My first pet, Baby the bengal cat, passed away at the vets today.

We were there when she was given her rest, but I honestly hope it was the moment she spasmed out of my arms (which was the first time she had ever let me hold her like a baby) before we got in the car. She was 14, with either acute pancreatitis or kidney failure.

I’m autistic, and I feel extremes of emotion very easily. I am no stranger to joy, rage, that deep, burning shame that only classmates can make you feel… but grief? No. I see grief in other people and feel that we are somewhat comparable if I am “meant” to feel grief too. But when people said “my heart hurts”, I didn’t realise.

Why did nobody tell me how much my heart hurts.

by Princ3Ch4rming

19 comments

  1. Done!

    ETA Oh just read your full post – so sorry ❤️ Hugs for your too x

  2. Hugged my baby shadow, virtual hugs to you and your remaining baby, please pass hugs along if kitty allows ❤

  3. Oh no, I’m so sorry. I know that pain well. RIP Baby 💔

  4. My cat is evil so we keep distance to keep peace, he will accept very intense sessions but only when it is his idea

  6. RIP Baby. She has a great life and was obviously adored

  7. Sending you hugs. It’s never easy when they go. 💔💔

  9. I’m sorry mate, I lost my boy about a month or two ago. It’s been real rough, this fella got me through some tough times and I would hope I returned that favour to him. He was a rescue, stood out from the rest, very anxious and nervous. For me, I just discharged from the military at the time and was struggling with PTSD, we really helped each other out and both became stronger.

    I still wake up hoping to see him, alas no more. Worst and only terrible part of being an owner to pets, saying goodbye.

    https://preview.redd.it/9a21yqodmx7e1.png?width=2570&format=png&auto=webp&s=b8302567ef468d9335c371818b15a63188fc6643

  10. I’m sorry for your loss. Pet loss is extremely difficult and often minimized in society. Take your time to grieve. Some days it will hit you harder than others but with time you will feel joy at the memories of the time you spent with Baby. ❤️

  11. Sorry your bud is gone, i know how you feel. Remember the good times.

    I know this wont help you but the chronic kidney disease that older cats succumb to has now been ‘cured’, note the ‘ ‘ because thats important.

    Rapros should help lots of kitties, it’s undergoing clinical trials in Europe at the moment and will apply to the uk once it’s complete. So please ask your vets to look into it if your cats are that age and probably getting ckd.

    So in 6 months to a year we may see it keeping our mousers alive until 20-30 years old.

  12. So sorry look at her little face she loved you very very much

  13. Lots of love to you. I lost my precious baby last month. She was 16 and I got her as a 5 month old kitten. The first day, she ran around like a loony before finally tiring herself out and falling asleep upside down on my middle. She didn’t leave my side for the next decade and a half. It hurts to even think about her.

  17. I am autistic too and kept rats for a number of years. Their passing is always way too soon, and the heartache was/is unbearable. I always felt like I needed to reach out for something that wasn’t there, and didn’t know how to process my emotions at all. Some things to hopefully help: set reminders on your phone to eat/drink/rest. As autistics, we often forget to do these things, especially when going through something painful. Also, allow yourself to stim in whatever way you like best. I rock and hum and also have a stuffed toy that I particularly love, I cuddle him all the time. 

    I am so so sorry for your loss, mate. But I am also so glad this beautiful kitty got to spend her life with someone who loved her so much. 

  18. I’m so sorry, she was very pretty and you’ve done the right thing for her. 

    I’ve got three cats myself, I love them more than anything else, I’ve no idea what will happen when any of them pass away. But I suspect that it will break me.

  19. *
    Done. She sends you some nuzzling in return and I hope it helps.

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