Yes, I know it’s technically a swede.

by Lancashire-Lass-404

49 comments
  1. People putting up Halloween decorations nearly a month too early are risking life and limb come the revolution.

    WTF is wrong with people?

    Halloween decs always went up on the morning of the 31st and came down on the morning of the 1st.

    Here’s the root of my big gripe: the theft of time.

    There’s no time to exist in between the “things”. Just as soon as the back to school stuff has been cleared off the shelves in Tesco (where it appeared before the schools even broke up) the Halloween stuff is moved from where it’s been since fucking August and put in prime position and the Christmas stuff is brought out to replace the gap the Halloween stuff left and then on the 1st November that’ll all be moved and we’ll bring out the Easter eggs and then, and then, and then.

    The corporate theft of time is relentless.

  2. Baldrick: In that case, I shall prepare my Turnip Surprise.
    Edmund: and the surprise is…?
    Baldrick: …there’s nothing else in it except the turnip.
    Edmund: So, in other words, the Turnip Surprise would be…a turnip.

  3. Unless you’re going for ‘decaying corpse’ as your theme, this needs to go into the freezer until the 31st.

  4. What’s always good about carving your own is that the blood stains really add a particular authenticity

  5. We always did turnips as a kid. You could eat a bit of the insides while you do it. I’m disappointed by pumpkins

  6. Theres no way you still have all your fingers.

  7. Ahh I love the tale of Stingy Jack! Love swing carved turnips

  8. Supposedly they used to call these deaths heads and travelers would carry one on a stick at night to scare off thieves. They are pretty scary in the dark compared to the pumpkin ones, I would definitely shit myself if I saw one coming towards me across a dark field.

  9. I want carved a pineapple for Halloween. It looked evil.

  10. A proper neep is lovely and soft and can easily be done with a spoon. Try a butcher or farmers market.

  11. I remember carving one of these with my dad once. He got fed up hacking away with a knife so went out to the garage and came back with a power drill and spade bit for drilling wood. He went at the turnip with the drill and sprayed turnip peelings all over the kitchen, up the walls, cupboards, bits stuck to the ceiling. Everywhere. 8 year old me thought it was hilarious until mum came in wondering what the noise was. 

  12. Any suggestions on how to carve out the middle bit? Last time I tried I ended up using a Dremel but their must be an easier way! 

  13. In my area it’s traditional to carve a mangelwurzel.

  14. Oh god, yes. It’s expected in my family. Pro-tip for carving though? Use an electric drill. And for atmosphere use a coloured battery-powered tea light (you can get ’em in red or green on Amazon) or if you’re feeling artsy-fartsy, pin a bit of coloured cellophane to the inside of the lantern and pop in a battery-powered tea light.

  15. wait are turnips and swedes the same?! I would call that a swede.

  16. In Somerset the greengrocer’s always sold mangles (fodder beet) for carving punkies. They were like wood. I bought one one year and it turned out to be a sugar beet, I got covered in sticky black goo carving it. I’d call the OP one a swede, turnips are small and white.

  17. When pumpkins and gourds were bought back to the British Isles for the first time, I bet our ancestors were well chuffed they didn’t have to carve Jack o Lanterns out of turnips anymore 🤣

  18. It used to take hours but the smell once you had a candle lit inside of it (usually a stick candle or b’day candle) was infinitely better than pumpkins.

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