Jon Stewart on Elon Musk’s Black-Eyed Exit & Trump’s Insane New Biden Conspiracy | The Daily Show

Jon Stewart on Elon Musk’s Black-Eyed Exit & Trump’s Insane New Biden Conspiracy | The Daily Show

[Applause] Welcome to the show, man. My name is Dur. We got a show for tonight. Carol Cadwalletter is going to be joining us. Uh she’s a journalist. She’s going to discuss with us uh the tech broligarchy and how the entirety of mankind entirety will be enslaved by a handful of misanthropic data hoarders. Spoiler alert, we don’t make it. Speaking of misanthropic data hoarders, Doge has finally rooted out one of America’s least efficient government workers and marked and marched in for dismissal. Elon Musk is no longer a special government employee. Friday was the billionaire’s last day in charge of the Department of Government Efficiency. He’s leaving he’s leaving his job to make more family with his time. He he uh he a lot I think or just has a mail order sperm farm going. I don’t know what he’s actually I’m starting to feel bad for this guy. He’s look at he’s been there four months. Look at Look at poor B. It only took four months to go from this to this. Look at this guy. He went from tech titan given a mandate to move fast and crush the deep state to guy who had a bad night in Nashville bar he can’t remember. He’s got that look like has anyone seen my shoes? He’s look beaten down. He’s got that look on his face that I imagine his employees normally have. Black eye, thousandy stare. This dude has seen some [ __ ] I’d like to know at least how that happened. What is your eye okay? What happened to your your eye? I noticed there was a bruise there. No, I was just horsing around with Lex and I said, “Uh, go ahead, punch me in the face.” And he did. [Applause] So, you’re not going to tell us what happened? Do you need a safe place to stay? Look, I believe sometimes do happen when you’re roughousing with your kids, but I’m also sure the one sentence no parent has ever uttered to their child is, “Go ahead, punch me in the face.” But yeah, Elon spent $300 million of his own money to get Trump elected, irreparably damaged his personal brand and almost all of his businesses, and is clearly suffering some kind of issue. But don’t worry, Trump made sure that Elon got something in return. President Trump heaping praise on the tech titan, presenting him with a golden key. And I gave a little special something. We have here a very special that I give to very special people. I have given it to some, but it goes to very special people and I thought I’d I’d give it to Elon as a presentation from our country. Thank you, Elon. You couldn’t just give them theing key. You had to make sure that everybody knows you give them to a lot of people. It’s just not that special, you know. I got a bunch of these. I give them to special people. Who’s the guy who brings me my Diet Cokes? Give him one for every diet coke. Anyway, enjoy your useless key. There was no need for Trump and Elon to commemorate this epic fail. This embarrassing display of theater. Look at these guys pretending like this is some kind of celebratory victorious sendoff for a job well done. Jesus. Look, even Lincoln is looking down. You see him? Look at Lincoln. Look at Lincoln. Even Lincoln is looking down going, “This is the most tedious performance I’ve ever had to sit through. This is Even Lincoln can’t take it. Somebody booth me. I don’t like this. Too soon. Is thating Lincoln for God’s sakes? With all the [ __ ] going on in the world, I was not expecting the audience to be like, “Poor Lincoln. Just wanted to see a play. Of course, Lincoln wasn’t the only one seemingly disassociating in the Oval Office. Uh, of course, there might have been an explanation for that behavior as well. The New York Times reports that Musk allegedly used drugs far more than previously known. Look, whether Elon was using drugs on the job or not, I have no idea. I do know one thing about the television industry though, especially the news industry, and that is whatever unusual images we have of Elon’s enthusiastic time in Washington DC, those images will now be repurposed and given a slightly different meaning and context, almost comically so inside edition. Do your worst. Musk’s departure comes as a jaw-dropping New York Times report claims he was taking a cocktail of drugs while on the campaign trail. According to the Times expose, M’s erratic behavior, including waving a chainsaw around, and that notorious Nazilike stiff arm can be attributed to a daily mix of ketamine, ecstasy, psychedelic mushrooms, and aderall. They claim he traveled with a daily medication box that holds 20 pills. [Applause] Why you want to do a brother dirty that why you got to do that? Come on. Inside edition inauguration party enthusiasm or reef for madness. And you might be saying, well, look, who amongst us hasn’t unwound sometimes with a little mixture of ecstasy mushrooms, ketamine, and aderall? What What could be the harm? He told people he was taking so much ketamine that it was affecting his bladder. He He told people that this dude is a one-man anti-drug campaign. These are your pants. These are your pants on drugs. And I do I do love the fact though that the detail is he’s the one who told him he had a bladder problem. That means things were so bad he had to be like, “Oh, don’t worry. It’s nothing weird. It’s just an overabundance of ketamine. Now, obviously, we on this program would have been delighted to offer an unedited forum for Elon to discuss his journey from hardworking efficiency expert to drug adult child star mugsh shot. But he chose to go in a different direction by sort of speaking to your theaterloving parents favorite news program, CBS Sunday Morning. This is true. This was his final Trump administration exit interview. I noticed that all of your businesses involve a lot of components, a lot of parts. Do the tariffs and the trade wars affect any of this? Uh, you know, tariffs always affect things a little bit. How revealing. Any followup? Wondering what your thought is on the ban on foreign students, the proposal. I mean, you were one of those kids, right? Yeah, I I mean I think we want to stick to, you know, the subject of the day, which is like spaceships, uh as opposed to, you know, presidential policy. Oh, okay. Uh I was told anything’s good, but no. Well, no. Look what Trump has reduced this man to. He has broken this poor man to just in an interview. Can’t we just talk about spaceships? I was told we’d talk about I was told we would both be wearing helmets and talking about just a simple boy with a set of Star Wars sheets and pillows. And I really would just like to talk about I mean, you can’t blame him. This whole project is cutting money from the government trying to find efficiencies and sneaking a Trojan horse in the back door and stealing all our data. But but Trump is spending 200 billion more dollars than the previous administration did in this amount of time and creating a deficit exploding big beautiful bill that is the antithesis of everything Musk said he was trying to do. And now he’s left softly complaining about it to a guy whose normal news segment is explaining to your grandparents how to download a PDF. You know, I was like disappointed to see the massive spending bill. Frankly, uh, which increases the budget deficit, not doesn’t decrease it and undermines the work that the Doge team is doing. I think a bill can be can be can be big or it can be beautiful, but I don’t know if it could be both. My personal opinion. No, sir. We will not be body shaming legislation. I’m going to tell you something, and I speak for all the legislation out there, that in this country, a bill can be big and beautiful and I promised myself I wasn’t going to do this and brave. Holy [ __ ] Here’s my f by the way. So th this actually is my favorite part of the whole interview. So Elon actually expressed some dissatisfaction uh with what was happening with the Trump admin. It was a turn of events that stunned the reporter on CBS Sunday Morning who had no idea apparently that this was being recorded. Right after our interview, CBS News posted a clip of it to promote this very report. It was that part where Musk criticizes Trump’s spending bill and his remarks became news. It went all the way up to the White House. [Applause] Yeah, that’s what news does. He’s saying that like, “So, am I in trouble now? I thought we were just killing time until we got another Patty Lupone Apologizes update. I don’t like any of this.” But let this be a lesson to Elon and anybody in Trump’s orbit. Whatever your passion and political belief or whatever your ideology is, you will go from reaching for mind stars to dissolving in a puddle of your own urine and shame and starting a fight club with your kid just to be able to feel because Trump Trump doesn’t believe in anything. Man, what were you with him? Because of his commitment to reign in big tech. They use big tech to censor you. They use the deep state to spy on you. We have to make sure that we are protecting the American people’s privacy and data rights. When I’m president, big tech will pay. iTunes will have to agree to your terms and conditions. When I’m president, traffic lights will have to click on boxes containing pictures of you. Capture that. So, how’s that libertarian paradise vision going for you now? The Trump administration is expanding its partnership with Palunteer. The company is reportedly going to build a master list of personal information on Americans that could give President Donald Trump immense surveillance power. It’s never a good sign when the phrase master list and surveillance power are coupled. No one’s ever like, I’ve assembled a master list of puppies you can surveil for. Boops. But hey, how evil can Palunteer be? You got pal, right? Well, look, it’s not like they’re handing all of our data over to some crackpot CEO. But let’s not judge a book by its cover. The most effective way for social change is humiliate your enemy and make them poor. I don’t think in win lose. I think in domination. I love the idea of getting a drone and having light fentinyl laced urine spraying on analysts who tried to screw us. [Applause] Well, let’s not judge a book by its insides. Well, I’ve always said if there’s anyone in the country who should have access to all of my personal data, it’s the guy who wants drug laced urine spraying drones. Although, if he is serious about that, he’s going to need a source for drug laced urine. I might know a guy. No. No. Here’s the thing. The reality is this. The reality of Trump is he turns even his most fervent and enthusiastic foot soldiers upside down. Take Dan Bonino, ex- Secret Service agent, Fox News host, and guy who looks like he starts fights at little league games even though he doesn’t have a kid playing. He was very excited for the Trump era. Right now, we’re in charge. This is how [ __ ] gets done. Trump ain’t [ __ ] around. We are going to hold every one of these people accountable. It is time for total personnel warfare. Fire a h 100red people on day one. Fire a hundred more. Fire a thousand more. Fire everyone. We’re good at flipping the script on [ __ ] liberal commies. You know what’s coming? What’s coming? Does anybody [Laughter] know? Well, that last part’s going to make for some good B-roll for an Inside Edition story one day. Anyway, Trump made that guy deputy director of the FBI because of course, but look what his only three months on the job have done to him. I gave up everything for this. I mean, Cash is there all day. We sharing our offices are linked. He turns on the faucet. I hear it. He’s there at I He gets in like 6:00 in the morning. He doesn’t leave till 7:00 at night. You know, I’m in there at 7:30 in the morning. I you know, he uses the gym. I work out in my uh apartment, but I stare at these four walls all day in DC. Yeah. Um that’s called a job. You have a job. That That’s what they are. You go into a specific time, 6:30, 7 around there, to a specific room, mostly four-walled, and you’re there alling day. It’s work. It’s a job. And yeah, there probably is a dude in there that you hear alling day. He turns the water on you here. Hey, look at that. He’s chewing another sandwich. I hate this job. It’s annoying. Yeah, it sucks. How do you not know that? For God’s sakes, you’re on the right. Haven’t you even read Dilbert? For sake, work sucks. And how are you just finding about this now? How is having a job now suddenly destroying everything? But I stare at these four walls all day in DC, you know, by myself, divorced from my uh wife. Not divorced, but I mean separated, divorced. And it’s hard. I mean, you know, we love each other and it’s hard to be apart. [Music] [Applause] I mean, it’s just it’s hard. I don’t like separated. I mean, divorced. I’m not divorced. I was divorced, but not separate. I’m separated together, but not of course alone. But I go, who know? I mean, some people they leave for who the know guys come over, they come banging people. Who the knows what’s happen? I don’t know what’s happening. Why can’t she come to work? Why can’t I just bring Can I bring my wife to work? Would that be okay? We all miss our wives. What the [ __ ] The only one who’s going to come out of there unscathed is press secretary Caroline Levit because I don’t think she got any principles in there left to die. President Trump is truly the most transparent and accessible president in American history. We have truth on our side at this White House. I think everybody, the American public, believe it’s absurd for anyone to insinuate that this president is profiting off of the presidency. It’s frankly ridiculous that anyone in this room would even suggest that President Trump is doing anything for his own benefit. That’s all he’s doing. By the way, I think the more she lies, the bigger her cross gets. Is that possible? It’s like some sort of weird Pinocchio cross. The president can’t be bought. I’m not even upset with this lady because just rolling with the punches is clearly the only strategy for happiness when you’re working for Trump. Trump’s very open secret has always been he doesn’t believe in or care about any policy issue at all. He wants attention. He wants his ego stroke. And he wants money. He wants wads and wads of money. Remember his 90 deals in 90 days? He made them, but only for his family. Those are the only deals he made. Meanwhile, the world he said he was going to fix is burning like so many nuclear capable planes in Siberia. And don’t bother trying to call him on it because before you can, he’s already moved on to pulling some new crazy thing out of his ass to distract us. President Trump is reposting false claims about former President Joe Biden, saying that Biden was executed in 2020. Since then, clones, body doubles, and robots took Biden’s place as president. You’re saying that the Joe Biden, who doesn’t even know where he is, is actually an incredibly advanced cloned robot? How much ketamine are you on? A lot.

Jon Stewart tracks Elon Musk’s White House crash, from the high of being Trump’s “first buddy” to the low of his black-eyed DOGE send-off. Now that the 100-day honeymoon is over, Jon also checks in on Trump’s other struggling cabinet members, like the FBI’s burned-out deputy director, Dan Bongino. #DailyShow #JonStewart #ElonMusk

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