Elon Musk is sad about DOGE, leaving Trump. Cheer up, pal.

Hey, we get it. It’s not nice when other people try to take the government you tried to ruin and find a different way to ruin it.

A heartfelt letter to Tesla CEO and chief-DOGE-chainsaw-wielder Elon Musk, from America.

Dear Elon:

Hey, buddy. We hear you’re going through a bit of a rough patch lately. Your electric-car brand and overall reputation are in the toilet, people are saying not-nice things about you, and the whole “King of the Department of Government Efficiency” thing didn’t work out the way you wanted. We hear you basically gave up, took your exploding rocket and went home after deciding to leave Trump’s administration. (Oh, we forgot to mention that your rockets keep exploding. When it rains, it pours, right?)

Listen, we get it. There are a lot of emotions involved when a person realizes that bad behavior can have consequences. Just imagine how your best bud, Donald Trump, is going to feel if that should ever happen to him? We’re kidding. That’s never going to happen. But it is happening for you, pal, and we’re sorry nobody likes you. But we ‒ the good people of America ‒ want to help you learn from this experience.

The other day, you told The Washington Post that just because you barnstormed into the federal government as head of DOGE and started firing random people and upending years of foreign diplomacy and scientific research while proudly waving around a chainsaw, you were criticized for doing those very dumb things.

“DOGE is just becoming the whipping boy for everything,” you said. “So, like, something bad would happen anywhere, and we would get blamed for it even if we had nothing to do with it.”

But see, here’s the thing, big fella. You were downright gleeful about putting people out of work. You called the U.S. Agency for International Development “a criminal organization.” And while you were doing all this, you changed your social media user name to “Harry Bōlz” and had this at the top of your profile page: “Circumcisions at a discount, now 50% off!”

Now, can you see how that kind of attitude and behavior might upset some people? Can you see how it might eat away at your credibility? We think you can, buddy. We think you’re big enough and smart enough to connect these two dots.

Now you also got a little mad the other day at the Republicans who welcomed you into their government playpen. They’re trying to pass a massive bill to make sure rich people like you don’t see a tax increase, but you saw it as undercutting all your hard work trying to fire thousands of people with little explanation.

“I was disappointed to see the massive spending bill, frankly,” you told CBS News Sunday Morning, adding that it “increases the budget deficit, not just decreases it, and undermines the work that the DOGE team is doing.”

Hey, we get it. It’s not nice when other people try to take the government you tried to ruin and find a different way to ruin it, even if that way screws over the same poor people you were trying to screw over. We want to validate your feelings, while also helping you understand that you are no less harmful than all those congressional Republicans.

In fact, you’re all equally terrible, and your ideas collectively benefit America’s upper crust while treating the rest of the country like doormats.

There’s a human emotion called “shame,” and it’s something you might want to Google when you’re not busy working on an ugly electric truck that won’t sell or a rocket that will almost inevitably explode. Consider that part of your homework!

There’s one other thing you said to The Post we want to discuss. It has to do with how your political work and public comments have turned your reputation more toxic than the bacteria that cause botulism.

“People were burning Teslas,” you said. “Why would you do that? That’s really uncool.”

You’re right, bud. Burning Teslas is very uncool and never acceptable. Never. Ever.

Opinion: Musk leaves Washington with his credibility and brand in self-inflicted shambles

But beyond unacceptable acts of vandalism, a lot of people are justifiably mad at you, and you seem surprised by that. So we want to ask you this: What are some reasons people might be angry?

Could it be because you bought Twitter and turned it into a platform for racists, sexists and Nazis? Could it be that you’ve embraced a far-right German political party and told Germans to “move beyond” the guilt of the past? Could it be that weird salute you did at a Trump rally?

Could it be the way you casually throw around the “R-word” online? Could it be the casual and mocking way you dispatched thousands of federal workers, prancing like a peacock through government agencies and acting like you knew more than anyone else in the room? Could it be that you’re mean? That your wildly anti-transgender comments are dehumanizing and disgust many people?

Could it be that you told advertisers who refuse to buy ads on X to “go f‑‑‑ yourself”?

Opinion: Democrats want a liberal Joe Rogan to help them win elections. I’m right here.

Maybe some of those things explain why Tesla sales in Europe dropped 49% in April compared with the same month a year ago.

Maybe some of those things explain why the Cybertruck is viewed as the symbol of a lonely, unfunny man dealing with serious life issues.

Unfortunately, none of those things explain why your rockets keep exploding. That’s pretty much on you, bud.

But the point here is that we hear you. We hear that you’re sad. We hear that you’re confused about the way you’re being treated.

And we want you to know you can learn from all of this. You can become a better person. Or you can keep being a self-absorbed dingus who nobody likes. It’s really up to you, pal.

Your country, unfortunately,

— America

Follow USA TODAY columnist Rex Huppke on Bluesky at @rexhuppke.bsky.social and on Facebook at facebook.com/RexIsAJerk