I come from a very backward part of South Asia. It is among the most gender segregated societies (think Afghanistan). I came here for my studies and probably will stay here for work afterwards.

Since being here, I have been mostly spending time with guys just from my community. A couple months back, I stopped hanging out with them and started going to social clubs to make German friends and learn the culture and become part of it.

I have decided to completely abandon my culture (since I become an atheist). One thing that I find quite difficult in navigating the social circle is should I offer a handshake to women? In our culture, it is generally considered rude to do so. My dad taught me that I shouldn't offer a handshake to women unless they take the lead first.

While at work when meeting someone for the first time, I do offer a handshake first but I don't know if it is allowed/or bad to do so in social setting outside of work.

I often get into this weird situation where I shake hands with men and just hand wave to women, and it feels weird and wrong.

I already read this in the wiki, but I want to be absolutely clear about this. I assume handshake with acquaintances is fine (correct me if I'm wrong). Should one do the same with strangers as well?

Shake hands with everyone you meet (assuming the pandemic is over, of course). Only go for a hug if they go for a hug (generally only among good friends). No kisses.

EDIT: Since most people are commenting stuff like "women are human". Let me make it clear. Back home, women get uncomfortable if you offer handshake. That's why I am asking it here, I don't want to make them uncomfortable.

EDIT 2: I am sorry I did that to women 😭, I hate my culture even more now.

by TryingToFindMyself01

22 comments

  1. Yes. Women are human beings. Most people here shake hands when they meet for the first time. If you get to know them better, they might even offer a hug.

    Don’t be weird about it, there’s nothing bad nor rude about extending your hand for a shake with women (I can’t believe I have to type this out).

  2. Oh, it is easier than you think. Everytime you would offer a handshake to a man, offer it a woman 🙂
    Women are equal to men, treat us like that.

  4. Yes, do it in every situation in which you would shake a men’s hand. It’s that simple.

  5. > I assume handshake with acquaintances is fine (correct me if I’m wrong). Should one do the same with strangers as well? 

    Absolutely fine. As a woman, I’d be offended if you shook all the guys hands but not mine. When you meet someone, it’s perfectly polite to go, “Hi, I’m [name]” and shake their hand. Younger people sometimes forego the handshake and instead do an awkward wave instead, but I’m all for brining back old fashioned etiquette. (Kidding. A bit.)

  7. If you’d offer a handshake if the person were male, you can offer it to a woman as well. Before COVID I shook everyone’s hand, especially in a work setting. Now I only do when someone offers. That has nothing to do with gender though.

  8. Yes, shake women’s hands. They may think you are a crazy misogynist if you only shake men’s hands. Hugs are different, let a woman initiate a hug. I find German young people hug constantly, even when meeting a friend of a friend for the first time, they often hug.

  9. It’s quite rude in Germany to not shake hands with women when you do it with men.

    If you are in a situation where handshakes happen you should shake hands with everyone. 

  10. I unlearned handshakes since covid. I don’t remember the last time I shook anyone’s hand. I do do those half hugs though

  11. Shaking hands is not as common among young people in casual settings as it is in a business setting, but whatever you decide to do (handshake or wave) do it with all genders equally. Don’t make a difference, that’s weird.

  12. You should shake women’s hands and should also do so before you shake any men in the same group. Be a gentleman. Ladies first

  14. Gender shouldn’t play a role in your decision of whether or not you’re going to offer someone a handshake. Just keep in mind that shaking hands as a greeting has become less popular in some places since the pandemic.

  15. If you shake the hand of the man, shake the hand of the woman as well.

    It is however important to not “force” a handshake, especially in more casual settings. You may as well just look into the eyes, shake your head and smile a bit, acknowledging their existence. Not all women would be comfortable with shaking hands with people they don’t know.

  16. Just one reason why people are reacting with some annoyance:

    For us, the idea of not shaking women’s hands comes over as great disrespect.

    There was a well-publicised case some years back where someone’s naturalisation was stopped after it had basically already gone through, because he refused to shake hands with the (female) public official handing over the official document. This was considered an indicator that he doesn’t accept societal values, and a higher court confirmed that it was a valid reason to deny citizenship.

  17. In a setting in which shaking hands is the procedure, it would be seen as incredibly rude and misogynistic to NOT offer a handshake to women. So it is not only okay to do so, but a requirement in German society.

  18. Generally, you treat people of all genders the same.

    Giving a woman a handshake is no different from giving a man a handshake. It is even be considered rude not to do it. For context, read [what recently happened in Syria](https://www.politico.eu/article/syria-germany-annalena-baerbock-handshake-france-barrot-no-surprise/) with our (female) foreign minister. To me as a woman, it is fully unacceptable.
    This is really backwards shit.

    This all being said, it really depends on circumstances if you shake hands or not. Social gatherings with young people – probably no. Some people hug or give kisses to close friends. Business or formal gatherings, yes. Just pay attention to how other people greet each other.

  19. Hey,

    A woman here: it’s totally okay to shake my hand. It’s perhaps a little “stiff” and overly official (if it’s happening in a private context), but still okay (if it’s the first or second time we’re seeing us). I don’t think it’s rude (most german women think so i assume 😄).

  20. Treat women exactly the same way you treat men and everything will be fine.

  21. First shake all the women’s hands then the men’s
    , that’s considered polite

  22. Ah, young man. I have seen many such cases with individuals from Saudi, Egypt, or India simply feeling confused when greeting the opposite gender. Do note that it is completely fine and acceptable. On the contrary, if you were to withhold a handshake or a hug with a woman in a situation where you would not with a man, it might be taken as slightly offensive. But as Germans we understand that people come from many cultures and backgrounds, so it is not going to be a matter of any major contention.

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