In moments like this, I find solace in one thing: The billionaires are going to be just fine.
Canada enforces U.S. alcohol purchase ban in tariff response
In response to President Trump’s tariffs, Ontario and other provinces have already started removing American liquor brands from store shelves.
Fox – 2 Detroit
Hey, guys. So I’m noticing egg prices are still super high and the stock market has been dropping kind of fast and inflation is up and thousands of federal workers are getting laid off.
But you know what? In moments like this, I find solace in one thing: The billionaires are going to be just fine.
President Donald Trump did say that he’d fix high food prices on Day 1, and that everything was going to get better immediately. And now he and other people in his administration are using words like “pain,” “disturbance” and “detox period.”
Trump promised a ‘Golden Age.’ Where is it?
I don’t really like those words, but I don’t think they will impact important people like Jeff Bezos or Mark Zuckerberg or Elon Musk, who all stood behind Trump during his inauguration when he said: “The Golden Age of America begins right now.”
I guess “right now” isn’t exactly “right now” for us, but perhaps the billionaires get to enter the Golden Age first, which seems only fair.
It’s high time Americans start appreciating expensive goods
Speaking at the Economic Club of New York on Thursday, Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent talked about Trump’s recent tariffs and the trade war they’ve launched and said: “Access to cheap goods is not the essence of the American dream.”
I wondered for a moment if he had ever visited America, but then I realized he was probably talking about billionaires who historically have not had to worry about cheap goods, unless a sharply discounted private island counts as one.
So while I, personally, am in favor of cheap goods, as they allow me to spend less money to continue living, I totally understand why the American dream of the wealthy will be unfazed by tariffs. Prices are bound to increase for U.S. consumers, but the rich can endure a Wagyu beef bump just fine, and the rest of us already know how to stretch a box of mac and cheese out over several days anyway.
That brings me comfort as I travel to the grocery store to purchase one egg with my weekly wages.
We non-billionaires may experience some economic pain, thanks to Trump
Bessent then told CNBC on Friday that all the things Trump and Musk are doing to the federal government – which appears to be mainly firing people and flipping the “TARIFFS” switch on and off over and over again – might put the economy through a “detox period.”
“There’s an adjustment,” The Treasury chief said. “We’ll see whether there’s pain.”
OK. My preference would be for there to not be pain, but I do rest easy knowing that Bessent, who according to The New York Times has assets and investments “worth in excess of $700 million,” will not feel that pain the same way you or I might.
I simply hate it when stratospherically rich people feel pain.
It’s natural to feel economic discomfort when the economy is being ruined
Republican House Speaker Mike Johnson on Friday told Fox News that regular Americans shouldn’t worry about things like price increases or the S&P 500 having its worst week in months: “We’re transitioning from Bidenomics and the terrible economy that was delivered by the last administration. It takes a while to turn that ship around.”
You see, transitioning from 50 straight months of job growth, the second best market returns for a presidential term since 1945 and factory construction hitting its highest point in over 50 years is going to take some time.
President Joe Biden had to fix the economy after the COVID-19 pandemic, so it only makes sense Republicans and their billionaire assistants will need time to take it apart and make it work better for them.
Could a recession be coming? Don’t you worry, the rich will be fine.
A Times headline Friday read: “Trump’s Policies Have Shaken a Once-Solid Economic Outlook.”
Per that story: “Measures of business and consumer confidence have plunged. The stock market has been on a roller-coaster ride. Layoffs are picking up, according to some data. And forecasters are cutting their estimates for economic growth this year, with some even predicting that the U.S. gross domestic product could shrink in the first quarter.
“Some commentators have gone further, arguing that the economy could be headed for a recession.”
Now it might sound bad when you put all those words in one place, but remember, if you’re a billionaire, everything’s probably going to work out great.
For the rest of us, there will apparently be some pain, some disturbance and some detoxing. But I imagine we deserve that for not being uber-rich.
As your 401k collapses, just remember that Elon Musk is gonna be OK
Rather than look at my glass as half-empty, I prefer to look at the glasses of billionaires as overflowing onto the floor, and then being mopped up by servants whose glasses are all-the-way empty.
What we need to focus on as we stand in the unemployment line or put off retirement for a few years or trade our least-productive child for a carton of expired eggs is that Musk and Bezos and Zuckerberg and Trump are on solid footing with nothing to worry about.
Don’t be discouraged by our current Golden Age. I’m sure the billionaires the president is helping get billionaire-ier are living their best lives on our behalf, and they’ll welcome us in soon, or possibly never.
Follow USA TODAY columnist Rex Huppke on Bluesky at @rexhuppke.bsky.social and on Facebook at facebook.com/RexIsAJerk