Epstein-Trump Saga Gets 20K Pages Longer & Megyn Kelly Splits Hairs on Pedophilia | The Daily Show

Epstein-Trump Saga Gets 20K Pages Longer & Megyn Kelly Splits Hairs on Pedophilia | The Daily Show

Yesterday, the Epstein
story exploded back into the national conversation
when House Democrats released three emails that
Jeffrey Epstein wrote about his BFF, Donald Trump. But Donald Trump has the
entirety of the GOP behind him. And you know these
world-class strategists have a plan for getting this
story off the front page. REPORTER: As part
of the Republican response to the selective and limited
release of emails by the Democrats,
Republicans stepped up and put out 20,000
pages of Jeffrey Epstein related documents. Oh, no. [LAUGHTER] This– this is
the downside of your people really having your back. Because– because they
were basically like, he got nothing to hide. Here’s 20,000 more emails. [LAUGHTER] Don’t you people know
anything about a cover-up? This is like trying
to hide pissing yourself by shitting yourself. [LAUGHTER] Oh. [CHEERING] Trump’s people
spent a year saying there are no Epstein files. Now there’s 20,000 pages, and
those still aren’t the files. [LAUGHTER] What happened? There’s now more pages
of Trump Epstein law than Batman
and Superman crossover. [LAUGHTER] And look, these 20,000 pages
weren’t all about crimes. A lot of it was just
weird bro shit about women that they dated. Epstein says
in these emails that he could produce photos
of Donald and girls in bikinis in my kitchen. Epstein claims that he and
Trump had dated the same woman back in the 1990s,
saying, “my 20-year-old girlfriend in 1993 that, after
two years, I gave to Donald.” [AUDIENCE GROANS] Man, I’m glad Hillary
killed that guy. [LAUGHTER] [CHEERS, APPLAUSE] Because I can’t
imagine a worse way to break up with
someone than setting them up with Donald Trump. [LAUGHTER] If someone broke up with
me and they were like, I don’t deserve you,
but you know who does? And then Donald Trump
walked in, I’d be like, damn, I didn’t
know you hated me. [LAUGHTER] And by the way,
just as a side note, the woman people
say Epstein might be referring to is
a Norwegian cosmetics heiress whose name– and I
am not making this up– is Celina Midelfart. [LAUGHTER] And if you’re
watching this from Norway and you’re like,
(IN NORWEGIAN ACCENT) it’s Midelfart– [LAUGHTER] (IN REGULAR ACCENT) –that is
basically what I just said. Now, she has denied
that she ever dated either of them, which I get. But more importantly, how is
Celina Midelfart a real name? [LAUGHTER] It sounds like a bad spy name. Like, if you broke– if you were a spy and you broke
into a super secret security office. And right after you grab
the disk or whatever, you turn the corner. And then there’s
someone looking at you. And they say, who are you? And you haven’t
thought that far. And you– you almost
say Selena Gomez. But you know that’s
not going to work. So you’re like Selena, Selena. And you get nervous when you’re
trying to come up with a name. And it makes you fart
in the middle of your sentence. So you’re like,
Celina Midelfart. [LAUGHTER] And then that guy is
just like, oh, OK. Do you know where
the bathroom is? But these emails don’t
just show their friendship. They show their frenemy-ship. And after their bromance
ended, Epstein really showed that hell hath no
fury like a pedophile scorned. He says Trump is
borderline insane. He says Donald Trump
is effing crazy. Maybe Donald Trump
has early dementia. Ruemmler says,
“Trump is so gross.” And Epstein responds, “worse
in real life and up close.” [AUDIENCE GROANS] Damn. A pedophile called
you all that? [LAUGHTER] That’s wild. It would be like if the devil
came out and said, y’all, Diddy gross. OK? [LAUGHTER] We were alone for five minutes. You know he tried to kiss me? And when I pushed him away,
he hit me with a water balloon full of baby oil. I don’t even know
what that’s for. This is one of the many reasons
being friends with a pedophile is a lose-lose situation. Because as a character
witness, if they’re like, this guy’s disgusting and I’m
a pedophile, that’s bad. But on the flip side, if
they’re like, yeah, I know him, he’s a pretty good hang. That’s also horrible. [LAUGHTER] It’s why you should choose
your friends wisely. Because remember, if you do
something embarrassing in front of a friend, that’s a memory. But if they turn
on you, it becomes ammo. REPORTER: Epstein
suggesting reporters, “Ask my houseman about
Donald almost walking through the door, leaving his
nose print on the glass, as young women were swimming in
the pool and he was so focused, he walked straight
into the door.” [LAUGHTER] There is no way this dude
is Looney Tunes level horny. Like, you know, there’s
normal level perv. And then there’s
Kool-Aid Man level perv. Hey, Donald, you want
to see some girls in the pool? (IMITATING
KOOL-AID MAN) Oh, yeah! [LAUGHTER] [CHEERS, APPLAUSE] (IN REGULAR VOICE)
And look, also, I’m not saying Trump has a micropenis. But it’s weird he
got all horned up, and his nose hit
the glass first. [LAUGHTER] [CHEERS, APPLAUSE] So the GOP didn’t
do Trump any favors by releasing these emails. They basically saw
his grease fire and said, let us
add some water. And his supporters on TV
aren’t doing that much better. This is obviously an attempt
to smear the president by cherry picking. This is just all for show. A distraction. Just ridiculous. The carnival show– It’s journalistically
malpractice. Why weren’t as concerned
about Bill Clinton? They love to create drama. This whole Epstein thing,
it’s a little bit played out. [LAUGHTER] Played out? You know shit’s bad when
the sensationalist media is like, you guys
don’t want to hear about the international
island sex scandal. Let’s talk about
budgetary cuts. Let’s get nasty. [LAUGHTER] Come on, guys, that’s
not going to work. If you want
to downplay this story, you need a master, all right? Megyn Kelly, you’re
a master of spin. Show us what you got. As for Epstein, he wasn’t
into, like, eight-year-olds. But he liked the very
young teen types. There’s a difference
between a 15-year-old and a five-year-old, you know? It’s just whatever. It’s sick. [AUDIENCE BOOING] How the hell was Megyn
Kelly ever an attorney? [LAUGHTER] Your Honor, my client only
engaged in diet pedophilia. [LAUGHTER] Ma’am, everyone
knows there is a big difference between
a 15-year-old and a five-year-old. But everyone also knows there
is never a good reason to be talking about that difference. [LAUGHTER] [CHEERS, APPLAUSE] For more on the new
batch of Epstein emails, we go live outside
the Capitol to Troy Iwata. [CHEERS, APPLAUSE] Troy, you’ve been going
through all the emails. What have you learned? I’ll tell you what
I’ve learned, Josh. I’ve learned Jeffrey
Epstein is a sick, sick man. And he has some
of the most disturbing grammar I’ve ever seen. [LAUGHTER] Grammar? I thought you’d be more
upset about the sex crimes. Yeah, uh,
of course, of course. We’re all– we’re all
upset about the sex crimes. But the grammar, Josh,
and the punctuation. Look at this email this
adult man sent, OK? “Recall I’ve told you”– then what looks like
quotation marks that are somehow at the bottom? [LAUGHTER] And then hyphen,
hyphen “I have met some very bad people”
and then the bottom quotation marks again. Like, where is he getting
this punctuation from? Do pedophiles have
a special keyboard? Or, like, is he putting
his keyboard in a bag and just shaking it around? I don’t– I agree that’s weird,
but I don’t think that’s the takeaway here. Yeah, of course not.
Of course not. No, sex crimes are bad. Everyone knows that. But like, they’re not the only
crimes being committed here. [LAUGHTER] Like, listen to this. Listen to this. This is him complaining
about a BuzzFeed article, OK? “Read the uzz feed re
my airplane logs and hawain tropic contest,” period slash. He doesn’t know how
to spell “Hawaii”? Like, just, Jeffrey,
kill yourself. [LAUGHTER] [APPLAUSE] He already did. Oh. Good. [LAUGHTER] Good. Troy, so yes,
the period slash is weird. But the punctuation is not
as important as Jeffrey Epstein trafficking people. OK. Well, clearly, he never
trafficked Strunk and White, if you know what I mean. [LAUGHTER] No, I don’t know
what that means. You don’t– you don’t know
Elements of Style by William Strunk Jr. and EB White? All right, tell me you’re
a pedophile without telling me you’re a pedophile. – Dude.
– Sorry. I’m sorry.
Sorry. I’m just– it’s
just upsetting, OK? I mean, look at this invitation
to the Epstein island he sent– “Dec, space, space,
visit me Caribbean.” [LAUGHTER] Like, what happened
to the language of hospitality? Like, why isn’t
it, would you care to meet me in the Caribbean
for sex crimes this December, good sir? You know? Not (IN GRUFF VOICE)
Visit me Caribbean. (IN REGULAR VOICE) Like, who
wrote this, Cookie Monster? [LAUGHTER] Fine, you’re right. It’s a problem. It is. And it’s part of a much
bigger problem. Illiteracy is at an all-time
high in America. And this is about more than
just spelling or sex crimes. This is only
about sex crimes. No. It’s about paying our teachers
what they are worth. [CHEERING] It is about fostering a love
of learning in our children so that when these children
grow up and commit crimes, whatever crimes they
choose to commit, they will at least be
able to [BLEEP] spell. [INSPIRATIONAL MUSIC] Wow. That’s so inspiring. You’re right, Troy. We need to focus
our time and resources on those who matter most. On those whom matter, Josh. That’s definitely incorrect. Troy Iwata, everyone. [CHEERS, APPLAUSE]

In the wake of new Jeffrey Epstein emails implicating Trump, the GOP unhelpfully backed up the president by releasing 20,000 new Epstein files of their own, and Josh Johnson unpacks new revelations, including the two men’s frenemy relationship and apparent connection to cosmetics heiress Celina Midelfart, as well as conservative pundits like Megyn Kelly’s attempts to downplay the bombshell. Plus, Troy Iwata offers a scathing critique of Epstein’s email grammar. #DailyShow #JoshJohnson #JeffreyEpstein #Trump

0:00 – Republicans Release 20,000 New Epstein Emails
1:29 – Emails Reveal Dating History of Epstein and Trump
3:36 – Epstein Slams Trump in Emails
6:09 – GOP Media Downplays Trump-Epstein Relationship
7:35 – Troy Iwata Weighs in on New Batch of Epstein Emails

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