A Swiss German neighbour in a house where I have been living for more than a decade is trying to be friends with me in a way that she does not find excessive (but I do). She regularly breaks the general etiquette rules (e.g. [https://emilypost.com/advice/neighborly-manners](https://emilypost.com/advice/neighborly-manners)) by knocking on my door without prior notification/agreement for non emergencies, by staying for more than an hour every time I let her in even though I don’t invite her past the hallway, by stopping me every time she sees me on the stairway, even if she can observe from her window that I am running back to my flat because I just forgot something while leaving. pretty much at every interaction she suggest that I give her some IT advice or teach her children maths. She offers to look after my cats, dog and baby — something I have never accepted, and in general I never asked her for favours, i.e. I am not in any emotional or moral debt. Somehow she unilaterally put herself to “we are friends” distance and not to “we are neighbours” distance. What can I do?
9 comments
I think this is a serious case for the bünzli police. Call them immediately!
seems like she might have a crush on you, I‘d say. Or she’s just overly friendly, but since it seems so extraordinary, I‘d go with the first.
I’ve always found the direct approach of actually talking to the people whose behavior is overwhelming me, and just set ground rules and tell them how their actions and behavior makes me feel. Also wearing nothing but sandals when you answer the door can scare people away for good.
This is exactly why I’m moving away from Switzerland. People are just afraid to open up to new people
This is the most Swiss post I’ve EVER seen.
Lol, imagine complaining because your neighbour is too nice 😂
Seems like she want to flirt.
Somebody I worked with (she would come to the house to work for us) used to be like this and I know exactly what you’re talking about. Could a third party talk in your favor if you haven’t tried to do it yourself?
There’s a difference between being friendly vs being over the top annoying and harassing when the other person is not interested.
The problem I had with that person is that they did not respect boundaries.
In the end I just ended up ignoring them. Maybe you should start to do the same. Say hello and just keep walking. Don’t answer the door. You have no obligation to interact with them.
How long has this been going on?
Is this going on for a decade 😱?
Well, this is a nice change from all the “Swiss people are so distant in impossible to befriend”-posts! Here we have a brave Swiss lady fighting stereotypes and look how it’s going.
OP, I get it, sometimes, it’s just too much. But it sounds like your neighbor is coming from a good place. The etiquette isn’t written in stone and practiced by everyone.
Just gently keep your distance if your not interested in a friendship. And if she catches you at a bad moment it’s absolutely ok to explain that you “have to run but see ya later”.