This hit me square in the chest. Once you have kids, people stop asking about *you* and just want updates on your little ones’ bowel habits and Leaving Cert prep. I adore my children, but Christ, sometimes I’d rather talk about the lad in Speedos at the pool or the neighbours screaming at each other over the bins. You start to feel like you’ve disappeared behind your own kids, and that’s lonely in a way no one really admits out loud.
I usually don’t ask colleagues about their kids and quite a few mums have said to me that they appreciated having a “normal” conversation, but eventually it always ends with them saying something like ” I can’t, I have the kids…”. Different world I guess….
As an almost middle aged woman with no kids, I treat others chatting about their kids like anyone with a special interest or highly demanding job – listen for as long as is polite.
At the end of the day it seems really all consuming so somewhat natural you’ll talk about that. I also see parents have much less time for hobbies etc. or the interests they had before becoming parents.
In terms of the headline, I do agree a bit. It’s kind of funny that parents don’t realise that some of the stuff they talk about is really bizarre to people without kids. Like I had a whole conversation about how one of my friends crèche sends updates on their kid’s poos. Or the chat about how difficult things are or how tired they are or how crap their husband is or how they miss their old job. I’m a supportive friend but I will admit I’ve never come away from a conversation with a parent thinking ‘wow, that sounds great’. But I complain about my job a lot so I’m sure they walk away thinking ‘Jesus, I wouldn’t do that’
It’s all about balance. It’s up to parents like ourselves to know your audience, measure the vibe and work from there.
Setting out timed guidelines as the author has done is unnecessary. Or Setting down a marker to demand not talk about their kids, as they did too, is blunt.
But that paragraph about their kids first day at school is just….awkward.
I’ve noticed a definite trend of couples in their late 20’s/30’s having pet dogs instead of children. I have siblings in this age category and have minded some of their dogs, never again. What’s worse is they act like there’s no issue and that these dogs can be left for weeks. They’re worse than children with all their different needs and issues. I’ve already gone through all this with my own children, not doing it with dogs! Happy to help and mind children when needed. These dogs are expected to land into my bedroom to sleep for weeks also. Walking around ‘unsettled’ during the night. Advice, consider having babies instead of needy dogs.
Wish parents would realise no one other than their own family really cares about their kids.
No one wants to hear how ‘clever’ or ‘funny’ your kids are.
The issue isn’t parents talking about their kids. The issue is boring/negative people talking about boring/negative shit. I am the only male member of my team and the amount of time I’ve have to spend listening to them talk about haircuts is astounding. Listening to people talking about haircuts is the best form of putting me off getting haircuts.
It’s like talking about literally anything else. You can make it funny or entertaining if you’re not a total dry balls. Nobody wants to hear the minutiae of someone else’s work problems either but that doesn’t stop anyone.
When people have babies or toddlers they get a free pass in my opinion, because that shit is all consuming and the most emotionally intense cluster fuck imaginable.
I feel I’ve been very lucky in that despite a lot of my friends having kids our relationships are as strong as ever
Sure people have less time/ energy to go out socially but that’s happening for all of us with age anyway
Lots of my friends have kids, lots don’t. When we get together as a group the kids are usually there till the early evening and it’s never been a problem
I don’t think there’s any resentment coming from any angle, certainly not from me anyway
This thing of parents and non parents at odds with each other is something I simply haven’t experienced
Wtf is wrong with yall?
I remember once hearing my sister in law talk endlessly about her dog. I found it so boring and I realized that she probably feels the same way when I talk about my kids.
I don’t mind hearing kid stories as long as people make the effort to make them hilarious.
But I absolutely draw the line at hearing kid stories about how well Eoin did at the minors match at the weekend and how the ref was a bastard and how some other kid on the other team grabbed his jersey and how outrageous it was and then how Eoins team won anyways and how Eoin and his friends celebrated afterwards.
I DON’T CARE SANDRA IM JUST SITTING HERE TRYING TO EAT MY HANG SANGWITCH IN THE TEAROOM WOULD YOU EVER SHUT UP ABOUT YOUR KIDS MATCH DEAR GOD I’M GOING TO JUMP OUT THE WINDOW WITH THE BOREDOM OF IT.
This’s like a free lunch to the antinatalist circlejerk around here. Having kids is tough, it’s also worth it. Like many things which are hard in life, people vent about it. People with kids have higher lifetime happiness than those without, fact.
I think I am lucky that my kid isn’t always the main topic of conversation. Sometimes they are but there’s usually a reason. One of my colleagues likes to talk about their own kid a lot and I personally don’t mind but I know others do. I’ve Childfree friends who only talk about their pets and I see it as the same to be honest. Neither put me off children or pets. It’s constant negativity that bothers me.
And people wonder why the Western Demographic is collapsing
I’m probably guilty of this because as a father of three kids under 8, I don’t have time for much else in my life at the moment. If someone talks to me about what I’ve been up and what I’ve got going on in my life, it’s all about keeping these litttle shits alive.
Can’t wait until school starts back.
Ah shite and there they were with their finger on the pulse for a femto-second yesterday now the IT roams off into the weeds of irrelevancy once again.
I make polite enquiries to be nice but like people obsessed with their pets I just smile and nod
Isn’t this like any topic where one person has an intense interest in it and the other doesn’t? Of course other people’s stories about their kids aren’t going to be as meaningful to you as they are to them, it would be bizarre if they were.
Listening to people talk about their relationship problems is the best reminder why I’m single
r/SingleandHappy
I dont mind people talking about their kids per se but to be frank, their kids aren’t special. most children are the same.
21 comments
This hit me square in the chest. Once you have kids, people stop asking about *you* and just want updates on your little ones’ bowel habits and Leaving Cert prep. I adore my children, but Christ, sometimes I’d rather talk about the lad in Speedos at the pool or the neighbours screaming at each other over the bins. You start to feel like you’ve disappeared behind your own kids, and that’s lonely in a way no one really admits out loud.
I usually don’t ask colleagues about their kids and quite a few mums have said to me that they appreciated having a “normal” conversation, but eventually it always ends with them saying something like ” I can’t, I have the kids…”. Different world I guess….
As an almost middle aged woman with no kids, I treat others chatting about their kids like anyone with a special interest or highly demanding job – listen for as long as is polite.
At the end of the day it seems really all consuming so somewhat natural you’ll talk about that. I also see parents have much less time for hobbies etc. or the interests they had before becoming parents.
In terms of the headline, I do agree a bit. It’s kind of funny that parents don’t realise that some of the stuff they talk about is really bizarre to people without kids. Like I had a whole conversation about how one of my friends crèche sends updates on their kid’s poos. Or the chat about how difficult things are or how tired they are or how crap their husband is or how they miss their old job. I’m a supportive friend but I will admit I’ve never come away from a conversation with a parent thinking ‘wow, that sounds great’. But I complain about my job a lot so I’m sure they walk away thinking ‘Jesus, I wouldn’t do that’
It’s all about balance. It’s up to parents like ourselves to know your audience, measure the vibe and work from there.
Setting out timed guidelines as the author has done is unnecessary. Or Setting down a marker to demand not talk about their kids, as they did too, is blunt.
But that paragraph about their kids first day at school is just….awkward.
I’ve noticed a definite trend of couples in their late 20’s/30’s having pet dogs instead of children. I have siblings in this age category and have minded some of their dogs, never again. What’s worse is they act like there’s no issue and that these dogs can be left for weeks. They’re worse than children with all their different needs and issues. I’ve already gone through all this with my own children, not doing it with dogs! Happy to help and mind children when needed. These dogs are expected to land into my bedroom to sleep for weeks also. Walking around ‘unsettled’ during the night. Advice, consider having babies instead of needy dogs.
Wish parents would realise no one other than their own family really cares about their kids.
No one wants to hear how ‘clever’ or ‘funny’ your kids are.
The issue isn’t parents talking about their kids. The issue is boring/negative people talking about boring/negative shit. I am the only male member of my team and the amount of time I’ve have to spend listening to them talk about haircuts is astounding. Listening to people talking about haircuts is the best form of putting me off getting haircuts.
It’s like talking about literally anything else. You can make it funny or entertaining if you’re not a total dry balls. Nobody wants to hear the minutiae of someone else’s work problems either but that doesn’t stop anyone.
When people have babies or toddlers they get a free pass in my opinion, because that shit is all consuming and the most emotionally intense cluster fuck imaginable.
I feel I’ve been very lucky in that despite a lot of my friends having kids our relationships are as strong as ever
Sure people have less time/ energy to go out socially but that’s happening for all of us with age anyway
Lots of my friends have kids, lots don’t. When we get together as a group the kids are usually there till the early evening and it’s never been a problem
I don’t think there’s any resentment coming from any angle, certainly not from me anyway
This thing of parents and non parents at odds with each other is something I simply haven’t experienced
Wtf is wrong with yall?
I remember once hearing my sister in law talk endlessly about her dog. I found it so boring and I realized that she probably feels the same way when I talk about my kids.
I don’t mind hearing kid stories as long as people make the effort to make them hilarious.
But I absolutely draw the line at hearing kid stories about how well Eoin did at the minors match at the weekend and how the ref was a bastard and how some other kid on the other team grabbed his jersey and how outrageous it was and then how Eoins team won anyways and how Eoin and his friends celebrated afterwards.
I DON’T CARE SANDRA IM JUST SITTING HERE TRYING TO EAT MY HANG SANGWITCH IN THE TEAROOM WOULD YOU EVER SHUT UP ABOUT YOUR KIDS MATCH DEAR GOD I’M GOING TO JUMP OUT THE WINDOW WITH THE BOREDOM OF IT.
This’s like a free lunch to the antinatalist circlejerk around here. Having kids is tough, it’s also worth it. Like many things which are hard in life, people vent about it. People with kids have higher lifetime happiness than those without, fact.
I think I am lucky that my kid isn’t always the main topic of conversation. Sometimes they are but there’s usually a reason. One of my colleagues likes to talk about their own kid a lot and I personally don’t mind but I know others do. I’ve Childfree friends who only talk about their pets and I see it as the same to be honest. Neither put me off children or pets. It’s constant negativity that bothers me.
And people wonder why the Western Demographic is collapsing
I’m probably guilty of this because as a father of three kids under 8, I don’t have time for much else in my life at the moment. If someone talks to me about what I’ve been up and what I’ve got going on in my life, it’s all about keeping these litttle shits alive.
Can’t wait until school starts back.
Ah shite and there they were with their finger on the pulse for a femto-second yesterday now the IT roams off into the weeds of irrelevancy once again.
I make polite enquiries to be nice but like people obsessed with their pets I just smile and nod
Isn’t this like any topic where one person has an intense interest in it and the other doesn’t? Of course other people’s stories about their kids aren’t going to be as meaningful to you as they are to them, it would be bizarre if they were.
Listening to people talk about their relationship problems is the best reminder why I’m single
r/SingleandHappy
I dont mind people talking about their kids per se but to be frank, their kids aren’t special. most children are the same.
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