I recently finished co-editing Women in a Golden State: California Poets at 60 and Beyond. The idea for the project came to me one day while having dinner with my co-editor. When ideas emerge in this organic way, they are often ideas to carefully consider. When we sent out the call for submissions, we were amazed at the overwhelming response. Women wanted to share stories about their loved ones who had passed away, adolescent experiences, and how aging had affected them. They wanted to look back at all the experiences that shaped their lives and made them the person who they are today. The enthusiasm was overwhelming and encouraging. The project inspired me to consider the art of collecting autobiographical memories.

Autobiographical Memory and Reminiscence

Autobiographical memory refers to our storehouse of life experiences or the retelling of our life story. It refers to specific events and to the general knowledge we have about ourselves. This type of memory gives us a sense of who we are and how we navigate the world.

Reminiscence is the act of recalling our experiences; most often, we share them to bond or connect with others. Doing so can lead to feelings of nostalgia. Very often, it can be a good antidote to loneliness and can promote prosocial behavior. You cannot reminisce unless you have autobiographical memories. Sometimes therapists engage in reminiscence therapy with seniors as a way to enhance their well-being. Looking back on our lives tends to minimize loneliness and isolation.

Positive Remembering

Remembering positive memories can also improve mood. One study by Speer and colleagues (2020) showed that when reminiscing about positive events from our past, we are more likely to talk about experiences that were shared with other people than experiences we encountered alone. The same study showed that recalling social events leads to lower cortisol levels, especially after a person has been exposed to stress.

Reminiscing about happy memories is intrinsically valuable. The study concluded that how we value our past is not only dependent on whether the events were positive or negative, but whether others were involved. Social memories are a reminder that we are all connected. They also foster a sense of community.

Reminiscing and Seniors

One study I found particularly interesting was done by Webster (2007) and showed that older adults tend to reminisce about stories involving others, while younger populations tend to reminisce about what they experienced alone. In addition, older adults were more likely to reminisce about less intimate events, which resulted in more vivid memories.

Reminiscing and Connections

Sharing our experiences with others or social reminiscence inspires a sense of warmth and connection and can nurture relationships.

Over the years, I’ve noticed that some mothers are more inclined to share stories of their past with their children, while others, for one reason or another, don’t tend to reminisce. I was raised in a household where my mother rarely told stories about her past, and if she did, they were tiny snapshots. I came to learn that she was simply not a good historian or storyteller. That, coupled with her poor memory, resulted in my lack of knowledge about my mother.

My own children, now in their forties, ask questions about her, and sometimes I don’t have an answer. Coincidentally, I just read about a study showing that mothers who reminisced with their young children in elaborate and evaluative ways raised children who have more detailed and coherent autobiographical memories (Fivush, 2011). My husband’s family always told stories while he was growing up, and as a result, he’s a great storyteller. This is in contrast to my family, who were minimalists in terms of storytelling, which could help explain why I am not the best storyteller.

Initiating Positive Reminiscence

There are those of us who live in the past, those of us who live in the present, and those of us who live in the future. No doubt, it’s best to find a balance in all three. At the same time, nobody would object to thinking and or talking about events that made us happy. Most of us don’t make a habit of doing this, but it might be a key to our well-being. In her article, “The Power of Reminiscence,” Burke (2023) offers three tips for tapping into our past.

Nostalgia Essential Reads

Make a list of positive memories and choose one to reminisce about. Let the images and emotions come to the surface and write about them.
Consider one of your happiest moments from a time in your life extending back to childhood. Either speak with someone about the experience or write about it in your journal.
Tell a positive story of your life, what went well, and how it made you feel. Again, consider sharing the experience with someone or writing it down.

Thinking about the past tends to ground us in the present. In general, memories tend to bring us back to ourselves. Positive memories in particular tend to spread warmth and happiness, and what can be wrong with that?