Studies Show Most Estrangements are Not Permanent

As there are currently chances of this high profile family reconnecting (or not, time will tell), here is an interesting article on estrangements.

The vast, vast majority of estranged people “cycle in and out” of their families, rather than a hard cutoff. Strict cut off is ultra-rare. “As research suggests, very few estrangements are permanent, with several studies showing that many people will report periods of estrangement that are often followed by a period of reconciliation. ‘It’s often not a permanent state, but something people move in and out of.’”

“Of the adult children with a history of estrangement, 81% reported reconciling with their mother, while 69% reported reconciling with their father.”

Some interesting excerpts from the article, with points from both sides:

• As Scharp’s research has shown, during estrangement, many report a “final straw” moment, preceded by a long and difficult relationship. Other times, estrangement can be the result of a relationship that slowly erodes over time, with no one moment that marks its final dissolution, called “fading away”. “It’s important to recognize that while family estrangements often have a discrete triggering event, they are rarely a short-term, overnight phenomenon, its usually something that’s been brewing for a long time,” said Dan Neuharth, PsyD.

• “Some people feel they don’t need to enact [their] roles anymore, and some people aren’t enacting those roles, which is part of the problem.”

• “Tension can arise in a parent-child relationship when an adult child feels their parents did not care for them in the way they should have or when an aging parent feels uncomfortable with boundary violations by their adult child.”

https://www.apa.org/monitor/2024/04/healing-pain-estrangement
American Psychological Association