Trigger alert and link to women’s aid below
Listening to crime world podcast about the Jackie Twomey who had boiling water thrown over her while she was asleep and was beaten with a hammer by her husband of 40 years.
Few stats from women’s aid and a link for women’s aid too,
https://www.womensaid.ie/get-informed/facts/
35% of women in Ireland, more than one in three, have now experienced psychological, physical and/or sexual abuse from an intimate partner.
An Garda Síochána responded to over 65,000 domestic abuse incidents in 2024, which translates to an average of 1,250 incidents every week.
I’m a man 39 years old and was totally ignorant to how bad this is at the moment wtf I’d going on with numbers?
I’m really blown away by this and how do we really fix this?
by Irish_drunkard
16 comments
Some of this shit is just grim. I’ve been drunk as hell I’ve never come at someone with a hammer and scalding water. That’s something that’s there whether you’re drunk or not.
It goes without saying part of the fix is meaningful prison sentences and extended parole/probation that gets rescinded if people keep drinking or doing drugs.
Unfortunately a lot of abuse survivors are dependent on their abuser for income, their abusers are the fathers of their children so they decide to soldier on until it becomes unbearable.
I’m reluctant to call anyone a liar, but if a woman says “out of nowhere one day my peaceful, loving husband of fifteen years suddenly broke my nose” part of me, as someone with experience in a violent household, really doubts that’s the first time. People need to know how important it is to report this earlier on and not wait until you’re in fear for your life.
65k calls in one year is crazy. On top of those not reported.
There needs to be some sort of “escape route” set up. Many victims have to stay with their abusers for financial reasons.
I use to do man with a van work, I’d say if anything those numbers are low.
It’s nothing new, most of the women who disappeared in the supposed “Vanishing Triangle” now turn out to have most likely met their demise at the hands of a partner or other male they knew well.
This was a shocking listen. I never in a million years would have thought the figure was so high and I’ll tell you I don’t see men changing soon (I’m a man).
I’m a teacher for example and one co worker is constantly posting about doing the right thing and being a good person while simultaneously being the biggest creepy scum bag going. Most recently our VP was bent over helping students and he commented on her ass. I said I thought you two were friends. He said I’d still f**k her. I just replied ‘Jesus’ with uncomfortable look then he called me a f**got.
He’s one of the good ones supposedly.
I too was unaware this shit still went on then started dating and hearing stories most women have one in some shape or form its absolutely nuts it still happens.
Just to add, about 30% of DV starts when the woman is pregnant. Which is terrifying as you’re trapped and tied to him for at least 18 years.
A young lady in my work just confided to me that her x is waiting for her outside work and following her home every day. Last week, he screamed abuse and pushed her over. I’ve so many friends who’ve been through it, happened to me too. She’s such a small, young girl, raising their child alone, trying to hold down a job, and I know just the psychological torture of whether or not he will be there is killing her. Sorry for the rant. We all probably work with someone going through this.
Its not that surprising.
Im not that old like early 40s and I remember seeing it happening in public the odd time, sure we use to have the phrase (and im probably misremembering it) Angel abroad but devil at home to describe the very pious men who seemed so nice but at home they’d be beating the shite out of their spouse and children.
Just a few houses down from my parents there was a women who barely spoke and every few days she’d have a different bruise on her face, the son clearly witnessed the violence and ended up becoming a little gangster that put together a bunch of 13-15 year olds who would go to a nearby row of cottages populated by people in their 70s and beat them for money the brag about getting a Jlo (junior liason officer).
Not to doubt the statistics – watched enough criminal docs to see the same story happen over and over.
But if 1/3 of women experience domestic violence, 1/3 of men overall must be criminals (as men in relationship is a huge percentage)? Which is insane?
(Also male). Honestly, the only way to tackle this is extremely hard punishment. Unfortunately my mother suffered from this, and thus my opinion is very close to saying DV warrants the death penalty, but I’m more reasonable than that
Part of me says though, if someone is a wife beater, they’ll always be a wife beater. So to me, a multi decade jail sentence is warranted instead of the death penalty
A massive amount of domestic violence goes unreported. In my small circle of friends, 2 have been seriously abused. One did report and got out of the situation after she was left hospitalised after a vicious attack because he thought she was flirting with the bartender while out on Halloween. Scumbag had his friends drive out to her rural house every night for weeks just to scare her after she broke it off.
The other friend, she’s sadly still with him. They were together 4 years before the abuse began. Thought he was such a lovely fella. Real down to earth, friendly as can be, super thoughtful and helpful. My husband and him became close friends and the 4 of us used to go out all the time. He doted on her so lovingly, we honestly thought they were just such a perfect couple. Until I got a phone call from her at 10pm one night when her child was 6 weeks old, asking me to meet her in a store parking lot. Got there and she was hysterical and the baby was hysterical. They got in a fight as he was spending 13 hour days at work (owned 2 businesses) and she needed more help at home with the baby. While she was breast feeding, he slapped her across the face and said it was because she was nagging too much. She said that was the first time he ever laid a finger on her. It’s since turned into financial abuse, as her company went into insolvency when she was 7 months pregnant and he refuses to pay for someone to stay home with the kids, so she is dependent on him. In public he still acts like a real community and family man. But my husband and I barely acknowledge him. We haven’t totally shunned him as they are now married, and she doesn’t have a ton of friends. I don’t want her isolated. We’ve offered to help her leave, stay with us, give money for legal assistance ect but she still loves him and doesn’t want to break up their family unfortunately.
I know I’ll get downvoted to bits for this but I think there is a certain tolerance for this within Irish society, people will know a man is a wife beater, a financial abuser, a mental abuser and still go for pints with him or play soccer. They’ll still believe the narrative that their wife/ex is the crazy one, she’s at home minding the kids of course she can’t have her own money and then not even question why she might be struggling. I think until men start calling out other men for it, it won’t change.
Do what you are doing it. Bring it up in conversation, talk to your male friends about it, you are now more aware so you will pick up if you think it’s happening.
It’s time to acknowledge these things and talk about it #ownit
Thanks for bringing it up
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