Last weekend, I was catching up with an old friend, who we’ll call Glenn, and, as usual, the topic landed on fly fishing. He was telling me how Silver Creek, a river near him in Idaho, just wasn’t producing as it had been. Glenn never felt he dialed in this rather technical stream until someone introduced him to Colin (name disguised), a young man who knew the nuances of fishing this blue-ribbon water that Hemingway himself frequented. Colin, in his early 30s, and Glenn, a talented fly fisherman himself and retiree, had hit it off and fished together a lot this past spring.

After he told me about the lack of recent success, there was a pregnant pause followed by, “There’s some sad news. Remember that guy Colin I told you about who showed me around Silver Creek?” he asked.

“He seemed like he was doing well,” said Glenn. He continued, “Like the river breathed life back into him after he lost his father. Then he was pretty excited about a girl he met and was seeing her a lot. I figured that’s why he wasn’t around as much.” Circling back to the sad news, Glenn added, “Well, I found out last week that Colin committed suicide.”

Suicidal Intentions Aren’t Always Obvious

Many people who encounter the death-by-suicide of someone they never expected it from become confused and frustrated. Like them, Glenn lamented, “What did I miss? We could’ve helped this guy.” He continued that there simply were no signs of trouble, and Colin seemed “so happy.” I consoled him, “It isn’t always obvious. Perhaps he was happy for your good company despite his ongoing struggles.”

With September being suicide prevention awareness month, the conversation with Glenn was a timely reminder that warning signs aren’t necessarily flashed in neon. Sure, everyone knows that, say, an obviously depressed and hopeless person, who talks about rather being dead, who has severe Type 1 diabetes, and begins ignoring their insulin injections is flashing a suicide warning sign. But what about those like Colin?

As a reminder, warning signs aren’t the same as risk factors. Risk factors are traits/characteristics conducive to suicidal activity, like proneness to depression, poor impulse control, history of attempts, being female (females attempt more often but males complete more often), family history of completed suicide, and substance abuse. Readers are encouraged to learn more about risk in Is Suicide Hereditary? Warning signs, on the other hand, are indicators that there is momentum toward suicidal activity, like the example in the preceding paragraph.

Returning to warning signs, after an incident like Colin’s, people naturally wonder, like Glenn, what was missed, for there was nothing obvious. As noted by Skerrett (2012):

Many people never let on what they are feeling or planning. The paradox is that the people who are most intent on committing suicide know that they have to keep their plans to themselves if they are to carry out the act…Thus, the people most in need of help may be the toughest to save.

3 Easy-to-Miss-Warning Signs

One thing I was left wondering about Colin’s situation, however, is how quickly this fellow bounced back from being down. Did people around him perceive a quick rebound as a good sign? Here’s where people may want to learn to think again, along with some other overlooked potential warning signs:

If someone is clearly depressed or has recently been struggling somehow and then almost miraculously improves, it is quite possible they have made up their mind that their suffering is about to end, giving levity to their demeanor. Consider the example of Woody Harrelson’s character of Police Chief Bill Willoughby, in Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri.

Someone being more generous than usual, especially regarding sums of money or a prized possession, may be a red flag, even if it is a seemingly isolated incident. Not unusually, in retrospect, those close to the victim realize there was a series of such “donations” leading up to the suicide.

Note: While it isn’t unusual that elderly people start giving things away, it shouldn’t be taken for granted that their giveaways are always benign, particularly if they have risk factors and/or these giveaways occur in a concentrated period of time. Elderly males are at very high risk for suicide attempts, and their “donations” should be investigated as a red flag.

If someone becomes interested in estate planning, life insurance, and pre-planning a funeral, consider if it seems oddly timed, as this may well signal they are trying to courteously “get their affairs in order” for their survivors.

Any of the above should raise suspicion about the person’s well-being, and to err on the safe side, should prompt an evaluation. A combination of them, coupled with obvious risk factors, should be a blaring siren for intervention.

Along with being familiar with risk factors, being vigilant for any changes in someone’s behavior, or warning signs, that strike you as strange on the heels of a psychosocial stressor, or in someone who has been particularly ill or in pain. These are significant risk factors that should lead to concern.

Even if it is a false alarm, no one is left wondering “What did I miss?”

Disclaimer: The material provided in this post is for informational purposes only and is not intended to diagnose, treat, or prevent any illness in readers or people they know. The information should not replace personalized care or intervention from an individual’s provider or formal supervision if you’re a practitioner or student.

If you or someone you love is contemplating suicide, seek help immediately. For help 24/7, dial 988 for the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, or reach out to the Crisis Text Line by texting TALK to 741741. To find a therapist near you, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.