Male survivors ‘ignored’ as their abuse is classified as ‘violence against women’ | UK News

https://news.sky.com/story/male-survivors-ignored-as-their-abuse-is-classified-as-violence-against-women-13286615

by DarkSkiesGreyWaters

30 comments

  1. I do feel like it just reinforces the narrative that only women can be domestically abused. It’s an across the board problem, of course statistically women are more likely to be exposed to it although I know there is some debate if this partly due to men being more unlikely to actually report it.

  2. This desperately needs addressing. We KNOW that women can be abusers, we also know that men are pressured by society to be stoic and handle their own problems. So many men admit that they don’t talk about their issues because in their experience “nobody cares”. How on earth can we expect victims of abuse to come forward when this is the response they get?

  3. I’d be interested to know more about the specific services and support they aren’t getting – this article only mentions that the language used is dismissive, which is shameful and the policy and classification needs to be updated, but I don’t see how that affects outcome of treatment.

  4. One wonders how much of the lower level abuse women experience is a direct result of men thinking, “This isn’t abuse, this is normal” because it’s how they’re treated and then told that it’s normal.

  5. 100% agree that male victims of domestic violence should be given support etc equivalent to female victims and that this is an issue that has been consistently under-addressed. More support for male victims, measures focused on removing any shame around reporting abuse, improving public awareness, etc. Sorry if this sounds like over-simplifying.

    But with regard to the classification issue, could article conflating “domestic violence” with “VAWG”? e.g. 2023 ONS report collating police and crime reports specifies sex of victim, see: https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/crimeandjustice/articles/domesticabusevictimcharacteristicsenglandandwales/yearendingmarch2023#sex

  6. There are as many violent women as men, but there’s a lot of money in hating men, particularly in the United States — millions of dollars. It isn’t a politically good idea to threaten the huge budgets for women’s refuges by saying that some of the women who go into them aren’t total victims.

    Erin Prizzey.

    Because from the beginning, I was aware that domestic violence was not a gender issue, I opened a refuge for men in North London that closed for lack of support and funding. I was aware that of the first hundred women who came into the refuge sixty-two were as violent or in some cases, more violent than the men they left behind. I wrote up my findings in ‘A Comparative Study of Battered Women and Violence-Prone Women‘ as yet unpublished.

    Erin Prizzey.

  7. It’s vital that data like this is categorised accurately. Abusers and victims of abuse can be any gender and there should be targeted support for all demographics of abuse victim – reporting male victims as victims of ‘violence against women and girls’ obfuscates that completely.

  8. This isn’t really surprising male victims get ignored constantly

  9. One of the reasons as to why the male suicide rate is astronomically high as it is.

  10. I hope we can recognise this issue as a systemic and institutional problem rather than let the media turn it into a man Vs woman culture war point which helps nobody.

    Domestic abuse victims deserve better.

  11. Of course we are ignored. After a SA I actually got asked by the police investigating if I would have normally enjoy the activities if it wasn’t forced at knife point.

  12. I don’t know about the wider population, but I think people vastly underestimate how many women are abusive to their partner’s. Almost every man I know is either in or has been abused by his partner.

    I had a friend I’ve knowns since primary school who was with the same partner since secondary school, turn out to be a victim. I noticed the signs, reached out endlessly and after years he admitted it, I went round moved all his stuff and helped him leave that situation, his next relationship was also abusive.

    Another friend I’ve known since high school I just found out his partner hits/bites him whenever she gets emotional but he won’t say out or leave.

    My eldest brother was abused for years, almost died from it. And is now stuck in an ongoing battle fighting to see his kid which has been going years. But the woman (who was the abuser) gets all the free legal help and he’s on his own with only family helping.

    I know many others too. There’s a huge problem that I think gets completely ignored or swept under the rug and from what I see men just don’t speak up. I don’t understand the mentality or conditioning but they just don’t. I’ve seen friends and family turn to drinking, smoking, drugs, one suicide. All because they had abusive partners and never told anyone or got help. And even when they do, they’re still considering the perpetrators. It’s disgusting.

  13. This has always been so bizarre to me. Who in their right mind would think the right way to collect statistics on violence against women would be to blanket record all types of certain crimes as “violence against women” regardless of the gender of the victim?

  14. I went on a date last year, the lass was a lunatic. Gave me a spiel about how she’s autistic bur was diagnosed with BPD but the doctors are wrong because it was a “man” that did it and they can’t understand women.

    Well, during the date she randomly punched me in the eye mid sentence then got really apologetic and was saying she’s so sorry she doesn’t know why she did it. I was confused as fuck but I didn’t leave cos it was my favourite pub and I thought fuck it I want to get smashed.

    She then was getting annoyed that I fidget a lot (I have adhd) and said “we are getting you on the medication right away,” with absolute sincerity too. Then kept saying she’s never been on a date with someone like me she usually goes for “submissive men” that do as their told and I said well you’re hoping for the wrong thing with me then I do what I’m asked IF I want to do it or if I agree with it and I could see annoyance in her eyes from that. She then slapped me in the face and I could see it really pissed her off that I didn’t even react to it but laughed and said wtf and then she kept randomly doing it hahah. I would have left at that point if not for the Greek fellas sitting next to me that also loved history so I was talking about the byzantines to

    But yeah after we left we were walking down the street and she randomly latched onto my collar bone with her teeth so I pulled her off me and she started screaming that I have no right to pull her hair and then she ran off crying. Funny thing was it was the way she ran off that gave me the ick because it was so unathletic and i was just stood there laughing confused as to wtf just happened. When she rang me to apologise I laughed down the phone at her and told her to fuck herself

    A couple of lasses outside a pub saw everything and asked if I was okay and I told them the full story and they said I should drink with them and their friends that night so I did and ended up having a good night/met some friends I still talk too so swings and round abouts

    But yeah, days before the date I sent my mate a message saying I was getting abuser vibes ([screenshot](https://imgur.com/a/ilUSZBV)) from her so I should have listened to my instincts because I grew up enduring and aroud mental and physical abuse, but ah well had a good night anyway

    I also think her GP was correct lol

  15. Calling the entire group of crimes “violence against woman and girls” regardless of who its done to or by is outrageously sexist for no actual benefit.

  16. Is this a new thing? Or has it always been called ‘male victims of crimes against women and girls’? Because it has the same kind of ring to it as ‘racism is power plus discrimination’ kinds of gen-x trying to reclassify things in an accidentally racist way.

    I’m a male victim of rape (stranger, alleyway) and the idea that it makes you more of a woman has always bothered me. So much that I never reported, never even went to the doctor.

    Also I’m sick of being silenced when I share I’m a victim of rape, I’m not ‘making it about me, it should be about all of us.

  17. It’s insane how many men don’t realise when they’re being abused by a woman, and it gets horrifying to hear so many women casually saying women can’t be abusers. Some people really do have it very wrong.

  18. The big thing that most people don’t understand about domestic violence (and Erin Pizzy highlighted) is that in an abusive relationships it is often the case that BOTH partners are violent. Yet the issue is always painted as male violence against females

  19. Articles like this have been appearing in the news for decades. Little has changed. Given the situation in this country with abuse of all sorts and by all sorts, I doubt this particular issue will be addressed any time soon. The country is letting down many people in many different ways and we’re all paying for this financially and non-financially so that benefits to others (financial and non-financial) can be handed left right and centre.

  21. I’ll never forget the ‘My Wife, My Abuser’ documentary.

    Evil bitch of a woman only got 4 years for basically torturing this poor man and exposing her children to the abuse as well.

    More people need to watch this documentary to see how this plays out and help end the stigma.

  22. I suspect there is some cunning 3d chess going on.

    Calls to help men & boys will get ignored, or dismissed as a zero-sum plot against women & girls. But hide it under the label “women & girls”, and this is less likely – it’s very difficult to oppose support for women & girls – even if those women & girls are actually men & boys.

  23. be a man go one google.

    type, ‘why does my wife keep shouting at me?’

    see the replies.

    type, ‘why does my husband keep shouting at me?’

    .see very different replies

    🤣

  24. Why would you group men into a stat about women & girls

    They needed to explain how someone thought that was logical, how that person thinks. Without that explanation it’s very confusing to someone who thinks in a different way who is trying to understand

  25. Men make up 40% of domestic abuse victims, many of the male suicides are the result of family breakdown and abuse.

    It’s just not a gendered issue.

  27. Same in Sweden. Women’s violence against men has been classified as men’s violence against women, formally. The empathic gender, truly.

  29. I worked in this field for a long time and can attest to the fact that abuse is closer to 50-50 but the media narrative prevents this from being accepted.

    I’ve seen and had accounts of horrific incidents where the system has failed men on the receiving end of physical and emotional abuse. It’s why I left the profession as I became disillusioned by it all.

  30. A (male) friend of mine was run over, beaten up and had threats made to kill him from his (female) ex and her new partner.

    She wasn’t arrested because who would look after her child?

    The ex made numerous reports against my friend, none of them violent, yet he’s been arrested and is on bail.

Comments are closed.