We aim to please… and occasionally offend with absolute precision

by aceswild8

31 comments

  1. Absolute weapon,

    Absolute banana,

    Absolute gooseberry,

    Absolute lug nut,

    Absolute plant pot,

    Absolute…..wheelie bin?

  4. I was recently called an Absolute Hunky Chunky Almond and I’m not sure how to feel about it 

  10. Absolute bucket. Absolute box. Absolute bin bag…. Yeah, they’re not wrong.

  12. I heard “absolute melt” the other day. It was about his son.

  13. Not “absolute unit” though. I guess used sarcastically.

  14. Absolutely board of seeing this post every single week

  16. *quick look around the room*

    Absolute lampshade

    Absolute fucking couch cushion!

    Absolute dish cloth!

    Absolute loft hatch!

    Absolute clothes peg!

  17. Also our ability to use “absolutely” followed by any term to describe being drunk

    I was absolutely … … last night

  19. It can also been a compliment! You absolute beauty! You absolute legend! But 99.9% of the time yes its meant to offend

  22. The best one I heard was a fellow with the utmost disdain in his voice say

    “You are an absolute fucking haircut”

    No idea what it means but I was feeling it

  24. An absolute helmet one of something my better half favourites.

    either that or she called me Knobber 😂

    If she’s feeling particularly spicey I get Thundercunt as well.

  26. Absolutely no idea what you’re trying to say

  28. I suggest that our American Cousins make full use of “Absolute Trump” as a serious insult.

  29. This Yank is always impressed with British insults.

  30. I’ve just been looking around my room and saying “absolute” and whatever I lay my eyes on and.. yeah it just works.

    Absolute blanket
    Absolute can
    Absolut vodka
    Absolute noose
    Absolute wardrobe

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