Gutfeld: If Fallon wants to do this, I WILL NOT complain

Gutfeld: If Fallon wants to do this, I WILL NOT complain

♪ ♪ [APPLAUSE] >> Gutfeld: ALL RIGHT ALL RIGHT. I HAVE NOT GOTTEN A HAND LIKE THAT SINCE I ROBBED A GRAVE. IT IS FRIDAY SO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS LET’S WELCOME TONIGHT’S GUESTS. WE HAVE THEM ON FRIDAY AND FORGET ABOUT. “FOX & FRIENDS” FIRST COHOST TODD PIRO! FANS TO SEE HIS ACT ALWAYS DEMAND REPARATIONS. COMEDIAN! IS ALWAYS PACKED WITH CRICKETS. RIGHT JOE DEVITO! AND IF HE TALKED ANY FASTER HER FEELINGS WOULD MELT. COHOST OF OUTNUMBERED EMILY COMPAGNO! BEFORE WE GET TO SOME NEW STORIES LET’S DO THIS. >> GREG’S LEFTOVERS. >> Gutfeld: IT IS LEFTOVERS WERE I READ THE JOKES THAT WE DIDN’T DO THIS WEEK. IF THEY SUCK WE WILL ADDRESS JOE MACHI UP AS A NANNY AND SCENT HIM TO KAMALA HARRIS’ HOUSE. [LAUGHTER] THANK YOU. YESTERDAY NEW YORK GOVERNOR KATHY HOCHUL DECLARED A STATE OF EMERGENCY IN NYC DUE TO SEVERE FLOODING. SOME OF THE FLOODING CAUSED BY THE RAIN OR THIS MAN’S TEARS. SPEAKING OF LAST NIGHT KAMALA HARRIS WAS ON STEPHEN COLBERT’S SHOW AND TOLD STEPHEN GROWING UP SHE NEVER WANTED TO BE THE PRESIDENT. SEE, KIDS, SOMETIMES DREAMS DO COME TRUE. NINETEENMAK SAYS ONE OF HER FAVORITE QUOTES IS FROM HER MOTHER QUOTE DON’T LET PEOPLE TELL YOU WHO YOU ARE. INSTEAD TELL THEM WHO YOU ARE. HER LEAST FAVORITE QUOTE? BY THE WAY, YOU ARE ADOPTED. AS A WAR AND IT FELL DOWN ON THE SENATE FLOOR YESTERDAY. TO EVERYBODY’S SURPRISE DID NOT EVEN YELLOW GERONIMO! HER NEW INDIAN NAME IS FALL ON ACTS. SPEAKING PRESIDENT TRUMP SAID EVEN THE INDIANS WANT TO NAME THE REDSKINS BACK. HE FOLLOWED IT UP — HE FOLLOWED IT UP BY SAYING IT IS A MATTER OF IF, WHEN, OR HOW. A NEW STUDY SHOWS THAT TAKING OZEMPIC CAN PREVENT ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION. HERE IS HOW IT WORKS. IF YOUR WIFE IS FACT AND TAKES OZEMPIC IN A FEW MONTHS YOU NO LONGER HAVE A DYSFUNCTION. I’M SORRY. WOKESTER’S ARE SLAMMING AMERICAN EAGLE ADDS THAT SAY SYDNEY HAS E IT PROMOTES EUGENICS. THEY ALSO ATTACKED LAY’S POTATO CHIPS MOTTO WHICH IS THAT YOU CAN’T EAT JUST ONE TAUNTING FACT CHECKS. IN RESPONSE TO THIS AD ABERCROMBIE & FITCH RELEASED A NEW COMMERCIAL WITH A PLUS SIZED WOMEN WHICH RAISED CONCERNS ABOUT VIEWERS WHO PANICKED THAT SOMEBODY HAD EATEN SYDNEY SWEENEY. THE FBI IS ASKING THE PUBLIC FOR ANY INFORMATION REGARDING THE DISAPPEARANCE OF JIMMY HOFFA. SOME CONSPIRACY THEORISTS THANK YOU MIGHT HAVE BEEN CONSUMED BY AN ABERCROMBIE AND FINCH MODEL. THURSDAY WAS NATIONAL DAY. I’M SO TIRED OF THESE FAKE HOLIDAYS. — THURSDAY WAS NATIONAL ORGASM TIRED OF THESE FAKE HOLIDAYS. I FEEL DIRTY. PRESIDENT TRUMP IS BRINGING BACK THE PRESIDENTIAL FITNESS TEST FOR SCHOOLS, TEACHERS ARE EXCITED, THIS MEANS THAT STUDENTS WILL HAVE MUCH BETTER STAMINA DURING SEX. SCIENTISTS SCIENTISTS SAY EMBARRASSMENT CAN BE GOOD FOR YOU AND HELP YOU CONNECT BETTER WITH OTHERS. EVEN MORE BEING AN EMBARRASSMENT IT CAN YOU A MORNING SHOW. >> I SAW THAT ONE. >> Gutfeld: A NOTORIOUS AX MURDERER WHO KILLED HIS ENTIRE FAMILY WAS RELEASED FROM PRISON THANKS TO ALL LAW BACKED BY TIM WALZ. ACCORDING TO PROBABLY JUST ON HIS PERIOD. SPIRIT AIRLINES PASSENGER CLAIMED SHE WAS NOT ALLOWED TO FLY AFTER GETTING COSMETIC SURGERY. SHE WAS ALLOWED BACK ON ONCE SHE CHECKED HER FACE WITH BAGGAGE. [APPLAUSE] TERRIBLE. FINALLY AS A RESULT OF THAT HUGE RUSSIAN QUAKE SEVERAL WHALES WASHED ASHORE IN JAPAN. [APPLAUSE] LET ME FINISH! EXPERTS WERE AMAZED THAT THEY MADE IT THIS FAR FROM HOME. [BLEEP] TERRIBLE JUST TERRIBLE! ALL RIGHT. MONOLOG TIME! SO KAMALA HARRIS WENT ON STEPHEN COLBERT LAST NIGHT ONE REJECT CONSOLING ANOTHER. IT FELT LIKE TIM WALZ GIVING HIMSELF A PEP TALK AND THE LADIES ROOM MIRROR. IT WAS KAMALA’S FIRST INTERVIEW SINCE HER BEAUTIFUL — BRUTAL ELECTION LOSS. BUT I WONDER, IS SHE THERE TO SELL A BOOK? >> I TALK ABOUT IT IN A BOOK. WHAT I TALK ABOUT IN THE BOOK. SO THIS BOOK, I TALK ABOUT A BOOK. I HOPE I’M WRITING THIS BOOK. THE BOOK. TALK ABOUT THAT EXTENSIVELY IN THE BOOK. REMEMBER I TALKED ABOUT IT AND 107 DAYS BUT YOU HAVE TO READ THE BOOK. >> READ THE BOOK I KNOW WE READ THE BOOK. >> BUT I. >> GOT TO READ THE BOOK TO FIND OUT. [APPLAUSE] >> Gutfeld: THE BOOK IS ABOUT HER CAMPAIGN. IT IS CALLED 107 DAYS. YOU CAN FIND IT IN BOOKSTORES BETWEEN MITT ROMNEY’S MARCH TO THE WHITE HOUSE AND THE FORD PINTO, AMERICAS CLASSIC. HER PUBLISHER COMPARES THE BOOK TO ROCKY. NOT BECAUSE IT IS INSPIRING BUT BECAUSE EACH SENTENCE GIVES YOU A CONCUSSION. I WONDER, THERE IS A LOT OF PERSONAL STUFF IN THIS BOOK? >> THERE WAS A LOT OF PERSONAL STUFF IN THE BOOK I MEAN, FOR DOUGIE. [LAUGHTER] FOR EXAMPLE, MY BIRTHDAY IS IN OCTOBER ELECTION IS IN NOVEMBER. [LAUGHTER] YOU SEE WHERE I’M GOING? AND DOUGIE KIND OF DROP THE BALL ON MY BIRTHDAY. [LAUGHTER] >> HE DIDN’T GET YOU ANYTHING? >> YOU HAVE TO READ THE BOOK. [LAUGHTER] >> Gutfeld: NOW WE REALLY HAVE NO IDEA WHAT DOUGIE DROPPED THE BALL MEANS. GUESS WE WILL HAVE TO WAIT FOR THE NANNY TO WRITE HER TELL ALL. BUT I REALLY HOPE SHE TELLS US WHAT IS IMPORTANT, SEE THINGS IN THIS MOMENT WHERE PEOPLE HAVE BECOME SO DEFLATED. >> IT IS IMPORTANT I THINK THAT IN THIS MOMENT WHERE PEOPLE HAVE BECOME SO DEFLATED AND DESPONDENT, AND AFRAID, AND AFRAID. >> YES. >> THAT THOSE OF US WHO HAVE THE ABILITY, WHICH I DO RIGHT NOW, TO TALK WITH FOLKS AND REMIND THEM OF THEIR POWER. I JUST WANT TO PUT A FINE POINT ON THIS YOU CAN NEVER LET ANYBODY TAKE YOUR POWER FROM YOU. >> Gutfeld: I HATE TO TELL YOU [APPLAUSE] KIND OF DID TAKE YOUR POWER AWAY. [LAUGHTER] THAT IS THE WHOLE REASON YOU WERE SITTING IN THAT CHAIR AND TRUMP IS RELIEVING HIMSELF IN A TOILET MADE OF GOLD. BUT THE INTERVIEW WAS AMAZING FOR GIVING YOU A GLIMPSE OF AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE. WHERE MISERY IS REDEFINED AS JOYFUL AND THE WINNER IS STILL A MONSTER. THE EXTENDED INTERVIEW POSTED ONLINE STEPHEN COLBERT LONG FOR BETTER DAYS BEFORE TRUMP KICKED HER ASS BECAUSE LESS THAN A YEAR AGO THINGS WERE VERY JOYFUL. >> LESS THAN A YEAR AGO THINGS WERE VERY JOYFUL. THERE WAS ACTUALLY A LOT OF HOPE ASSOCIATED WITH YOUR CAMPAIGN. AND THERE WAS A LOT OF PROMISE THAT WE MIGHT ACTUALLY NOT ONLY KEEP THIS ABSOLUTE BARBARIAN OUT OF THE WHITE HOUSE. >> YES. >> BUT ALSO WE MIGHT ACTUALLY MAKE PROGRESS AS A COUNTRY. >> Gutfeld: WHAT COUNTRY IS HE TALKING ABOUT? AND PLACE IT IS DOWN, BORDER IS SECURE, HE IS OUT OF A JOB. WHAT A NIGHTMARE. HOW CAN WE POSSIBLY? HOW CAN WE POSSIBLY GO ON? I’VE NEVER SEEN TWO PEOPLE LOOK MORE DOWN IN THE DUMPS THAN WHEN I LEFT THE TWO SIAMESE TWINS AT THE ALTAR. THAT MAKES FOR, TWO SIAMESE TWINS, BUT NEVER MIND. OF COURSE KAMALA WAS RIGHT THERE WITH HIM SPINNING HER SAD TALE. >> I BELIEVE, AND I ALWAYS BELIEVED, THAT AS FRAGILE AS OUR DEMOCRACY IS OUR SYSTEMS WOULD BE STRONG ENOUGH TO DEFEND OUR MOST FUNDAMENTAL PRINCIPLES. AND I THINK RIGHT NOW THEY ARE NOT AS STRONG AS THEY NEED TO BE. FOR NOW I JUST DON’T WANT TO GO BACK TO THE SYSTEM. >> Gutfeld: THAT IS A SHAME. [LAUGHTER] BUT DON’T WORRY, KAMALA, THERE WAS QUITE AN LUCRATIVE ECOSYSTEM WAITING FOR THE LOSERS IF YOU ARE A DEMOCRAT. REALITY SHOWS ON NETFLIX, SPEAKING ENGAGEMENTS, BOOK DEALS. AND YOU WERE ALREADY SOMEHOW PLUGGING A NEW BOOK. SHE BROKE BRIAN KILMEADE’S LAND SPEED RECORD FOR TURNING OUT A BOOK WRITTEN AT A FOURTH GRADE LEVEL. I’M JUST SHOCKED IT IS NOT CALLED BARTENDING FOR DUMMIES. SO STEPHEN COLBERT’S SHOW WAS CANCELED WHAT GOT HIM ASKED? THERAPY, NOT COMEDY. BUT WHILE HE INTERVIEWS A LOSER JIMMY FALLON INVITES A WINNER. YES, I WILL BE APPEARING ON “THE TONIGHT SHOW” NEXT THURSDAY. IT IS THE BIGGEST CROSSOVER. [APPLAUSE] THANK YOU. YES. IT IS THE BIGGEST CROSSOVER SINCE THE HARLEM GLOBETROTTERS VISITED THE GOLDEN GIRLS. >> GOOD EPISODE. >> Gutfeld: AND BEA ARTHUR HIT OUR TRIPLE-DOUBLE. IT LOOKS LIKE I WILL BE ON WITH THE JONAS BROTHERS WHICH IS GREAT, I HAVEN’T SEE THEM IN A WHILE. A LOT OF PEOPLE DON’T KNOW THIS BUT I WAS ONE OF THE ORIGINAL MEMBERS. UNTIL THEY BOOTED ME OUT FOR BEING TOO HOT. BUT IT SHOULD BE FUN. HE SEEMS LIKE A GREAT, GENUINE GUY WHO WANTS TO MAKE PEOPLE LAUGH INSTEAD OF PUTTING THEM TO BED MORE ANGRY THAN “THE VIEW” AND A SALAD BAR. AND UNLIKE THE OTHER GUYS, TO ME SITTING WITH ME PROVES HE IS NOT AFRAID OF UPSETTING HIS PEERS OR AFRAID OF MY MESMERIZING CHARM. REMEMBER HE WAS DESTROYED FOR HUMANIZING TRUMP BY MESSING UP HIS HAIR. THE ANGRY MOB WANTED A BRUTAL TAKE DOWN BUT JIMMY DID SOMETHING DIFFERENT HE HAD FUN WHICH IS CRIMINAL TO THE LIBERAL HIVE MIND. SO JIMMY FALLON WAS EVISCERATED, AN EXAMPLE OF THE MEDIA DEMONIZING EVERYBODY. IF YOU HUMANIZE HE LOOKED — HITLER WE WILL DEHUMANIZE YOU. BUT MAYBE WE CAN HAVE FUN WITH EACH OTHER EVEN IF POLITICALLY WE ARE DIFFERENT. IF HE WANTS TO RUN HIS FINGERS THROUGH MY HAIR I WILL NOT COMPLAIN. AFTER ALL, LAST TIME HE DID THAT, THE GUY BECAME PRESIDENT. [APPLAUSE] >> HEAR HE IS. >> HELLO, GREG, HOW ARE YOU? >> I’M GOOD, CORRECT. >> GOOD TO SEE YOU. >> Gutfeld: SELLING HOMES THIS WEEK? >> THREE. LET ME TELL YOU YOU CAN GET A GREAT RATE. RATES ARE GOOD RIGHT NOW THEY COULD GO DOWN BUT I WILL PUT HIM IN THAT FOREVER HOME. >> Gutfeld: FOR THOSE WHO DON’T GET THE JOKE HE DRESSES LIKE HE IS IN MIAMI REAL ESTATE AGENTS WITH A SECRET CABIN AND A SECRET FAMILY IN TEXAS. ALL RIGHT, TODD, WHAT DID YOU MAKE OF THE INTERVIEW? >> A COUPLE THINGS SHE TALKS ABOUT THE SYSTEM THAT SHE WANTS NO PART. THE SYSTEM THAT SHE HAS BEEN PART OF FOR DECADES. LITERALLY SHE HAS A CAREER OR, TO YOUR POINT AND THE MONOLOG, HAD A CAREER BECAUSE OF THAT SYSTEM. IT IS A SYSTEM THAT HAS BEEN PROPPED UP BY DEMOCRATS SINCE THE DAWN OF TIME. AND IT IS A SYSTEM THAT SHE HAS GONE EXTREMELY WEALTHY OFF. SO DON’T TELL ME THAT SIX MONTHS INTO A PRESIDENT THAT IS TURNING AROUND THE COUNTRY IN A WAY THE MAJORITY THINKS IS THE BEST WAY TO RUN A COUNTRY THAT YOU ARE UPSET WITH THE SYSTEM AND THAT YOU ARE OUT. THE REASON SHE IS NOT RUNNING IS 100% OBVIOUS. SHE CAN’T GET THE DONORS RIGHT NOW FOR A CALIFORNIA RUN OR FOR A PRESIDENTIAL RUN. IF THAT CHANGES. IF THE DONORS LOOK AT THIS AND SAY OH, GOSH, WE LITERALLY HAVE NOBODY WE HAVE TO GO BACK TO KAMALA AND THEY START POURING MONEY INTO HER I GUARANTEE SHE WILL BE OKAY WITH THE SYSTEM AND SHE WILL RUN AGAIN. BEFORE I CONCLUDE. >> Gutfeld: PLEASE. >> ONE PEACE. [LAUGHTER] I’M LOOKING FORWARD TO YOU BEING ON FALLON. I’VE INTERVIEWED HIM BEFORE WHEN I WAS A LOCAL REPORTER, THEY WERE NICE GUY, BUT I WANT TO GIVE YOU A PEACE OF ADVICE THAT YOU GAVE ME BEFORE WE CAME ON THE SHOW. BE YOURSELF. >> Gutfeld: OH WOW. >> NO KNOW YOU ARE RUINING THIS! AND I TRY AGAIN? >> Gutfeld: YES. >> BE YOURSELF, YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE FUNNY. AND I HAVE BEEN EMPLOYING THAT STRATEGY FOR THREE YEARS ON GUTFELD. >> Gutfeld: NICE. VERY GOOD. YOU ARE AN ASTUTE POLITICAL OBSERVERS. >> THAT IS TRUE. >> Gutfeld: YOU HAVE WRITTEN MANY BOOKS. >> YES. >> Gutfeld: PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN. >> YES, I HAVE. [LAUGHTER] >> THE HANDBOOK THAT WAS ME. KAMALA WAS REALLY PUSHING THAT BOOK. SHE MENTIONED THAT BOOK EVEN JUDY BLUME WAS LIKE WE GET. JUST GO AWAY. >> Gutfeld: BUT YOU KNOW WHAT SHE IS NOT THOUGH SHE IS GOING TO BE AROUND SHE IS GOING TO BE AROUND. >> IS SHE? >> Gutfeld: I THINK SO. WHAT ELSE IS SHE GOING TO DO? >> HER HUSBAND? AIN’T THERE AT THE WILLIS IS A FROM THE JEFFERSONS? YOUR MY GENERATION. >> Gutfeld: YOU ARE NOT GOING TO READ THE BOOK ARE YOU? >> I’M GOING TO READ IT THEN I WILL BREAK A WEED ON. >> Gutfeld: BEAUTIFUL. >> COME ON NOW. >> Gutfeld: EMILY WHAT DID YOU MAKE OF WAS IT KIND OF SAD WATCHING THE INTERVIEW? >> NO. IT JUST FELT LIKE THE STALE REPLAY. IT IRRITATED ME BECAUSE IT WAS LIKE BEING BACK IN TIME. THIS IS WHAT THEY HAD EVERY DAY THIS WAS OUR VICE PRESIDENT. NONSENSICAL, LIKE AN APPROPRIATE AFFECTS. LIKE A CACKLING HOW YOU KNOW THAT MAKES NO SENSE AND WHEN SHE TALKED ABOUT NOBODY CAN EVER TAKE YOUR POWER AND HER DISMAY AT THE SYSTEM I MEAN THAT WAS THE SYSTEM THAT SHOVED HER DOWN THE THROATS OF HER PARTY. SHE EMBODIED THE USURPATION OF THE VOTES OF THE PEOPLE, THE WILL OF THE PEOPLE. AND IT WAS BECAUSE POWER WAS RESTORED TO THE PEOPLE. THAT IS WHY SHE IS OUT OF THERE. SO FOR HER TO HAVE THE LIKE SORT OF HOMELANDS TO COME OUT AND SAY DON’T WORRY YOUR POWER WILL BE RESTORED THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED WHEN WE BOOTED YOUR IDIOT OUT OF THE WHITE HOUSE. I DOUBTED MYSELF WITH WHAT I WAS GOING TO SAY. [APPLAUSE] >> Gutfeld: I COULDN’T HELP BUT NOTICE KAMALA’S FACE WHEN STEPHEN COLBERT WAS TALKING ABOUT HOW JOYFUL IT WAS. SHE LOOKED AT HIM LIKE HE WAS INSANE. >> BY THE WAY CONGRATS ON FALLON LIKE THE TALKS WITH THE PEOPLE AT THE MIKE DOUGLAS SHOW. >> THE PROGRAM. >> THIS WAS SO STRANGE TO WATCH THAT YOU HAVE A CANCELED TV SHOW WITH A FAILED CANDIDATE TALKING ABOUT HOW SHE IS NOT RUNNING FOR LIKE YOU DON’T HAVE A SHOW SIX MONTHS AFTER THE SUPER BOWL AND INTERVIEW THE LOSER. >> THAT IS WHY I MEAN I DON’T KNOW WHAT WE CAN BE COMMISERATING ABOUT THE BEST WAY TO BURN THROUGH MILLIONS OF DOLLARS LIKE HUNTER BIDEN ONE NIGHT AT THE… HOUSE. EVEN STEPHEN COLBERT TRYING TO SET HER UP LIKE WHAT IS IN THE BOOK? AND SHE IS LIKE TOLD A STORY ABOUT DOUGIE WHICH MADE NO SENSE. WHAT’S THE PERSONAL THING. >> Gutfeld: SHE DIDN’T READ THE BOOK! >> I HAVE A THEORY. I HAVE A THEORY IT IS ACTUALLY ONE OF THE BOOKS OPENED UP HOLLOWED OUT AND IT IS CALLED SOUTHERN COMFORT

Fox News host Greg Gutfeld and the panel discuss former Vice President Kamala Harris’ interview with Stephen Colbert and Gutfeld’s upcoming late-night show appearance on ‘Gutfeld!’ #foxnews #fox #news #usa #us #gutfeld #greggutfeld #comedy #comedian #media #politics #kamalaharris #harris #kamala #vicepresident #stephencolbert #jimmyfallon #interview #breakingnews #television

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