Guy walks into the bakers, points to the glass and says “is that a scone or a meringue?”
and the baker says “naw you’re right pal, it’s a scone.”
Another couple for you: A lad goes into the butchers and asks if he can have a mince round. Aye says the butcher, but don’t knock anything over.
Why were the bakers’ hands brown? Because he was kneading a jobbie.
Bakers in Glasgow called ’99p’. All cakes 99p or less. Wifie goes in, see a cake that she likes but it is one pound. “A thought all yer cakes were 99p. Whits going on?” The bakes replies. “Not that one though, that’s Maderia cake”
I asked my wife what she would like for Christmas. She said anything with diamonds in it. So I bought her a deck of cards
Ten coos in a field. Which wan is on holiday?
The wan wi’ the wee calf.
A man walks into a butchers on a winter day and sees an electric heater with both bars on behind the counter.
Looking the meats, he asks the butcher: “Is that your Ayrshire bacon?”
“Naw. I’m just warming ma haunds.”
Phoned the swimming yesterday I said “is that the local swimming baths?”
She says “depends wahr yir phonin fae!”
Guy walks intae a bakery and asks the lassie behin’ the coonter if she had a hoat pie.
She replied “A should hiv, av goat twa pairs a knickers oan”
10 comments
they’re belters some I’d never seen before. Here’s one you’ll like OP:
[Maybe I’m biased, but Scottish jokes are my favourite. What’s your best one? : r/Scotland](https://www.reddit.com/r/Scotland/comments/qj8ayl/maybe_im_biased_but_scottish_jokes_are_my/)
another one I just remembered:
Guy walks into the bakers, points to the glass and says “is that a scone or a meringue?”
and the baker says “naw you’re right pal, it’s a scone.”
Another couple for you: A lad goes into the butchers and asks if he can have a mince round. Aye says the butcher, but don’t knock anything over.
Why were the bakers’ hands brown? Because he was kneading a jobbie.
Bakers in Glasgow called ’99p’. All cakes 99p or less. Wifie goes in, see a cake that she likes but it is one pound. “A thought all yer cakes were 99p. Whits going on?” The bakes replies. “Not that one though, that’s Maderia cake”
I asked my wife what she would like for Christmas. She said anything with diamonds in it. So I bought her a deck of cards
Ten coos in a field. Which wan is on holiday?
The wan wi’ the wee calf.
A man walks into a butchers on a winter day and sees an electric heater with both bars on behind the counter.
Looking the meats, he asks the butcher: “Is that your Ayrshire bacon?”
“Naw. I’m just warming ma haunds.”
Phoned the swimming yesterday I said “is that the local swimming baths?”
She says “depends wahr yir phonin fae!”
Guy walks intae a bakery and asks the lassie behin’ the coonter if she had a hoat pie.
She replied “A should hiv, av goat twa pairs a knickers oan”
Refunds?
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