Trump Falls Deeper Into the Epstein Scandal & Not Even MAGA Can Save Him | The Daily Show

Trump Falls Deeper Into the Epstein Scandal & Not Even MAGA Can Save Him | The Daily Show

[Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] You may remember back in July, the Wall Street Journal released a bombshell report that Trump had given Jeffrey Epstein a creepy birthday card that suggested the two of them had a dark sexual secret. Although obviously any sexual secret is a dark sexual secret. No one’s ever been like, “Don’t tell anyone, but I like missionary.” [Applause] Now, of course, Trump completely denied this card even existed. And just to be sure, they even asked the woman who compiled all of Jeffrey Epstein’s birthday cards. And luckily, she had 20 years of free time. The messages compiled by Epstein’s accomplice, Gileain Maxwell, currently serving a 20-year federal prison sentence for sex trafficking. In a recent interview, she told Deputy Attorney General Todd Blanch, the president’s former lawyer, that she could not remember if Trump contributed a message to the book. Well, that sure is lucky for Trump. You know, he sent his deputy attorney general to privately talk with Gileain Maxwell while she’s in a federal prison system he controls, and she doesn’t remember anything incriminating about him. Surprising. What a nice thing for her to say about the president without receiving anything in return. Right. Right. Right. Maxwell recently receiving a highly unusual transfer to a minimum security prison just days after her interview with the DOJ. Come on, guys. Come on. Did you have to do the quidd proquo that fast? You could have at least waited a week before you sent her to the prison with the fence you can just slide under. [Applause] Look at this sign. What the kind of prison has a sign like that? Is this prison run by Texas Roadhouse? This looks like the sign for a church where the pastor plays an electric guitar. Also, Camp Brian. I think my parents took me there for vacation once when I was eight. That’s the prison with the big water slide, right? I’m joking. It looks nice. But that that place is brutal. Room service stops at 10 p.m. So So there you have it. The media says there’s a letter. Trump’s people say there’s not. So I guess we’ll never know who’s telling the truth. Breaking news. For the first time, we are seeing an image of a letter signed by Donald Trump for Jeffrey Epstein’s 50th birthday. Okay, so we know who’s telling the truth. [Applause] But this is huge. Epstein’s estate finally released the actual birthday card, and it’s as creepy as you’d expect. The drawing shows the outline of a woman’s torso, breasts, and hips with a message that reads in part, “We have certain things in common, Jeffrey.” And later, “Enigmas never age.” before the closing words, “Happy birthday, and may every day be another wonderful secret.” The future president’s signature is a squiggly Donald below her waist mimicking pubic hair. Okay. Okay. I know what we’re all thinking. That’s an excellent drawing. And I think Donald Trump might have a wonderful future as an artist. Look. Now, obviously that’s a crappy drawing, but as a student of history, one thing I’ve learned is when a certain type of person dreams of being a great artist, we should encourage that instead. Now, even without the drawing, that is a strangely cryptic birthday card. Now, enigmas never age. There’s a wonderful secret. Although to be fair, it could be totally innocent. We have certain things in common. Could mean anything. What are the things that we know about Epstein? He was a human trafficker. He was a pedophile. It could be any of those things. And I see why Trump’s people denied that this card even existed. But now that we’ve all seen it, there’s nothing left for them to do except continue to deny it. The White House this morning flatly denying the president drew or signed the message. The president did not write this letter. He did not sign this letter. From what I see, it’s not his signature. I’ve seen Donald Trump sign a million things. This does not look like his signature to you. Nope. I can tell you my father does not sketch out cartoon drawings. Okay. Okay. Hey, I’ll give Eric Trump a pass. He has no way of knowing what a birthday card from his father would look like. [Music] But they’re saying it’s not Trump’s signature. If only we had one to, I don’t know, 1 million examples of his signature that we could compare it to. The far left is the birthday book signature. The one in the middle is a Trump signature from a 1999 letter to Larry King. And on the right is from a signed letter to Rudy Giuliani in 2001. wore these from 1984 in a letter to the New York Times, 1995 to a Palm Beach official, 2014 in a note to Keith Oberman. There’s even an inscription in a Trump book that Epstein owned from 1997. You will see all the basic shapes are exactly the same. Yes. Yes, I see. So, if you look at the angle of the downward arc on the capital D, you can see that you don’t have to do any of this It’s his signature. Why? It’s his signature. It’s It is funny how they’re factchecking one piece of evidence with another pieces of evidence. Like these guys are like, “If you look closely, Trump’s signature on a birthday card to his pedophile best friend matches his signature on a note he wrote to his pedophile best friend.” So, we have his signature on this letter. It matches the signature on all of these other letters. Can you please just admit he signed the letter? Please just admit it. Do what’s right. I’m begging you about the Epstein case. Would the White House support a professional handwriting expert review of the document released yesterday to prove that it’s not the president’s signature? Uh, sure, we would support that. And in fact, I have already seen many forensic uh analysts of signatures coming out. I believe it was the Daily Signal that published a piece with three separate uh signature analysts who said that this absolutely was not the president’s authentic signature. Uh yes. No. Yes. I think we have a photo of the signature analyst who said this wasn’t Donald Trump’s. It’s a credible source. It’s a credible source. This is actually embarrassing for you guys. Just denying it at this point is not enough. Does anyone in the GOP want to help Trump out here? Congressman Burchett. I mean, anybody can do a signature. We’ve seen the autopin’s been used quite a bit um with the Biden administration. Yeah, that’s what I’m talking about. That’s what I’m talking about. Go from the signature to the autopen to Joe Biden. But I bet you can get there quicker, though. Sure, these girls were underage, but you know who was overage? Joe Biden. Boom. Did it. Okay, so they so they can’t come up with a credible excuse. But the truth is Trump can probably still wiggle out of this thing as long as new information stops coming out. A second entry in the Epstein birthday book released yesterday appears to mention Donald Trump as well. The page was reportedly compiled by a member at Mara Lago who included a photo of Epste and others holding up a giant fake check puredly from Trump to Epstein for $22,500. The attached letter jokes that the check was payment for a deal in which Epstein sold Trump a quote fully depreciated woman in 2003. Wow. I am shocked and frankly disgusted that Joe Biden’s autopen did this also. That is But this is why this is why Trump was such a notorious creep that other people were mentioning it in their birthday cards. I’ve never gotten a birthday card that was like, “Happy birthday, Michael. Remember our high school gym coach who always let the girls have lunch in his office? That was crazy. Anyways, here’s to another 40 more years, pal. Look, I’m not going to pretend that I completely understand whatever this gross inside joke is supposed to mean. All I all I know is it’s very disrespectful to refer to someone as a fully depreciated woman. The correct term is a refurbished woman promax 13. [Applause] But this this whole Epstein birthday book has made me realize two things. One, this convicted sex predator got way nicer birthday cards than I’ve ever received in my entire life. I’m not a fan of the content, but you can’t deny his friends put some real effort into it. On the way to my birthday dinner, my wife makes me stop at Walgreens so she can buy me a card. Sometimes it’s not even a birthday card. Oh, thank you. I I will have a great first communion. President Trump still can’t shake the Jeffrey Epstein scandal. So this week, Congress heard testimony from Cash Patel, FBI director and man who looks like he just walked in on his parents having sex with a And if I know anything about Cash Patel, I know he can smooth everything over. Organization of intelligence by the likes of Europe. And we have Why don’t you just release the entire file as you promised to do? We are releasing as much as legally allowed. That’s why we went back. How is that How is that not legally allowed, sir? Do you know how court orders work? Do you know how protective orders work? Actually, Mr. Patel, I was a prosecutor, a real prosecutor for 10 years. I know exactly. So, I was a recognize gentleman for his powerful men. Why are you protecting pedophiles? That is maybe the most offensive thing you could say to me. That’s maybe the most offensive thing you could say to me. Patel’s like, “Listen, there’s a lot you could say about me, like I’m the only person who looks dumber wearing glasses or how I only got this job because Trump thought I was Desh D Suza.” But I almost felt bad for Patel. He had to convincingly pretend that his boss had nothing to do with Jeffrey Epstein and he was not up for the task. How many times did President Trump’s name appear in the Epstein files? Was it more than a hundred? More than a thousand? It sounds like if you don’t know the number, it could at least be a thousand times. It’s not. Is it at least 500 times? No. Is it at least 100 times? No. Then what’s the number? I don’t know the number, but it’s not that. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. It’s not that. Everyone just needs to calm down. Okay. The president’s name appears in the pedophile sex crime report a normal number of times. Okay. Somewhere between one and Hey, look over there. Listen, it does not look like Cash Patel can do this on his own. Mr. President, get down to Capitol Hill and show Patel you got his back. The president left the White House today heading to London for a state visit. Wow. Cash did not see that coming somehow. Donald Trump’s been having a pretty good time. The shutdown ended. He didn’t have to concede anything. And he didn’t even have to give poor people healthcare. his favorite kind of deal. Everything’s coming up Trump. Nothing can stop the Trump train now. Breaking news. Convicted sex offender Jeffrey Epstein mentioned Donald Trump by name several times in private emails. [Applause] Uh ladies and gentlemen, the Trump train is experiencing a slight delay there. There is an Epstein file on the tracks. We should be moving as soon as we get that cleared. But fine, Epstein mentioned Trump in an email. That doesn’t mean he did anything wrong. Maybe the email was about how Trump never comes to his sex parties. Rude. I say this because I’m an American living in America. And no matter what party you’re in or who you voted for, it would be better for all of us as a general matter if we do not have a sexual predator as president because it would it would make our country look so bad. You know, how embarrassing would that be if we America went from being the shining city on a hill to not being allowed within a thousand feet of the hill. So, let’s just stay calm and see what the email said before we jump to conclusions. These are emails from Jeffrey Epste to Galain Maxwell. This is one from April 2nd, 2011. And in this email, Jeffrey Epstein writes to Galain Maxwell and says, quote, “I want you to realize that the dog that hasn’t barked is Trump.” Okay. Uh, that doesn’t sound good at all, but you know, that dog hasn’t barked could mean a lot of things. Maybe Trump’s feet hurt. All right, so that’s all the news in terms of bombshell emails. It’s not a lot. It’s not like there’s an email with a journalist where he’s strategizing how to blackmail Trump. Michael Wolf says, quote, I hear that CNN is planning to ask Trump tonight about his relationship with you. If he says he hasn’t been on the plane or to the house, then that gives you a valuable PR and political currency. You can hang him in a way that potentially generates a positive benefit for you. Or if it really looks like he could win, you could save him, generating a debt. I like that Epstein was like, “Yeah, that seems like a lot of work. I’m probably just going to kill myself. And did he really have leverage anyway? All I’ve seen so far is Epstein and Maxwell saying Trump is a dog that hasn’t barked. We don’t know what he didn’t bark about. Maybe the rest of that email clears him. I want you to realize that that dog that hasn’t barked is Trump. Unnamed victims spent hours at my house with him. He has never once been mentioned. According to the released emails, Maxwell responds, “I have been thinking about that.” Oh I I think the Trump train crashed because this isn’t just not a good look. It’s one of the worst looks I’ve ever seen. Like, I’m talking Adrien Brody in a rosta wig bad. Also, why was Jeffrey Epste writing about his crimes in emails? That’s so dumb. He’s he’s firing off his Blackberry to Galain like, “Hey girl, following up about the sex crimes. Uh, hope Trump doesn’t snitch about the sex crimes. Hit me up if you want sex crimes this weekend.” Say what you want about Donald Trump, but he knows better than to put incriminating in emails. He does it in person or on the phone or reportedly inside a sketch of a naked lady, but never email. Dela Maxwell got moved into a country club prison after she gave an interview saying this. I never witnessed the president in any inappropriate setting in any way. In the times that I was with him, he was a gentleman in all respects. Well, no. No, that’s something. And she said it British, so you got to believe her. [Applause] I don’t know what she’s got on him, but it must be bad because she didn’t even exonerate him. She didn’t say Trump is innocent. All she said was, “I didn’t see him do anything. I also didn’t see him do anything. What do I get?” That’s all she said. And now she’s being treated like royalty. A whistleblower alleges that Gileain Maxwell is getting special treatment in prison. Maxwell’s meals have been customized. They are delivered directly to her cell. She is personally escorted to the exercise area after hours and gets to enjoy recreation time in staff only areas. When she wants private meetings, the warden personally arranges them, providing an assortment of snacks and refreshments for her guests. I mean, she gets to hang out in the staff areas. Can you imagine being a prison guard who can’t watch TV in the breakroom because Galain taking a nap on the couch? But this is truly insane. There is not another convicted child sex trafficker in the world who would get this kind of treatment in prison. There’s actually no way within the confines of prison that her life could get any better. Add to that one more perk for the convicted sex offender. Puppy time. According to the whistleblower, an inmate who trains puppies to become service dogs was instructed to provide one to Maxwell for a time so she could play with the puppy. Do not give that dog to Galain. That’s not what they meant when they said take the dog to the groomer. So, look, I don’t know what Gain knows about whatever Donald Trump did. All I know is that every detail that comes out makes him look more and more suspicious. And if you thought this couldn’t look any worse, wait till you see the birthday card that Trump sent that dog. [Applause] Yesterday, the Epstein story exploded back into the national conversation when House Democrats released three emails that Jeffrey Epstein wrote about his BFF, Donald Trump. But Donald Trump has the entirety of the GOP behind him. And you know, these worldclass strategists have a plan for getting this story off the front page. As part of the Republican response to the selective and limited release of emails by the Democrats, Republicans stepped up and put out 20,000 pages of Jeffrey Epstein related documents. Oh no. Th this is the downside of your people really having your back because because they were basically like he got nothing to hide. Here’s 20,000 more emails. Don’t you people know anything about a cover up? This is like trying to hide pissing yourself by yourself. [Applause] Oh, Trump’s people spent a year saying there are no Epstein files. Now there’s 20,000 pages and those still aren’t the files. What happened? There’s now more pages of Trump Epstein lore than Batman and Superman crossover. And look, these 20,000 pages weren’t all about crimes. A lot of it was just weird bro about women that they dated. Epstein says uh in these emails that he could produce photos of Donald and girls in bikinis in my kitchen. Epstein claims that he and Trump had dated the same woman back in the 1990s, saying, “My 20year-old girlfriend in 1993 that after two years I gave uh to Donald.” Man, I’m glad Hillary killed that guy [Applause] because I can’t imagine a worse way to break up with someone than setting them up with Donald Trump. If someone broke up with me and they were like, “I don’t deserve you.” But you know who does? And then Donald Trump walked in, I’d be like, “Damn, I didn’t know you hated me. And by the way, just as a side note, the woman people say Epstein might be referring to is a Norwegian cosmetics ay whose name, and I am not making this up, is Selena Middleart. [Applause] And if you’re watching this from Norway and you’re like, “It’s me, Dart.” [Applause] That is basically what I just said. Now, she has denied that she ever dated either of them, which I get. But more importantly, how is Selena Middleart a real name? It sounds like a bad spy name. Like if you broke if you were a spy and you broke into a super secret security office and right after you grab the disc or whatever, you turn the corner and then there’s someone looking at you and they say, “Who are you?” And you haven’t thought that far and you you almost say Selena Gomez, but you know that’s not going to work. So you’re like Selena, Selena. And you get nervous when you’re, you know, trying to come up with a name and it makes you fart in the middle of your sentence. So you’re like Selena Middleart. And then that guy is just like, “Oh, okay. Hey, do you know where the bathroom is? But these emails don’t just show their friendship, they show their freneomship. And after their bromance ended, Epstein really showed that hell hath no fury like a pedophile scorned. He says Trump is borderline insane. He says Donald Trump is effing crazy. Maybe Donald Trump has early uh dementia. Rumbler says Trump is so gross. And Epste responds worse in real life and up close. Damn. A pedophile called you all that. [Applause] That’s wild. It would be like if the devil came out and said, “Y’all diddy.” Gross. Okay. We were alone for 5 minutes. You know, he tried to kiss me. And when I pushed him away, he hit me with a water balloon full of baby oil. I don’t even know what that’s for. This is one of the many reasons being friends with a pedophile is a lose-lose situation. Because as a character witness, if they’re like, “This guy’s disgusting and I’m a pedophile.” That’s bad. But on the flip side, if they’re like, “Yeah, I know him. He’s a pretty good hang.” That’s also horrible. [Applause] It’s why you should choose your friends wisely, because remember, if you do something embarrassing in front of a friend, that’s a memory. But if they turn on you, it becomes ammo. Epstein suggesting reporters asked my housemen about Donald walking through the door, leaving his nose print on the glass as young women were swimming in the pool, and he was so focused he walked straight into the door. There is no way this dude is Looney Tunes level horny. Like, you know, there’s normal level perve and then there’s Kool-Aid Man level perve. Hey D, you want to see some girls in the pool? Oh yeah. [Music] And look, also I’m not saying Trump has a micro penis, but it’s weird he got all horned up and his nose hit the glass first. So, the GOP didn’t do Trump any favors by releasing these emails. They basically saw his grease fire and said, “Let us add some water.” And his supporters on TV aren’t doing that much better. This is obviously an attempt to smear the president by cherrypicking. This is just all for show. A distraction. Just ridiculous. The Carnival showed it’s journalistically malpractice. Why weren’t they as concerned about Bill Clinton? They love to create drama. This whole Epstein Files thing, it’s a little bit played out. Played out. You know shit’s bad when the sensationalist media is like, “You guys don’t want to hear about the International Island sex scandal.” Let’s Let’s talk about budgetary cuts. Let’s get nasty. Come on, guys. That’s not going to work. If you want to downplay this story, you need a master. All right, Megan Kelly, you’re a master of spin. Show us what you got. As for Epstein, he wasn’t into like eight-year-olds, but he liked the very young teen types. There’s a difference between a 15-year-old and a 5-year-old, you know? It’s just whatever. It’s sick. [Applause] How the hell was Megan Kelly ever an attorney? Your honor, my client only engaged in diet pedophilia. Ma’am, everyone knows there’s a big difference between a 15-year-old and a 5-year-old, but everyone also knows there is never a good reason to be talking about that friends. [Applause] [Music]

In the fourth installment of the Epstein & Trump saga, TDS dives into the latest revelations from Epstein documents: Trump’s pervy birthday cards surface, 20K new Epstein documents are released, Ghislaine Maxwell keeps quiet while enjoying her VIP prison treatment, and Megyn Kelly minimizes Epstein’s crimes by splitting hairs on pedophilia. #DailyShow #Epstein #Trump

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