Hi, it’s me, Megan. I’m a senior lifestyle editor here at BuzzFeed, and welcome back to Money with Megan, where we talk through the sticky work and money situations that keep us up at night.
Megan Liscomb
I’m an elder millennial who’s been writing about work and money for about nine years, and I honestly love getting to share all the things I’ve learned in the process. In that time, I’ve totally transformed the way I handle my money, and I’ve become the one in the friend group whom people call on when they’ve got big questions about work and money.
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This week, I have a letter from someone who’s moving in with their significant other, but can’t quite figure out how to equitably split an important day-to-day cost. Here’s what they had to say:
My girlfriend and I are moving in together. She is a doctor and makes over $250k/year, and I am an engineer and make $75k/year. She first suggested that we can do what is called income percentage financing, so instead of paying 50/50 for everything, she would pay the bigger portion, where I would pay the rest (let’s say 60/40 in this case), which I think is fair and feasible in our situation. The thing that confuses me is the groceries.
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How that would work is a mystery to us so far, and we have yet to figure it out. We really would not like to pay with cash, so would one of us pay with a credit card, and the other would Venmo them back? Isn’t this more like a roommate situation? I do not feel comfortable paying cash (Venmo) since we can earn credit card points! So what would be the solution?
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First of all, congrats on moving in with your girlfriend! That’s a huge step, and I hope it’s the start of a long and loving life together. I think it’s really promising that you’ve already talked through how to split your big, consistent bills like rent in a way that feels fair to both of you. It shows that you have the communication skills and trust to tackle the money talks that will continue to pop up as your time together unfolds.
Now, onto your question. Grocery costs can be particularly tricky to split, especially since they can be so variable (and they can spike quite quickly, as we saw earlier this year when eggs suddenly became a luxury item). It’s harder to plan for costs that change depending on factors ranging from “we bought extra spices to try a new recipe” to “tariffs are making the price of coffee soar.“
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I love that you’re thinking about credit card points and rewards! If you can pay off your balance in full every month, these kinds of cards can be a great way to get more out of your spending. However, I must caution you that if you find yourself in a position where paying off your balance is no longer doable, those rewards will be eaten alive by interest payments.
Based on your combined incomes, I’m going to guess that (unless you have huge student loan payments or other debts you didn’t tell me about), you’ll be able to pay off a grocery card every month. So, the easiest solution might be to simply open a joint credit card just for groceries. Find a card you qualify for that offers great rewards on groceries specifically (this list from NerdWallet is a great jumping off point), and pay it off every month according to your established 60/40 split.
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Or, if you’re comfortable with this idea, you might decide to chill on trying to split this expense perfectly evenly and/or equitably and just go with the flow of life instead. You’re right that Venmoing back and forth gives roommate energy, and, in my opinion, it’s deeply unsexy. I know this works for some couples, and good for them, but it doesn’t sound like that’s the option you’d be happiest with.
What might relaxing around this expense look like? You might take turns paying at the grocery store. You might take responsibility for purchasing certain items you like to eat regularly that she’s not that into, and vice versa, and both of you chip in on communal items like bread and milk.
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Maybe you trade off nights cooking dinner and are each responsible for getting any items you might need to prepare your meals for the week. Or perhaps you split it up based on which stores are more convenient for each of you to visit, like she goes to the fancy store with specialty items that’s close to her office, and you shop at the regular supermarket in your neighborhood.
Ultimately, in a long relationship, there will be times when one partner needs more support, and trying to split everything “fairly” will go out the window. When I was going through treatment for a serious medical condition, my partner of 10 years stepped up to carry me, and when he was grieving the loss of a close loved one, I did the same for him. We’ve always been team go-with-the-flow for groceries, and I think that helped establish trust between us that what we each put in will even out over time.
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Finally, there’s no one right way to handle money in a relationship, just what works in your relationship. And remember that whatever you decide now doesn’t have to be the way you’ll do it forever. Keep having regular money check-ins with your girlfriend to make sure you’re still on the same page, and be prepared to adjust your plans as life happens. You’ve got this!
And that’s all the advice I have for today! If you have a sticky work or money situation that you’d like some advice on, write to me via this anonymous form.
All requests for advice sent to me are for publication on BuzzFeed only. I do not respond to individual messages or provide any advice one-on-one. Please don’t submit a question unless you want it published on BuzzFeed. We’ll always keep you anonymous. You must be 16 or older to submit.
What do you think of my advice, and what’s worked for you when it comes to splitting grocery costs with your partner? Share your best tips in the comments!