Parents happier than childless couples, but not if they start young

28 comments

1. “Males who did not want children reported the lowest life satisfaction. Among females, those who were uncertain about whether they wanted children reported the lowest life satisfaction”

   I know it’s not a popular opinion on here, but it’s great having kids.

2. As someone reaching 40 with no kids. I do struggle sometimes with purpose, like why am I doing this job, why am I doing these things. While my male friends with kids, always happy, struggling, but happy.

   Something I think about time to time. Weather I was wrong not to have kids. 🤔

3. The cynical part of me wonders how prone to lying parents would be in situations like this – would a parent admit to being unhappy after having children?

   You can love your children but still wish you hadn’t had them – but that’s my joyless, childless, black-hole-of-a-heart talking.

4. Almost like we are biologically predisposed to want children!

5. Causation vs Correlation.

   I’d wager those that *wait* are doing so for a purpose – prioritising their education and career. Once those are in place, along with a house, children can be brought into a stable and secure environment.

   Those having children young, likely did without properly planning and thinking through the consequences. They going to be raising the child without financial security. They will be less experienced in relationships, adding to the stress.

   People who have a plan, make deliberate decisions, build a career and have more money of course are going to have better lives than those who just “do what they feel like”.

6. Parenting is absolutely brilliant, the most fun and fulfilling part of my life, but I’m glad I travelled and had adventures in my twenties and early thirties.

   If I hadn’t had a lot of experiences before having children I think I’d feel worse about not being able to do as much stuff while they’re young.

   I’m also definitely a better parent in my late thirties than I would have been a decade earlier.

7. There may be lot of bias here. Lot of people feel guilty saying they are unhappy with kids. Not on either side of this debate as I’m undecided on kids.

8. Pasting my comment so it doesn’t get buried:

   Their conclusion was:

   ‘_Overall, our findings suggest that parenthood confers modest mental health benefits for both males and females, although these benefits are shaped by the timing of parenthood, the number of children and socioeconomic circumstances._’

   So, people who want children, are older when they become parents, have one or two, and are educated and affluent, on average, report lower mental health problems when compared to the other groups.

   It’s reasonable to see why this would be true, but we can’t draw ‘it’s great having kids’ from their findings.

9. Imagine if we had policies which encourages families rather than totemic triple lock.

10. Happiness is fickle. Have kids when you feel you are ready to be good parents.

11. I have a daughter and I suffer with depression.
    Dealing with depression has become easier, those days where I don’t want to get up I use to stay there but now I always get up to see what she’s up too.

    Sometimes it’s colouring in, sometimes we’re role playing superheroes and sometimes she wants to read together.

    Having a child makes me happy and that’s not something I could have said 10 years ago because I was always waiting for the next trigger to put me in a downward spiral. Being a dad is a really good journey and you just have to put your all into it and raise that little one into something beautiful.

12. Wonder how much happier they would be if people stopped pestering them about having kids, about how kids are their entire universe, how they can’t imagine not being a parent’ how society is constantly complaining and crying at the falling birth rate and how there are constant negative connotations to being old without a child.

    Like create a culture wherein having a child is seen as the only thing worth doing like a marriage and buying a house then not doing it can make you feel like the odd one out and like you are doing something wrong.

    There is of course the basic component of it being one of our purposes in nature and so also lead to such a society.

    Also I wonder how many of these childless couples are childless due to past trauma, medical issues, societal anxiety or the financial freedom to have a child. (I can’t open the article for whatever reason my phone won’t let me).

13. I think this is one of those studies that uses broad brush headlines to obscure important details, such as

    >“A greater number of children was linked to worse mental health for females but not males,” the research said. “Females with more children reported significantly higher psychological distress and lower life satisfaction, reinforcing the notion that the mental health burdens of parenthood disproportionately affect mothers.

    There is, in addition, a huge stigma around publicly admitting that you don’t enjoy your children, and no doubt that comes into research responses. 

    And let’s not forget the /r/regretfulparents sub. It must be terrible to be a child that the parents didn’t really want. 

    If you want kids, have them, but preferably wait until you’re financially stable. If you don’t want kids, don’t have them, because it’s not fair on anyone involved. 

14. Having kids is the hardest yet most amazing thing you can ever do

15. Sometimes you end up not being able to have kids, me and my wife went down the usual fertility route but it just didn’t happen.

    However we have five nephews to spoil and get to live our life’s how we want. Just the cards we were dealt. Was definitely depressed at first but now we are both happily married 8 years.

16. My kids are the best thing I’ve ever done. The baby stage was very tough, but right now having a 3 yo and A6 yo is magical. They give me intense daily joy and pride. Seeing their personalities develop and their innocent view of the world is a real privilege. I do think kids can strain relationships though – at last the baby stage did for us. Worth it though!

17. My parents were in their 40s when they had me and I think I benefited from them being more mature and having life experience before kids. I’ve not had any kids myself and I’m very happy with that decision. All my mates say they love their kids but if they had the choice they probably wouldn’t do it again.

18. Having kids is fantastic. You know what else is fantastic? Not having kids. They are equally fantastic for different reasons.

19. It’s funny, I just reached 41 and up until now I was a late bloomer. Met my partner 5 years ago, bought our first house 2 years ago. But something switched in us about a year ago – it felt like all we did was wake up, goto work, come home and eat dinner, goto sleep and rinse and repeat, waiting for the next weekend or holiday to have something to look forward to. We were both working hard to get to good levels in our professions which kept us busy but now we’re there, you do wonder what more is there left to life and if this is is now.

    Thankfully, my partner is now 18 weeks pregnant and although I was ambivalent towards having children before, now I’m really looking forward to it as the next stage of our life – I know it’s corny but it does feel like we have another purpose.

20. I’m curious where this leaves all the deadbeat dads and neglectful parents who seemingly view their children as a chore and don’t even raise them adequately. It’s all good saying parents on average are more content or satisfied – doesn’t guarantee they’re actually “good parents”. There are other ways to give yourself a sense of responsibility and fulfilment if you’re looking for that. Having children is a duty, it’s not this romanticised gift that’s going to magically solve your relationship or make you happier. And once that infant stage is over and you can’t show off your perfect little cherubs anymore and they’re difficult – you find a lot of parents don’t know how to handle it. Don’t rely on having kids to give you happiness or purpose. They’re not fcking tamagotchis.

21. Odd. The childless people I know are much happier and fulfilled than those with children.

22. I’m in my 40’s with no kids and loving life. I work on creative projects, I gain fulfilment from my cat, who is a big baby, and I dont need to stress about the financial realities of kids. I know my personality wouldn’t suit raising a child and I’m happy with that.

23. This reads like asking gym goers what’s a good amount to be able to lift.

    As a 30something with a girlfriend, living alone and no kids – I’m definitely happier than the few people I know with children. Their leaves scream constant stress. Part of it seems they’re stuck in jobs they hate to feed the family.

    So money may be a major factor.

24. I’d assume that wether the couples are childless by choice or by circumstance will have a big impact on this.

25. You can be happy without kids, you can be happy with kids. Huge influence on that is financial aspect. If me and SO had a child 15 years ago we’d be hugely less successful in our life, and I don’t mean career. eF career. Thanks to being responsible for just each other we were able to take chances that we would never take being parents. Now it might be too late, but that’s life.

    You don’t need to have polls or research done to know having money helps. With everything.

26. Have more kids so the elites can keep their lifestyle? No thanks. Why anyone would willingly have kids when the world is in such a state is beyond me

27. It’s always funny seeing parents desperately try to justify their life choices.

28. Obviously, because child*less* want, but don’t have, them.

    Child*free*, on the other hand, are happier.

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