Deteriorating relations between parents and schools ‘affecting pupil behaviour’

25 comments

1. This is why I enjoy teaching at university level. If any parent tries to interact with me that I can’t be arsed to deal with I can just reply with GDPR says kindly fuck off.

2. “Parents are abdicating responsibility for their child’s behaviour and they should face consequences.”

   Obviously this isn’t every parent. But I think if you haven’t been in school in the last five to ten years, you’d be genuinely shocked at the behaviour and attitude that an increasing number of parents display towards school or learning in general. It isn’t sustainable.

3. A lot of the resentful behaviour from parents (such as refusing discipline) comes from an abject pride in their misspent youth. ‘I didn’t get my GCSEs and I turned out ok,’ or ‘Well when are they really going to need x subject…,’ all the way to ‘Mr such and such used to pick on me when I was at school!’ I wish I could say this is hyperbole, but every damn time I’ve had a meeting with a parent with an out of control child something like this has come up…

   And honestly, for those parents that latch onto their school experience to encourage their child to vicariously score one back against the education system? Grow up. It’s petty and ridiculous. If you hate the school system that much, home educate your kids and let everyone else be in peace.

4. Parents have to contend with digital role models as well, but most Parents are hooked on influencers as well, so it is a vicious hypocritical circle anyway.

5. I’ve occasionally dabbled with the thought of becoming a teacher – I could probably do a decent job for PE or Biology, but some of the stories a mate of mine who teaches Chemistry has come out with are shocking – r/TeacherTales is full of them.

6. I’m not a teacher but I have 16 year olds and older come through my apprentice scheme and the entitlement and attitude issues are off the scale.

   Talking down to people that are trying to teach them a trade, on the bloody phones, deciding they don’t want to work a day because of their mental health.

   I try my best to be understanding but the majority of kids don’t want to learn, don’t want to put any effort in to anything and expect everyone else to do everything for them. 

   The irony is, it’s usually the upper class working and middle class kids I have issues with. The kids from the very poor areas see the wages available and seem to respond well to positive male role models.

   The others I can fire luckily, then I have to deal with their parents trying to change my mind. Had one try to sue for unlawful dismissal because I fired her perfect son, the perfect lad came in so high that we refused to let him drive himself home.

7. Wait for next year. The influx of kids from the fallout of private school VAT are about to hit the state system hard!

   I can see a rise of homeschooling in our midst.

   And honestly, if it wasn’t for my husband and I sitting on our kids while they did homeworker, there’s not a chance in hell that they would have gotten the grades that they have. WE have had to do so much prep work and extra help ourselves, it’s unreal. Both my husband and I are good with maths, he did physics at A-Level too so we have been able to tutor our kids at home.

   My son wants to do Chemistry at A-Level and neither of us have a clue about that. We are preparing for the £50 a week private tutor to shore up what the school is unable to get to.

   My son’s GCSE maths tuition at school have been a joke. His maths teacher left during the first year of their GCSE, the physics teacher also left. What they have had is supply staff and other teachers telling them to read bits of the book. It’s just dumb luck that we have been able to help him fill the gaps and make room for a French tutor to get his GCSEs over the line. I’m proud of my son, he’s really dug in and got it down.

   My daughter is on year one of GCSE and it’s the same all over again, the maths teacher is poor, cannot control a class, so most maths lessons are just a huge wall of noise. So again, we are practically taking her through her GCSE maths for the next two years.

   When this huge influx of former private school kids arrive, it’s going to be like someone’s put a match to it. I know some of these private school kids via their Mums. They are going to be destroyed in the playground with the bullying! And then the parents are going to demand the school does better? With what budget exactly? Several kids in my son and daughter’s secondary school don’t even speak english. They have their own playtime, own classrooms, on sports, own teachers, nobody else is even allowed in there, they are ferried to and from school in Mercedes Sprinter vans, how much is that costing per day?

   The school system isn’t going to know what hit it next September. And it’s our kids that are going to suffer even more for it.

8. Somethng I wanted to add quickly is a problem shared with medicine – lots of people have experience (and usually highly emotive experience) on the receiving end but non on the delivery side. This means there’s lots of people wth strong opinions who don’t necessarily understand well how things work, which can lead to understandable tension between schools and stakeholders. But ultimately, everyone is just trying to do what they believe is best for the young person, even if not everyone agrees all the time.

9. [deleted]

10. I went to a comprehensive school in North London in the 1980s (famously used for the first two series of Grange Hill until someone in our 6th form beat Tucker Jenkins up after school and they relocated)

    I was a nerd student and I was quite horrified to hear the laughter and support for a fellow student in my year, who was clearly a bit of a cunt, when his dad beat up the deputy master after being called to a meeting for his (the student) behaviour.

    Hated those violent people, managed to bypass most of it but got beaten up once, made me hate thugs FOREVER

11. When the law criminalises taking your kid on holiday during term time, you started a divide between parent and school like no other.

12. I dont think the response to covid helped. The govt and and teaching unions reinforced the idea that education wasn’t that important.

    Add in parents who think their precious child can do no wrong and should never be punished.

13. Parents and teachers used to be on the same ‘level’. Now it’s like parents hate teachers. Possibly from their own experiences.

14. Meanwhile my polite, well behaved, academically gifted son is ignored so teachers can deal with the troublemakers and their kids.

15. Some parents find it really difficult to hear anything negative about their children.

    Some parents have a complex about schools and teachers because they had bad experiences themselves.

    Some parents think teachers are bullies and are victimising their child.

    One of the hardest things for teaching staff is the way in which schools are increasingly operating with the same attitudes as private businesses – mainly thanks to academisation – whereby SLT are so desperate to avoid complaints from parents that they’ll actively undermine their own staff to appease parents. Children quickly learn that they just need to get their parents to complain and then school will cave.

16. I’ll be honest – wasn’t the best in school. Did alright, but nothing great. But it really grinds my gears when people say “when will you ever need this” or “I have two GCSEs and I did alright”. It seems parents drill this nonsense in to their kids and it completely kills any aspiration, and subsequent behavioural issues will ensue.

17. I can easily believe this.

    I have 3 kids and out of the three the middle child had a few issue in school but generally they are happy.

    When they were around 10 there was some issue I was trying to get the school to acknowledge and have a conversation about.

    When I asked about general behaviour of my child I just one word answers like fine or great.

    When I wanted to know about interpersonal relationships like friends I go answer like all good or they have friends.

    When I explained I did not shy away from the truth regarding my child I got answers like I cannot give a clear negative response or it against school policy.

    Anywho my child turned out to be a bit of a dick between the ages of 10 – 12 but the school would not admit this.

    I wanted honest answers and got nothing anywho I worked with my child and they end up having a better time at school with little to no issue they even have a bunch of friend who they hang out with in and out of school.

    I am willing to deal with just child I just wanted a school to let me know there was an issue but I also understand that school probably get a lot of parent who are dick and will kick up a fuss if they are informed their kids are dicks too.

18. The only way this is going to change is for the Government to grow a pair of balls and implement changes that protect Teachers.

    Once kids and parents realise that they can no longer threaten and intimidate teachers behaviour will dramatically improve.

19. I agree parents should always try to work with schools however I wouldn’t put 100% of the blame on the parents.
    Since academies have been a thing schools have become increasingly less transparent with parents, communication has gone downhill with things like bullying and ASD needs. The schools I’ve had to deal with have been really inconsistent with their disciplinary rules too, often punishing harshly for lower level behaviours and seemingly brushing things like bullying under the carpet.
    I understand that parents still carry some of the blame here. But if the school isn’t open with parents and all complaints seem to be dealt with in a way that protects the school then relationships with the school will start to break down.

20. I’ll always remember one Head’s words when we were looking at local Secondary Schools for our kids (nearly 10 years ago).

    Paraphrasing:

    “Your children will be here to LEARN. We support the teachers 100%, and because we do that get get GOOD teachers applying to work here. If you’re the sort of parent who cannot accept that WE make and enforce the rules here, not YOU, then sorry – but your child is not welcome here.”

    We immediately put that school as our #1 preference. And the Head was right. Discipline was strict, uniform rules closely adhered to, attendance, punctuality, homework etc… And in return the teachers were incredibly supportive and hard-working and both of our kids flourished.

    I wish every family had access to a school with that ethos.

21. Ive considered teaching a STEM subject if and when I leave corporate. Then I hear and read these facts and stories and immediately change my mind.

22. Been to four schools or preschools with my kids due to moving.

    The preschools got so much abuse from parents, especially during COVID that the police had to be called out twice.

    Kids are currently at an outstanding school that goes above and beyond with all the experiences, education and support. New parent at the school puts a screen shot of some school doing cooking with some of the kids and starts moaning “Our school is rubbish! It should be doing this too!”

    Cue a dog pile of “errmmmmm they do, you didn’t check the curriculum sheet!” Or “school is amazing actually and teachers go above and beyond – sit down and shut up” to “seesaw this week had my kid doing pumpkin soup…”

    If even in an outstanding school, you get people complaining, yes the parents are going to be awful elsewhere.

    There are times when parents might feel let down, but take it from experience, they are targeting the wrong people! When my eldest was sustaining constant assault from another student, or a fight club was started in year 1, or racist hateful sentiment came out after England lost some match, I didn’t blame the teacher. I was there in fact when she was crying at home time and the one she opened up to that she was quitting her job with no backup.

    Honestly after finding out what they were facing from the SENCO and SLT I actually sent them teachers my thanks and gifts for trying to help despite having their hands tied.

    Teachers are getting hit by all sides, sometimes literally, with students, parents, Ofsted, SLT and slashed budgets. Add in our SEND and AP crisis, it’s awful.

    I’ve seen notifications even from the outstanding school of “hey don’t assault the teachers or we’ll need to call the police”

    We are really struggling with a retention crisis in teaching and it’s no surprise why!

23. Not surprised, in Covid we realized how little material is really being covered and how much is padding. My kids are well behaved but it did impact my own respect for schools as an institution, I just didn’t let it show.

24. Schools are failing to act. My daughter class is extremely disruptive, to the point she’s now asked to move Schools because they won’t do anything about it. We’ve complained multiple times with no action. My daughter has recorded the behaviour, where you can hear the boys screaming and shouting throughout the lessons. In one lesson, she was taught for 15 minutes out of the hour because the teacher just left the classroom. One teacher just cried through one lesson. The main boy is still allowed to play for the school football team. When we questioned why he was still allowed privileges, they stated it would affect the whole team if they banned him.

    I hear the same stories from friends with children in other schools. My colleagues daughter has been bullied since she started. Yet, the school hasn’t even punished the children involved.

    In my daughters school, they’ve even introduced a ridiculous special card that allows the holder to have 15 mins if they’re overwhelmed. It seems this card is held by all the disruptive students.

25. Funny how removing consequences results in disobedience. How are people surprised by this?

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