Trump Gives Wildly Inappropriate Speech to Troops, Spreads LA Misinformation & Elon Says Sorry

Trump Gives Wildly Inappropriate Speech to Troops, Spreads LA Misinformation & Elon Says Sorry

jimmy I’m the host of the show thanks for watching and thank you for joining us here in Los Angeles California on Basketball Night America from the heart of American basketball Indiana a special welcome to those of you who watch the Pacers play the Thunder in a few minutes from now I’m going to ask Arnold Schwarzenegger to say Indiana Pacers and Oklahoma City Thunder and whichever one sounds funniest I’m betting on that team to win it all we are also closely following the Diddy trial from LA which had an NBA twist i don’t know if you heard this but the court heard testimony from a woman who was using the pseudonym Jane jane was Diddy’s girlfriend she told the court that Diddy had nicknames for the participants in his threesomes he would call himself Michael Jordan she was Kobe and whatever male escort they hired was Shaq and Diddy’s penis was Magic Johnson but that’s but and if that wasn’t bad enough Diddy’s mother was there to hear this reports say that when she entered the courtroom he checked in he asked her if she’d eaten anything she said “I did eat.” And then he told her “Get ready to throw up because his mother sister and three sons were in the courtroom listening to his ex talk about these orgies not the ideal take your family to work day people have been lining up around the block to get seats in this courtroom they had to lube everyone up with baby oil just to squeeze them all in it was Jane also testified that Diddy’s favorite show was Dline she said she would feed him and then watch it with him until he fell asleep which is interesting because last month Dline had a full 60-minute episode about Diddy and this whole thing in other words he made it congratulations and then it’s fun to be on your favorite show we have another legal item of note the artist formerly known as Kanye West appears to be trying to outdy Diddy according to recent business filings made here in California Kanye who’s known as Yay would now like to be known as Yay Yay it’s one step away from changing his name to a symbol like Princeton and I have a feeling I know which symbol it’s going to be remember when Remember when Kanye sold a bunch of clothes in sacks at the Gap and we thought “Oh this is as crazy as he’ll ever get.” Well no it must be hard for Kanye though no matter what he does to get our attention not ever even half as crazy as Dier Trump the National Guard and the Marines are occupying downtown Los Angeles to stop the imaginary riots that are taking place exclusively in the president’s head ahead of his big North Korea style birthday parade this weekend trump spoke to the troops at Fort Bragg the military base named after him where he regailed them uh with a slew of insults about LA within the span of a few decades Los Angeles has gone from being one of the cleanest safest and most beautiful cities on earth to being a trash heap okay now let me tell you something i moved to Los Angeles in 1994 i’ve been here for more than 30 years it was always a trash heap okay it’s this is not this has nothing to do with anything this is and I find it especially rich coming from the guy who single-handedly turned Atlantic City into a rusted out syringefilled raccoon’s nest but the Pentagon’s estimating that this National Guard stunt of his will cost at least $135 million there’s been so much misinformation so much cherrypicking when it comes to what they show on TV i mean if you turn on Fox News you’d think LA was getting invaded by more aliens than the movie Mars Attacks they are working so hard to make this seem like a lawless battleground you guys are here in LA does it seem like a lawless battleground to you right now but I think I might have found what prompted what set Donnie off i think it started with one protester this guy who apparently has information saying that Trump has a cho and that is very rude it’s not a ch his son’s name is Eric okay and then 4 hours later he sent in the National Guard i’m getting texts from people around the country asking “Are you okay?” Yeah we’re okay the only problem we have is this lunatic he’s acting like we’re burning the city to the ground let me give those of you who live here a sense of the terrain here in Southern California some visual perspective okay so this is LA County covers more than 4,000 square miles and this is the city of Los Angeles it’s big enough to fit the land area of seven major US cities at the same time and this is the protest area right there that’s it this is the emergency equivalent of having a mosquito bite on your body but that doesn’t stop General Useless Srant who gave the young army men and women at Fort Bragg a wildly inappropriate and ridiculous speech from um a lying boasting and saying really some really truly dumb things we had a grossly grossly unfit president who listened to whoever was operating the autopen and they allowed these people to say “And by the way I’ve known this guy for a long time he was never the sharpest bulb.” True he wasn’t he was a round bull but that’s Trump you know he’s not the brightest knife in the drawer he’s Some say he’s two tacos short of a Happy Meal according to Rolling Stone the Pentagon handpicked the group of soldiers they put behind him for the speech to make sure they didn’t have opposing political views and they also didn’t want any fat soldiers back there for real which not only is that ridiculous all you achieve by doing that is to make Trump look fatter the New York Times reported today that Elon Musk called Trump on Monday to I don’t know I guess try to butter him back up and in the middle of the night last night Elon tweeted “I regret some of my posts about President Donald Trump last week they went too far.” Which ones went too far was it the one where you called for him to be impeached and replaced by JD Vance was it the one where you said his big beautiful bill was a disgusting abomination was it the one that said he wouldn’t have won the election without you buying it for him or the one where you insinuated he is a pedophile on the Epstein list i really would like to know i mean because sadly for Elon Musk I’m not sure the apology worked because you know that car Trump made a big show of buying from him it’s for sale um here it is on Craigslist tesla never used MAGA Red and everything is computer okay you know what enough about that basketball head let’s get back to the NBA Finals tonight it was the first Finals game in Indiana since the year 2000 which back when our biggest concern was if we could get tickets to see Big Mama’s House in the theater going into game one the Thunder had only lost at home one time during the playoffs that was until Indiana point guard Tyrese Hallebertton hit a gamewinner with less than a second left and ignited the passion of the Pacers fan base i believed I believed the whole time it felt like one of those games we grow basketball here and soybeans but mostly basketball but also soy go soy it’s you know basketball season’s ending soybean season just getting started every year during the finals we have some fun at the game with a hardcore fan what we do is we stop someone who’s on the way out out of the bathroom back to their seat to see how long we can keep them there so we sent a crew to Oklahoma City we found a Thunder fan during the fourth quarter of game one and we did everything in our power to keep him with us on camera in our 2025 NBA Finals edition of Clock Blockers what’s your name sir brian Smith i’m from Oklahoma City big Thunder fan well since 2008 season ticket holder fantastic love it we’ve been waiting 13 years to see your team back in the finals we don’t want to waste this opportunity no problem no problem we don’t want to waste your time with dillydally or Donald or screw around or fart about okay see that’s great let’s go Thunder we’re looking for someone to be the new arena character a character i can I’m a character it’s called the game clock oh oh you see the gray hair let’s get you inside this clock real quick hey I’m the game clock it’s thunder time right now baby it’s thunder time that’s what time it is let’s go Thunder that’s great we want to get you back to your scene as soon as possible missing a great game back there we just need you to record some quick messages it’s 10:00 Central Standard Time the hands are running we got to make it 10 10:00 it’s 10:00C time do you know where your children are lisa Stevens in section 246 row 12 is it a time you forget Ryan i’m sorry it’s Jeff it’s Jeff isn’t it time you forgave Jeff tik Tok if you’re over 50 it’s time to get your colon checked we are missing the game of the year let’s get you to do some ads for local businesses beep it’s time to change your car’s oil remember McGill Mortuary when your time is up i’ve had just enough beards to try to I’m I Is this a dream or am I If term likes tick you off you need to talk to the team at Bennett’s Bug Bonds okay we got that one all right let’s try this one let’s try this one i’ve had too many beers tick tock tick tock if your ticker’s talking take a quick listen and take that tick- tocking ticker to the ticker dog before your tick- tocking ticker gets rocked dr tickva Tick of a Ganut MD the ticker dog who just doesn’t stop brian that’s great okay so I don’t even know what I just said oh we’re going to get you back in you’re fine you’re fine this is some game uh when someone asks you which wristwatches are Swiss wristwatches you tell them Zven’s wristwatches are Swiss wristwatches sven’s wrist watches on the corner of South Swathmore and Sesu Hannah 17 Switchback oh that was great boy you nailed that my tongue is I’m going to get you out of here one more laugh one more quick ad make a move to Marvelous Max’s meat smoothie shack this thick shake’s made of six smoked sirloin steaks big soup oh my god i’m not chewing it now there’s a lot of meat in there it’s still in my mouth i can’t get it out of my mouth all right anybody tell me are we winning this is the cuckoo clock so we’re going to go 1:00 it’s 1:00 cuckoo okay now it’s 2:00 cuckoo cuckoo it’s 3:00 cuckoo cuckoo cuckoo it’s 4:00 cuckoo cuckoo six o’clock cuckoo cuckoo cuckoo cuckoo okay moving up to seven i still have a smoke shack in my mouth there’s six sirloin steaks in there hyperventilating almost there 10:00 okay 11 midnight okay now you’re the doomsday clock ready it’s 7 seconds to midnight stock up with plenty of schllosenburgers potato pumps what sawenburgers potato pups it’s 7 seconds to midnight it’s time to stock up on Sloenburgers potato puffs armageddon hungry i’m getting hungry like Armageddon like Armageddon oh my god rose oh my god the shot of the year oh my god the shot of the year guys my thunder i paid $400 to take it okay last one last one is there a straw somewhere a local locksmith locksmith local locksmith we have cuffs we’re going to put cuffs you want to get my hair my hair is in yeah thank you don’t let constipation lock you up with Farmer Friends Fiber Chew with Farmer Friends Fiber Chew you got here oh my god this game is insane [Applause] [Music] [Applause] is your opioid treatment leaving you locked up stop the constipation with Farmer France fuzzy fiber juice help your colon break free break the now break the handcuff these cups aren’t breaking these are supposed to be breakable cups they’re real cuffs what happened they’re not breakable they’re not breakable i They didn’t press the keys have you been accidentally locked in handcuffs look at me call Lucky Larry the lickety split locksmith simply enter promo code lucky Lenny locksmith loves leopards and his lemonade leprechauns leaping like lemons yeah you did it you did it you did it nice nice up top high five you know you can keep those cups wow god bless Brian what a good sport [Music]

The Diddy trial continues and had a bit of an NBA twist, Kanye West would now like to be known as Ye Ye, the National Guard and Marines are occupying downtown LA to stop imaginary riots that are taking place in the President’s head, Trump spoke to troops at Fort Bragg where he regaled them with a slew of insults about LA, according to Rolling Stone the Pentagon handpicked the group of soldiers they put behind Trump, there has been an incredible amount of misinformation spread about what’s actually going on here, Elon Musk reportedly called Trump to try to butter him back up after his tirade on Twitter last week, and with NBA Finals underway we sent a crew to Oklahoma City to prank a fan in our 2025 edition of “Clock Blockers.”

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About Jimmy Kimmel Live:

Jimmy Kimmel serves as host and executive producer of Emmy® nominated “Jimmy Kimmel Live,” ABC’s late-night talk show. “Jimmy Kimmel Live” is well known for its viral video successes, with over 16 billion views and more than 19 million subscribers on the show’s YouTube channel. Some of Kimmel’s most popular comedy bits include Celebrities Read Mean Tweets, Lie Witness News, Halloween Candy YouTube Challenge, Jimmy and Cousin Sal pranking Aunt Chippy and music stars like Rihanna and Dua Lipa surprising Jimmy in the middle of the night.