Earlier this year opposition activist Antanina Kanavalava was scrambling across a frozen river on the Belarusian border, determined to escape and see her children again after more than four years behind bars.

Eight months later, holding hands with her 11-year-old son and nine-year-old daughter, walking with them for their first day back in school in Warsaw, she is living the life Belarus did not want her to have — a small act of defiance against her “tormentors”, she said.

She is one of thousands of Belarusians detained and jailed since 2020, when President Alexander Lukashenko launched a major crackdown against dissent following his re-election.

Like Antanina, many are now embarking on the long and difficult process of rebuilding their lives outside Belarus — a journey that is fraught with highs and lows.

“The feeling is tremendous,” the 37-year-old told AFP, smiling.

“My children can now say that they have a mother, and that their mother picks them up from school,” she said.

Antanina, a member of Belarusian opposition leader Svetlana Tikhanovskaya’s campaign team, was arrested in September 2020 and later sentenced to five-and-a-half years in prison on charges of organising protests against Lukashenko.

She was pardoned in December 2024 — part of a wave of releases ordered by Lukashenko over the past year — but not allowed to leave Belarus.

Determined to be reunited with her children in Poland, she opted for a daring escape across the border into Lithuania.

Three teams of Belarusian soldiers were on her tail when she crossed a frozen river on the border in February, she said, citing Lithuania’s border service.

“I was soaked. I kept falling in the snow,” she told AFP.

– ‘Live with this guilt’ –

The father of Antanina’s children — Siarhei Yarashevich — remains in jail, one of around 1,200 political prisoners still in Belarus, according to Belarusian rights group Viasna.

Activists say political prisoners in Belarus suffer physical and psychological torture and are deprived of regular contact with their friends and relatives.

Antanina developed serious problems with her vision while jailed in Gomel, in southeastern Belarus.

She was only allowed a five-minute call with her children — Ivan, 11, and Anastasia, 9 — once a month.

Their grandmother, Hanna Kanavalava, had fled with them to Poland after Antanina was arrested.

Behind bars she was forced to sign a confession — even though in court she pleaded not guilty — and become a snitch, with prison authorities threatening to arrest her father if she refused.

Antanina said she did not provide information that harmed anyone but still felt guilty.

“It’s the only guilt I have. I tell everyone that I’ll have to live with this my whole life,” she told AFP.

– ‘I want to destroy them’ –

While Antanina was in jail, her mother took more children under her wing — two boys whose mother, a Belarusian activist, died of an overdose in Poland.

Then, after she was freed, Antanina herself took over care of two Belarusian teenagers, whose alcoholic mother lost custody.

She now has six children to support.

“They don’t let you get discouraged or relax. You’re constantly on your toes,” she said.

Hanna worries about her daughter’s mental health.

Antanina said she had to put on a brave face in front of the children, but sometimes needed time alone to cry.

Joyful chaos reigned when AFP met them in their small apartment at the end of September.

Anastasiya and Ivan said they were teaching their mother Polish.

“I tell her when I’m sad. She gives me advice,” said Anastasiya.

She and her brother have not seen their father for over five years.

Antanina is worried how he will look, if and when he emerges from prison.

Other prisoners have appeared gaunt and almost unrecognisable.

Hanna said she would warn her grandchildren that their father may look different on the outside, “but the same on the inside.”

The family, who are very active in the opposition, regularly take part in demonstrations in Poland calling for the release of more prisoners.

The struggle is a driving force for Antanina.

“It’s not time to fade away yet,” she said.

“And for what they did to me, I want to destroy them.”

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