I’m frustrated as hell today. Grumpy and snarky. I didn’t have to fight the cat to get to the coffee machine, but I couldn’t find a pair of pants quick enough, and when I organized the coffee station yesterday I forgot where the filters were. By the time I sat down with my coffee I was already grumpy. The other day my ex-husband/current roommate stood at the coffee station (that cost $400 and I’m making monthly payments on) as if he owned it (because he’s a bully who is three times bigger than me and he knows niether of us want to go to jail) and forced me to ask him if I could get myself a cup of coffee (because he was in my f’n way) so I did while I shot him daggers from my eyes and poured the hot coffee into my cup when I really wanted to smash the glass pot against his skull. Whoever said I’m not a good actress, lied. He gets his jollies off by demeaning me with that passive-aggressive behavior. Does it in regards to the toilet also which is why I sometimes have to leak or poo in my own personal bucket toilet.

Getting back to the focus of this article, I use an online website called Kikoff to track my credit score. Years ago I was using CreditKarma, but my old phone number ending in 4009 was connected to a phone that got smashed and replaced, yet CreditKarma refused to update my new phone number therefore I could not log into my account. That was very very upsetting. So Kikoff came to my rescue and at this time my credit score is at about 500 which is considered “Poor” – uh, duh, no duh. I know I’m “poor” which is why I’m watching my credit score like a hawk and doing everything possible to try to increase it.

Why should I care about some stupid credit score number designed by economists to label and control people? It’s impossible to increase the number anyway, right? I mean, I’ve tried most of my life and it never gets better. I can’t claim bankcruptcy, not that doing so would help the score, at least not for 7 years. I’m waiting on the student loan forgiveness thing so that should help if Mohela ever does the right thing — I mean c’mon I’ve only been disabled and on social security since 2008. Hmmmm…. you think I’m a grumpy old lady just because no one pours me a cup of coffee in the morning?

There’s more to my grumpiness than that. I have to make about $1000 last all month. Well, so what, there’s people with less. Yeah, that’s true. I have some good things going for me. I can’t afford my own car even though I spent over $10000 the past three years on trying. None of my car insurance payments or license and registration fees were reported to my credit score. Why should that surprise or bother me? Oh, no big deal, it’s just that since no one seems to care about the vandalizers, theives, or hurricanes that messed up my cars, I thought at least I could get some brownie points with Equifax or Transunion. I mean it’s not like I got a higher credit score for surviving the Trazedone incident. Or being the one with the insurance card at the “Suicidals Are Us” mental hospital.

But hey, it’s okay. I’m old, I’m on my way out. Why should I deserve any fair or decent or humane or kind or generous or respectful or honest treatment? Why would anyone deserve any of that? Especially not some old lady who works hard every day scrubbing the toilet, mopping the floors, killing roaches, ignoring mosquitos as she cuts the grass and nurtures the garden, builds a firepit breaking her back, fed the cat for 4 years, and contributes honestly online with legitimate money and intellectual honesty. No, not her. She’s old, she ugly, she’s self-righteous, and we hate her. We were really hoping she’d be dead by now so that we wouldn’t have to hear anymore of her griping about how horrible we’ve treated her. We can’t live in those horrible conditions she lives in. We wouldn’t want to. Why is she still alive? Why couldn’t she just have died when she tried to commit suicide or when we tried to kill her with the Trazedone overdose? She’s so annoying.

Yes, the grumpy old lady is annoying. I will continue to remind you how awful our current economy is. I will continue to remind you that my 500 Poor Credit Score is not a reflection of my accounting skills or my ethics in business. I will continue to remind you that while I just paid $150 to my (ex-husband) roommate for the electric bill, that wasn’t reflected on my credit score. I will continue to remind you that after I get paid at the beginning of the month from Social Security, three days later (after paying rent, phone, electric, and credit cards) I have about $400 left for the whole month.

And all the so-called authorities and helpful people can say is “Go donate Plasma” or take another job that pays well so you can end up insane and suicidal again.

Is this a better explanation about why the economic system is failing? Or do you want me to bring an old lady from Detroit so she can show you pictures of all the beautiful houses that decayed from foreclosures?

Don’t worry I won’t bring up all the factoids that are more depressing than my credit score. Let me end this grumpy old lady rant session with this little morning conversation.

Roommate: Well I just wanted you to know that I have a new girlfriend.

Me: Yeah. Congratulations. And you’re telling me this because….?

Roommate: To be respectful.

Me: Uhuh, yeah. Ok.

Roommate: Do you have the money for the electric bill?

Me: Yeah, but I want that to reflect on my credit score.

Roommate: The bill will have to be in your name.

Me: Uhuh, yeah. Ok. Have a nice day. I hope your new girlfriend serves you something better to eat than Ramen Noodles.