Ladies and Gentlemen,

Today, at around 6:30 Dutch troops have crossed the German border at almost every border crossing and quickly occupied the strategically important parking spots of supermarkets, most notably Aldi, Lidl, Combi and Multi in the German border regions. While west German citizens desperately tried to arm themselves, the overwhelming forces of Jans, Gerrit and Maaikes quickly raided and emptied all stocks of explosives at the afore mentioned locations. The local population was left with Knalerwten and Sterretjes. After honorable but hopeless skirmishes the defenders laid down their arms as the sheer force of cars with yellow license plates brought German logistics to a complete halt.

Dear fellow Europeans, in this dark hour, we Germans must ask you for your thoughts and prayers. The hopes of the west German populace in the border region are now on the return of the east German expedition forces from their raids on Polish and Czech supply depots.

by Jasbaer

21 comments

  2. What’s the reason don’t they sell these in Holland or is Germany your Poland?

  3. Kees looking to save £1 in a 3 hour trip. “zee great savings”

    Colour me surprised.

    Edit: nvm I thought Kees was there to buy booze cheaper. Came to conclusions too fast.

    edit 2: just realised I used the all mighty GBP, forgot you use wilding bastard moneys, €€

    all wrong today, cannot get one right here ffs.

  4. Thoughts and prayers

    Which incidentally is also the maximum of support you could expect from the Austrian Bundesheer.

  5. fireworks for new years eve, or the annual dutch contest of “who can annoy the more people with explosive balls of colour” ??

  6. Why: people light their own fireworks on nye.

    Why get fireworks in Germany: while legal in the Netherlands it’s expensive, mostly due to storage and transport laws every part of the logistics has to be in bunkers etc so it gets a lot more expensive. Germans just put it in the supermarket.

  7. Stfu man you idiots have been clogging up Dutch roads like Americans clog their arteries for the entire duration of Christmas cz your whole yee yee ass country is closed any time Sundays are mentioned now we want to get some bigger fireworks and y’all start complaining. Hypocrites. You realise it was German shopping tourists who caused a 16 kilometer traffic jam 2 days ago because you all wanted to shop in Roermond at the same time? You realise any time I have to come within a 5 kilometer radius of an Ikea on Sunday I’m better off walking to my destination because Germans are all running for the meatballs? You realise the company I work for has a shortage of workers on Sunday because nobody wants to deal with all the fucking Germans that can’t even speak English half the time?

    Hans I’ma be frank with you. We do this shit twice a year; new years and summer holidays. You guys do this shit every Sunday and every holiday. You have 0 right to complain. Any time you have a day off my grandmother gets a PTSD flashback to the war. Please stop.

  8. I tried to buy some fireworks at Intratuin yesterday but I forgot about the new legislation.

  9. If you want to see the reverse go to Venlo every market day.

  10. I guess someone should establish a supply line to provide Polen-Böller to the west

  12. Oh fuck this.

    I so hate this specific Dutch trait to become literal pyromaniacs once a year.

    Every NY eve I spend in Schiphol’s Hillton with my dog so that he doesn’t go bonkers hearing all the explosions.

    Hans please stop supplying arms to Jan!

  16. _takes ladder_

    _gets to Kees’ level_

    Bad Kees, bad bad Kees

  18. I never got the hang on literally burning money in minutes for mostly mediocre booms with hazards for fire or hands. Professional fireworks at public locations on the other hand are sure nice to watch.

    I prefer to get me a nice bottle of alcohol instead or something else.

  20. I wanna buy fireworks this year but worried about border checks, anyone got tips?

  21. As someone who lives right on the border to the netherlands: we’re already used to not getting any fireworks and hearing dutch on a daily basis

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