Sorry in advance if this doesn’t belong here
I’m gonna be and old man this year and turn 30 at the end of November. And I’m a man who’s basically done jack diddly with his life besides travel. I’m proud I’ve gotten to, don’t get me wrong. And I’m still off smoking. But I’m also, to put it simply, a loser. By that I mean I’m a drunk who regularly blows a .25 (bought a BAC machine just for giggles) or close to it without even really trying, and I don’t have any friends. Never have, really. Even though I have my parents, they’re always fighting with each other when they should’ve divorced years ago, but I digress.
Let’s just say there have been times where my dad’s old hunting rifle has come off the shelf for purposes other than what it was intended for. But if I did that, I wouldn’t have gotten to see these views and been to Fringe and fallen in love with the culture here. I just am not looking forward to going home at all.
by Mad_Season_1994
50 comments
With all due respect, I think you should speak to a psychiatrist. glad you enjoyed Scotland!
Go and get some councilling, dude.
Then make some life changes. 🙂
I really hope you find a way despite the struggles. It sounds really tough. I hope the mountains give you air to process it all and maybe inspire a way to make your life work.
Where’s home
30? Old man at 30? you’re still very much a young man with plenty time to do everything in life you would want to do. Trust me, 30 isnt even close to old.
My life improved after I quit drinking. I try and find joy in the simple things. Enjoying a coffee as the sun rises in the morning. The view from a hill on a sunny day. Use a future return trip as a reason to soldier on. Scotland will welcome you back 🏴
You won’t be saying that come November when it’s dark at 4pm with sideways rain for weeks on end
So stay.
Good thing you didn’t come in winter
Well stay then mate, we are happy to have you. Hope you have a good day.
A love coming here, it’s a rare laugh.
Man at 30 I still didn’t know my elbow from my arsehole.
You’re in a good position in a way. You know what you’re unhappy about, and you’ve found somewhere you like and things you are interested in. Now’s the in-between graft when you work out how to get from A to B.
20s are for experience, 30s are for following the path you’ve found for yourself in your 20s.
Good luck.
Na it belongs here this be reddit.
The big 30 don’t make you old. (I hope not as I’m 33)
Travel is not diddly squat just means you put in a few miles to have a look at the dirt ball spinning in space that we call home. Some peeps hardly leave their home town in a lifetime.
As for the rest well go visit a councillor it does help and make a difference.
Scotland has its charm as a duel citizen (Canadian/British) I get why people like it here.
You’re in the wrong country if you’re planning on quitting drinking.
Mate, I was in my 30’s when I got married and found my dream job. Life is far from over at your stage.
Now is a good time to think about what you want to do and go for it. You have something like 40 years of working life ahead of you, that’s more than enough time to become an expert in something several times over. And, frankly, a man doesn’t have the same biological clock as a woman, so family life is always an option.
So, fuck it, get a skill, move to Scotland, start a family, and have your best life 💪🏼
Quit drinking and your life will change immensely. You are a traveller at heart, and you wish to! By god the best version of you wants to be a non-drinker.
I highly suggest!
I’m so glad you enjoyed Scotland and that it brought you some happiness and peace during your visit. I’m sorry that you’re finding life back home so difficult though. A couple of thoughts from an ancient person in their 30s:
– It’s ok to recognise that your current life isn’t giving you joy. However, emotions aren’t facts. Being unhappy doesn’t mean that you’ve failed or that it’s not possible to find happiness. It’s a signal to try something else.
– Things can change very quickly. In a couple of years you could have a new environment, new people in your life, and feel really positive about the future.
– Therapy works if you put in the work. Seeking help for your mental health isn’t weak, it’s brave. The most important factor in making it work is the connection with your therapist – if you don’t feel seen and understood, find a new one.
– The only thing that can permanently prevent you from finding the life you really want is dying.
Keep going, get some help, and come back to bonnie Scotland.
I agree with the others, get help.Make a list not a fun one but “what is my purpose?’ action plan. If you have none think about how you can better the world you live in now. That will give you purpose and reason. Work towards a goal. Anything that gets you up each day and makes you feel worthy. Start small, start giving you. Corny cliches but they’re true.
You are not old LOL.
Youre literally in the prime of your life with a million options on the table.
I think most people are actually the same but don’t know it. I’m Scottish so don’t have the machine gun, but I have zero actual friends and only my family. I’m at peace with it. I think it’s better to know your relevance in people’s life than to falsely believe you matter when you don’t because that hits way harder. I must admit I love just resetting away from humans in our countryside. I felt how you’re feeling on a Croatian island.
If you decide you want to quit drinking, stop by r/stopdrinking
We’re a lovey bunch there.
30 isn’t old. Yes some folks seem to have it all figured out by the time they leave school but the majority of us take a while.
I left my ex husband at 41, went to college and got a new career.
You need to build your own village. Get professional help and support with your drinking. Alcohol is also a depressive so while you are drinking you will feel more alone, helpless and apathetic to do anything.
Scotland is a beautiful with amazing people 🏴 sounds like you need counselling to get to the bottom of your problems your only 30 years young pal Don’t Look Back In Anger
30 is nothing. Make tiny changes and things will get better.
Just stay, then. I lived there for 2 years on a 3 month student visa.
30 is nothing. I was a mess in my early 30s with nothing to show for myself, quit drugs and cut down dramatically on alcohol and managed to get the kind of entry level job that allows you to climb and now have a decent-ish job.
I could have been in a different position if I’d have worked hard from a young age but you can’t change the past so there’s no point worrying.
And yeah, parts of Scotland are beautiful. Although I rarely leave Edinburgh so you’ve probably seen more of it than me!
Héll, I’m 55 and still got nothing compared to some people. Absorb scotlandd beauty. It doesn’t judge or expect anything from you. It’s just beautiful. Enjoy it and store some of that peace in Scotland. Then plan to come back. That’s means you go home and do little things to make your life better. Work, save. Come back. Soak in more strength. Go back and get a bit better. And whenever life seems to much, close your eyes and remember that view. Plan to see it in a different season. Use it as motivation. We will be glad to have you back.
Hugs! Keep taking your next step. Be you!
I was brought up with scenery like this in NW England it’s the best place on earth when the sun shines….not so much when you have to dig out the road to the house from snow drifts
You know, some of us have spent our lives looking after others, working all hours to pay bills etc and still have nothing or no one. I wish I had done loads more travelling and not worried so much. Enjoy your travels, you’re still young.
An old saying goes: “wherever you go, there you are.”
Go seek help for yourself mate. You deserve it. Running around trying to avoid it won’t do you any good. That said when I turned 30 I moved to the U.K. because I needed space from my family to be able to achieve that. Establish what you need to heal then do it.
Start proceedings and move!
If you love the country and your neighbours, then you’re a Scot!
There’s plenty here who would make you friend and family!
Where’s home
I don’t think I grew up till 50. There is still so much to do and see. You have lives to live yet.
(Sent from the ruins of a hilltop castle in Slovenia)
Mate, you’re clearly going through it, so find someone to talk to. Try getting some therapy, and speak to a doctor about your drinking. Therapy’s not some magic cure, but you need some external perspective, to feel heard/seen, and talking things out with someone who’s relatively objective can help ground you a bit, and start things moving in the right direction. In terms of making friends, get involved in some clubs or societies based on your interests/hobbies. If you don’t have any hobbies at the moment, think about what you’d be into learning about or getting involved in, and then get in about it!
There have been times in my life I’ve felt like you, felt like giving up, felt lonely and out of place, but stuff like that does get better. Sorting out my relationship with booze and substances was a game changer for me. I wasn’t a daily drinker myself, more of a ‘can’t be social without drinking’ situation for me – figured out I’m Autistic and ADHD much later on in life. When I did drink, I was getting blackout drunk, there was no ‘off’ switch, I was burning the candle at both ends, would snort any line put in front of me before knowing what it was, always acting on impulse, zero goals, shallow relationships, I was always aiming low in life, always getting fired from jobs, I felt broken and useless, and I’d considered all sorts. But now I’m in a good place, spend far less time nursing horrendous hangovers or apologising to people for making an arse of myself, and I’ve found plenty in life to be grateful for. Connection, be it with friends or partners or whatever, helps with a lot. Lack of it makes everything feel fucked, and reliance on booze, or drugs, or whatever addictions we end up with, dulls the pain temporarily, but it doesn’t solve the problem. Often it just exacerbates it in the long run.
The “loser” stuff is just negative self-talk. You’re not inherently this or that. You’re in a situation that is depressing and isolating for you, and when you’re locked into that, it feels like there’s no way out. Obviously the dire political situation doesn’t help, and the parental stuff sounds draining – modern life in general feels very disconnected and overwhelming at times – but focus on the things you can change, that you have power over. You’re still here, you can still have things going for you.
And remember, views and experiences like you had here will always be here for you to come back to and revisit. In the meantime, be kinder to yourself, and take that first step.
I am an alcoholic. Became an alcoholic age 12. I was 50 when I finally got sober. I am now about to finish my nursing degree and will qualify this November at age 55.
You are still incredibly young. You have an amazing life ahead of you, you just need to grasp it. Every bad part of your life can be changed if you want to.
Sweetheart if you think 30 is old, you need to log off and start paying attention to the real world. It sucks that there is nobody to go back home to but you can use it as a stepping stone. Nothing is stopping you from starting fresh. You can move, you can learn a new trade, change.professions, go back to school, pick new hobbies. Nothing is stopping you. I promise, 30 is not old age. Your life expectancy is around 80 years. You are at best barely one third of it.
But seriously. Log off and try to plug into the reality. Clubs. Organisations. Hobbies. Friend groups. Try and experiment. You can do it.
Jesus Christ go to therapy you eegit. 30 isn’t old. You’re living in literally the best time any human can be alive and here you are being an absolute goober.
Not sure if you’re going for sympathy or woe is me nonsense but your life isn’t over. Your life is in its prime. Take some ownership and stop being a sad sack.
The worst thing you can do is 10 years from now be posting this same sad sack nonsense.
Today’s the day. What small change can you take to improve your life. Commit to it and once you’ve made that a habit, move on to something bigger.
The most fun I had in my life was in my 30’s. You’ve just got to want to do stuff get out there and break your programming for a bit.
It’s also important to view it as “for the adventure” and be comfortable with your own company because if you go out with a specific vision or version of what you want to achieve then you’ll end up getting desperate.
Seriously 30 isn’t even a milestone anymore.
30 year old?, I’ve got a steak pie in the fridge older than that.
My life took off at 30. Sure were a load of bumps after that but approaching 50 now I absolutely would love to relive my 30-50 years. So many memories.
Life can be tough for people especially when you have a rough childhood. It tarnishes everything and you never truly feel free of it. Like it haunts everywhere you go and every relationship you have. But it doesn’t need to own you. You can forge your own path. You can still have a lot of fun. Might be best to pull away from those that damage you as much as you can. You might not have friends now but that can change. Every friend I have now came from those 30-50 years. I too felt like I had no path ahead of me at 30. What was the point? Dead end career prospects. Meaningless people in my life.
I guess the change for me was deciding I was going to focus on enjoying what life had to offer. Not let the past guide me but take a new journey away from that and let me discover the person I could be without the baggage. Not be ashamed to break out of the rut that the past was tying me too. Little by little I grew and changed and begun to find pleasures in life that just attracted new pleasures and positive changes. I actively sought out new groups of people, group activities or solo ones.
Turns out the relationship I have now came about specifically on the day where I finally clicked something in my head. A sense of “fuck expectations, fuck fearing how I’d be judged. Fuck feeling like things are too much effort. Just do and enjoy and do t care.” That evening I went out to do an activity which I’d always wanted to do but kept making excuses. And that’s where I met my now wife.” Not saying that’s gonna happen to everyone obviously but taking chances creates opportunities.
I moved to Edinburgh (admittedly from Wales) when I was 29, the first time I visited was when I was 24 and decided right there and then I wanted to do it.
Life got in the way, and no doubt you’ll have alot of hurdles to jump through to move here. But if it’s in the realm of possibility for you, do it. Make it your goal and work towards it, I’ve never looked back.
Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life
The most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives
Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don’t
Get plenty of calcium
Be kind to your knees
You’ll miss them when they’re gone
-Baz Luhrmann
Your no old man your just Scottish get your arse back here you’ve already found the where you belong
I’m told that the first hundred years are the hardest I still have a few years to go but I can tell you that I have done more happy living in the past fifty odd years than I did in my first thirty years including marriage kids and grandkids and I have never gave up a love for good whisky!
Dude and I say this with love
Your life has barely begun you have plenty of time to turn it around and be the best version of yourself
It won’t happen overnight and it will be a battle but it’s a battle you can win
Book again for next year or the following year have something to look forward to and something to work for and toward
I’m nearly 50 and I’m just starting to get my shit together! When you get home, you have a blank page to start on, write your plan down on how you’re going to get back to us to visit again. That way you have something to aim for, even if you start with the last step of getting here. You can fill in the steps as time passes.
Arrange an appointment with your doctor to speak about how you’ve been feeling, it sounds like you are ready to make a change in your life. And we absolutely want to see you back on our soil again
I remember how I felt turning 30. Felt like I was at the end of the road. It’s not. It’s just another crossroad. You have options. Go home and plan your return. Quit drinking as much if you think it’s a problem. Life is just beginning.
Try writing out 10 things you want or what you want to achieve, in order to be successful in your own mind, then circle the one most important to you. Write out the steps you would need to do to achieve it and then just start with trying to do that one small step. Before you know it, you will have something you didn’t before.
Good luck.
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