‘I am 38, living at home, with my mother doing my washing and cooking my meals. I feel like a child most of the time’

by Bestmeath

23 comments

  1. The Irish Mammy strikes again. I know some mothers who go apeshit whenever their adult children use the kitchen or washig machine. I also know some adult kids suffer from Peter Pan syndrome. Shite state of affairs all round

  2. I feel like there’s a tacit assumption here that the article’s about someone priced out of housing. That or tired old tropes about Irish mammies.

    It’s not. The OP split up with a girlfriend, started drinking too much and smoking too much weed, then lost his job and had to move home with his parents. This is depression, plain and simple.

    The OP is getting therapy and the advice in the article is sound. He needs to work on mental health, get a job and move out into shared accommodation.

  3. Sounds like they are just stuck in a rut, and are working their way out.

    Giving up the smoke and the drink will definitely help.

    Side note: in the stock image he is wearing salmon, making. It look like he is naked.

  4. Step 1: do your own fucking laundry and help cook. I get that housing is fucked, but you need to start doing basic adult shit if you are pushing 40.

  8. Are you a typical Italian university student?

    (Yes. At 38 years old it’s possible)

  9. Being stuck at home in this market isn’t surprising.

    But there is no excuse for Mammy still doing everything for you.

  10. Similar (cannibis free) boat. Honestly moving to France & commuting to the job next year. Only way I’m getting a place of my own. Even if Ryanair went bang & I was stuck paying Aer Lingus 100+ a week for the commute, I’d still have more at the end than I would if I rented.

    Edit: My washing is Speed Queen every fortnight. I keep my clothes out of the house system. 2 hours basket out to basket back instead of long-finger never-never.

    I had my own kitchen for a grand total of 3 glorious months in Canada, and I lived like a king. Even the 2 years in Galway the boxroom was so tiny it had a grill staring across at the single bed I could afford.

    Edit 2: Job is in-person manual, would stay with the parents when working.

  11. Living at home at that age is tough, depressing for most and mentally draining regardless of any circumstance.

    There’s a national apathy coupled with frustration and a huge valid dose of ” whats the point ” .

    I get it and there’s no simple solution .

    The Irish Mammy ( also Italian ) syndrome of not stepping back and encouraging men to get a grip and make men self sufficient is a problem.

    Here’s an example

    Mother in a shop yesterday with a broken finger working a till.

    ” it’ll be like this at Christmas and I’m making the dinner ”
    (has three adult kids at home eldest 29 1 daughter 2 sons ,1 son still” looking ” for a job in his speciality)

    Customer

    ” let the kids do it so ”

    ” ah no they wouldn’t know how”

    ( there’s more than enough YouTube tutorials to guide them through the process .)

    Martyrdom mammies rule

    There are a lot of job vacancies locally especially at this time of year .

  12. We are working on some basic stuff, like getting out of bed at reasonable times, giving up smoking and preparing to look for a job. 

  13. We don’t accommodate for single people in this country. You’re priced out of buying a home or stuck in an endless cycle of renting or house sharing.

  14. As boomer as it sounds. The mother shouldn’t enable these habits. There are adults who still depend on their parents to wash their clothes and clean their rooms etc because they were never enabled to be an adult. Teach your kids to be independent before they’re adults and stop babying them.

  16. It’s like old brooks said, “get busy living, or get busy dying”. Save your money, get a deposit, avail of htb and get a gaff  how  hard is it. This housing crisis has been in play for years. If your living at home in your 30s, you should have been able to put together 40k over 10years. That’s 4k a year. 300e a month. 

  18. Most of the articles posted I can’t bleddy read unless I subscribe

  20. You just have to make the best of these things and try not to fall into the role of the child if you’re living at home.

    Pay wages. Roster house duties. Take certain responsibilities as they arise, such as ensuring bills are paid and sorting out a tradesperson whenever something goes awry.

    I wouldn’t disrespect anyone living at home, neither would I do these things to impress other people (you never can). It’s more just for your own state of mind as an adult.

  21. I hate Jordan Petersons politics but he did get me over a hump(not this bad).

    For me what I have learned is when the chips are down I just need some self worth. A few years ago my relationship ended on Sunday, found out my mother could have had cancer on Monday(she is alive and well thank god) and got made redundant from remote job on the Tuesday. Id also been fairly chunky due to poor eating and drinking. Friends showed empathy but they were in their own relationships so could not really be the support you would have in 20’s

    I was ablut 33/34 and pretty much failed at my main metrics I woukd judge myself on. I took 3/4 days dranks as much as I could, smoked ad much weed as I could and lived off take aways.

    After week or so I decided I was going to quit booze for a month, sign up for half marathon, apply for jobs and clean my room. I was still jobless, relationship over and biggest concern ofcourse my mam. Getting fit, having a bit of pride in myself, focussed on job search and ofcourse quitting the booze just gave me enough pride and focus to not fall into substance abuse or depression.

    A friend of mine got fired before and had his marriage fell apart due to ulinfaithful partner and he would admit he was suicidal or atleast had suicidal thoughts. He decided he would focus first in getting driving license and his logic was “I have had a lot of losses and pain I just need something I can have pride in and be proud of”

    I know some mental health runs deeper into medication etc but a good starting point is stopping self harm with substance abuse, try to improve anything not everything. Something as small as training for a race, getting that pesky driving license you have long fingered or even cleaning room, getting laptop out, updating CV and applying for a job is a great first step. Life can throw awful moments at you but most will pass if you can show some self love.

  22. Mother doing Your washing and food??? I’ve no sympathy.

  23. i know my own situation is pretty good but I’d honestly love to move home for a few years at this point in my life. I know oads who are around 35, been living at home and are saving so much money.

    this guy had a bad run and is projecting that negativity onto being in his parents house when thats honestly the best place for them. Not everyone has the support, or the parents, to go back to when things gets really bad.

    Maybe you feel like a child but that mentality seems childish to me. crazy push to both make people living with their parents feel bad while also being in a society that makes home ownership harder and harder

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