Ozzy Osbourne Sells His DNA on Liquid Death Cans for the Low Price of $450: ‘Clone Me, You Bastards’

https://people.com/ozzy-osbourne-selling-dna-liquid-death-11757004

31 comments

  1. Cloning a mumbling lifetime alcoholic and drug addict really doesn’t seem like a high priority for any lab.
    There are an infinite number of better uses for $450.

  3. All I need is a healthy ovum and I can grow my own Ozzy Osbourne!

  4. Considering he’s still alive after everything he put his liver through, maaaaybe we should clone him for medicine.

  5. The shameless cash grab near the end of life is such a sad way to cap off an amazing rock career. IMHO.

  6. Obviously Ozzy has been a serial killer all this time and needs to explain some DNA that’ll be showing up.

  7. Wouldn’t it be crazy if Ozzy went from killing a bat on-stage in the 80’s to himself dying on-stage at this upcoming “Final” show?

    Just straight up ends with “Mama I’m Coming Home” and then collapses.

  9. If you clone Ozzy Osbourne does he have to pay child support?

  10. The year is 21,728 A.D.

    Earth has changed in many ways, in some ways good, in many ways bad. To start, you had some ancient asshole in some ancient mega corporation decide to sell some ancient musicians DNA in a beverage almost 20,000 years ago.

    Then things stayed quiet for a bit. For 8,000 years there laid cans of this ancient being’s DNA all throughout the Earth. For many more years there were wars and plagues, moments of peace, and silence for some. For a long time our race was at the brink of extinction, our ancestors having issues with sustaining a planet and a species, having no progress with either. Then, about 2,200 years ago, close to the 210th century, a can of this ancient human’s DNA was discovered.

    What shocked scientists even more was that his DNA did not crumble to the law of half-lives. It had somehow sustained its original state after twenty thousand years.

    I’m not interested in writing anymore but I’m high and that was a good typing spree

  12. So there’s an weird new alternate reality, where the planet is eventually covered with cloned Ozzie’s

  13. “Yes, we really got the Prince of Darkness to drink from 10 cans of our low-calorie Iced Tea. And yes, he actually crushed each can himself. In the process, he left behind trace DNA from his saliva that you can now own. He even hand-signed each packaging label.
    Now, when technology and federal law permits, you’ll be able to replicate Ozzy Osbourne and enjoy him for hundreds of years into the future. Only 10 available to buy.
    DNA integrity and cloning results not guaranteed.”

    its already sold out. they found 10 ppl to buy an empty, half crushed can. With a signed piece of paper. The signature can be worth a lot if on a LP but signed photos are like $75.

    So…..they found 10 people to buy a $75 signature plus $325 for an empty can. I am in the wrong business lol.

  14. worst marketing ever.

    i will absolutely never have anything from this brand.

  15. I want my kids to eat live animals for no reason. Didn’t see this coming, didn’t we?

  17. I don’t think the world has enough cocaine for more than one Ozzy Osbourne.

  18. Somehow this is less stupid than putting stevia in all of your best products. I used to be 100% behind this unique brand but now I hope they fail.

  19. Did he just run his hand over the cans as they whizzed down the assembly line?

  20. Anyone who buys this is a moron. Reminds me of that chick who was selling her farts.

  21. When it come to doing crazy stuff Ozzy is pretty good at it

  22. Liquid Death? The same company that swapped out sugar cane with stevia and kept that change off their bottles? Get fucked LD squad.

  23. Please don’t he was a part of his time that’s all

  24. Liquid death are just asking AI what the most outrageous stunt is right now. It’s Fucking water. I wouldn’t be surprised if they jump on the Sydney Sweeney boat and let people drink her bath water in a can.

  25. At least they are finally admitting they spit in the can

  26. He was one of the first few genomes fully sequenced to determine just how he survived it all.

  30. His wife: “let’s squeeze the last few £££ before the cash cow dies”

  31. People try to swab rare sea cucumbers in the South Asian Sea in order to create new life saving drugs and this man is just handing out his hyper resilient DNA for free

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