trying to buy a Valentine’s card in the UK… bloody hell

by livvyxo

46 comments
  1. This is textbook mid-late noughties internet humour. Soft-edgy crass, teasing, fear of self-aggrandisement or un-coloured sincerity. Like how there was a period where every burger restaurant had burgers called “the Sloppy Seconds” and shit like that. Coolest thing in the world in Manchester City Centre in 2017.

    It’s now extremely dated and passé on the internet itself, and now all the younger Gen Z’s are puritans who think sex and jokes about sex are cringe and desperate. But these shifts take a few years to filter down to irl things like valentine’s day cards.

    The cards in 2028 will be all about “be my smol bean” and shit

  2. I like the one that says “I Hate You the Least,” if I had a partner I’d get them that lol. The others are not to my taste, I don’t find them unacceptable or anything, if people enjoy that sort of humour good for them, I just think they’re dead unfunny.

  3. Is it just me or has society become a lot more… trashy? For lack of a better word

  4. i quite like “i’m so glad you weren’t a murderer”, tbh.

    i found tesco’s had a reasonable, if overpriced by about 400%, range.

  5. I remember the good only days when a card had two bunnies on it and it said will you be my cuddle bun. I miss paperchase!

  6. Didn’t Shakespeare say something about moistening up her flaps too?

  7. Half of these sound like things Mark from Peep Show would say during sex

  8. Valentine’s Day is simply capitalism saying spend money on loved one’s

  9. I actually got my husband the “I hate you the least” card for valentine’s day around 6 years ago. Still true.

  10. I mean, or you could go into absolutely any supermarket and buy perfectly normal ones rather than just the ones in one specific category of an online retailer?

    Or should all cards always be 100% serious and entirely to your personal taste?

  11. Lol! I have to admit, these are brilliant! Hahaha

  12. “Moisten your flaps”….

    Bro, that’s _your_ job.

  13. I thought this too when I was browsing for birthday cards the other week. There are so many unromantic valentine cards.

  14. Trying to get a birthday card for my mum that wasn’t “to the most wonderful beautiful mummy in the whole wide world” or
    “Have lots of wine, drink wine, your functioning alcoholism makes me laugh” was a reallll challenge

  15. Go to Clinton’s and get a valentines card. What you talking about…

  16. Nothing will ever top I choo choo choose you from the simpsons that’s when romance peaked

  17. I like the “You’re my bag for life” and “You’re my dickhead” ones. The bag for life one is the right amount of cheese for me.

  18. I get cards from Etsy.

    I’ve got some especially nice lino cut print ones for people, and it’s nice to support small makers.

  19. I hate the trend of sweary and vulgar cards and I say this as someone who can be quite vulgar and sweary. I wanna get my friends birthday cards that say I love them and have an amazing day and not something about bumping our pussies together. I think they’re so tacky and I don’t know who’s buying these for there to be a market for them

  20. I noticed this ‘try to be funny’ trend, too. Its kinda gross

  21. I once saw a (unofficial) Harry Potter one with ‘Expecto My Penis’ emblazoned on the front…

  22. Well if “moisten up your flaps” doesn’t get a woman going I don’t know what will

  23. Roses are red, violets are blue,
    Count yourself lucky, I only want to chuck my muck at you.

    That’s peak romance

  24. For people who think pretending to be Jay from the inbetweeners is cool and attractive.

  25. I’m an absolute child because these were all funny to me.

  26. “Charlie this card isn’t the only thing you’ll be opening tonight?”

    I think I get this but it’s not really that funny right?

  27. “Moisten up your flaps” some would say that’s *your* job, feller…

  28. If you are any sort of norm, your relationship is over.

  29. I’ve never been happier to be single 😂🤮

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