with their parents or shower on a daily basis. Maybe it’s because this was my first time voting in a presidential election, but I’ve become acutely aware of how political values can filter the dating pool.
After this most recent election, it became clear that some people, myself included, only want to be romantically involved with someone who holds similar political values to them. And that’s not a bad thing.
Society has generally considered politics too “taboo” of a topic to discuss in a conversational setting. It’s the unspoken rule of dinner parties: no sex, no religion and absolutely no politics. Most people want to avoid the kind of conflict that turns a civilized meal into a verbal tug-of-war. So we sit down, eat and choose to beat around the bush, sticking to safe topics like the weather or last night’s game.
If politics are too touchy to bring up around family or friends — the people who know us best — there is no reason to willingly choose a partner who brings that same tension into our everyday lives. Sure, we can’t choose our relatives, but we can choose whom we share our future with.
Core political values play a huge role in shaping how we choose to handle important life decisions, like raising children or choosing a career path. Our political views inform our approach to job security, financial goals, saving and spending. When those views are conflicting, long-term planning becomes difficult, ultimately building resentment and jeopardizing the trust and intimacy of the relationship.
Our political beliefs can also impact family matters. If a couple decides to have children, their political values will guide how they envision a child’s future. While it’s never okay for parents to force children to share their political beliefs, these values can still shape one’s childhood. For example, one parent might prefer a public school education, whereas the other might prefer an alternative l education, like a private school more aligned with their political beliefs.
The way we approach political issues also shapes the dynamics of a relationship, even before things get serious.For example, abortion, a highly contentious and polarizing topic, opens up broader conversations about bodily autonomy, individual rights and government interference. Some see abortion as a moral and ethical dilemma, while others view it as a question of personal freedom and access to health care. Knowing where your partner stands reveals much more than a political affiliation — it is a reflection of values that shape the way they engage with the world.
Ultimately, these aren’t surface level disagreements. If partners don’t have conversations about these values at the beginning of a relationship, it can create a divide that widens as time goes on. Repeated conflicts break down the feeling of emotional security and build up the belief that with every fight, you are fundamentally incompatible. By the end, what seemed like minor differences may turn into a constant source of strain and resentment.
Even though some argue the best way to strengthen our own beliefs is to challenge them with the opposing view, this shouldn’t apply to romance. Sure, finding someone that aligns with all of your political values is unrealistic, but they should agree with a majority. Challenging your belief system might work in a classroom, but a perpetual battle causes unnecessary tension in a personal relationship.
As the polls come to a close, I never want to “cancel out” my partner’s vote. That’s why I’m putting political values above the little things when it comes to my relationships. We should discuss politics in the beginning to strengthen the relationship further down the line.
Engage with Fox news or CNN — don’t get engaged to the opposite party.
Angelina Akouri is an Opinion columnist studying English and political science. She writes about the influence of pop culture on students and their relationships. She can be reached at akouria@umich.edu. Her column “Almost Grown” runs bi-weekly.
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