I unearthed and scanned an old “activity sheet” a friend and I made up for our A Level results pub crawl back in 2004. It’s an elaborate (fake) AQA exam paper for the “Ale Level” module “Booze and Boozing in the Pub”. It’s extremely sweary. Enjoy!

by tintinmcfly

36 comments

  2. A lot funnier than an 18 year old has a right to be if I’m honest.

  3. 6)
    * I’m going to the bar to buy everyone a pint
    * Those scally kids are turning the other cheek by ironing my trousers while I’m out tonight
    * I’ll ask for the barmaid’s dustpan and brush and sweep up the mess I’ve just made
    * Who fancies a hand-poured pint of nut brown ale?
    * That’s my award-winning pool cue you’re about to pot the black with, you lucky chap
    * You, sir, are heading for the Crucible after a shot like that
    * I’ll have another round of pool but only if you’ve been given permission by your wife to stay out late?

  4. as someone doing his GCSEs rn

    i would not be able to do anything with that font

  6. Seeing that long answer line and the right-aligned (3 marks) has given me an anxiety attack the likes of which I’ve not had for decades so thanks for that!

  8. This is bloody brilliant; I wish I were this creative at 18

  9. Instructions

    – Get fucked

    Laughed way harder than I should have at that 🤣

  10. I really hope this isn’t the moment you peaked, I hope there have been more fake exam papers since

  11. This reminds me of the time that I managed to get out of a detention by being brazenly sarcastic about British politics.

    They used to make you fill in these booklets that gave you fake scenarios, and you were obviously expected to pick all of the morally correct answers. Stuff like, ‘Jacob should go home and do his homework instead of going to the park after school with Ralph’.

    Anyway, I did a detention but answered everything sarcastically, with many references to current politics and how many of our politicians weren’t punished for far worse actions. Half way through the detention, the teacher looked over my shoulder and said, ‘You do know that I have to give you *another* detention if you don’t complete the booklet correctly, right?’

    Anyway, I still filled it out sarcastically and, the next day, that teacher came up to me and gave me a handshake. He said that my booklet had him doubled-over in laughter that evening so he wasn’t going to give me another detention.

  13. This is very funny, wish I had mates like you when I was 18. I’d do shit like this and then my friends would just jibe me for putting too much effort into a joke, and I’m like yeah that’s why it’s funny.

  14. This is incredible. Though just seeing that AQA exam paper format managed to unlock a long-dormant anxiety within me.

  15. Just got a wave of anxiety seeing that exams paper answer format

  16. Tarquin needs to up is game if he’s only managing a pint every 12 minutes, especially as that means he’s only getting 2 pints in and is having to crawl back to work!

  17. Absolutely incredible, well done. Especially for 2004, where easy pdf editors etc are less accessible.

  18. I’ll be honest I was expecting a bit of cringe but that’s actually pretty funny

  19. Cuntslant is something we don’t say enough. I’m bringing it back.

  20. This is hilarious – Bravo! Guessing you went to private school?

  22. My stomach turned seeing that front cover. I have left this life behind!

  24. You won me over at

    >INSTRUCTIONS:
    >1. Get fucked.

    Then double won me over with

    >The maximum mark for this paper is… Ooh. Nine.

  25. I love this, great stuff. You should have been a comedy writer.

  26. Sadly, if I send this to my outgoing Year 13s I might be out of a job.

  27. What did David do to become an AQA approved expletive?

  29. oh my lord this is brilliant. please tell me you have an electronic copy of this. i am doing a pub crawl soon and i would love to print these out for everyone if you’re willing to share it.

  30. Fuck me OP the PTSD recoil repose I got from just seeing that layout really speaks to its accuracy. That countered with the “get fucked” on the front made this all the funnier

  31. Bravo! I almost regret not being a teacher anymore cos I can’t use this on the end of term shin dig…

  32. Wow that Maddox kids hairy fire truck certainly brings back memories

  35. Tarquin has 19 pints and suffers alcohol poisoning, how many times can his friendship group remind him?
    A) Never, the poor boy
    B) Every time you step into a boozer
    C) Any time an alcoholic beverage is in sight of Tarquin
    D) Give Tarquin a nickname like Andre the Giant’s less capable cousin

  36. This is comedy gold!

    I need a hard copy of this to give to my Dad, who’s a retired teacher amd homebrew master. 😂

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