Dear Eric: My parents immigrated after World War II, arriving with $20 and a lot of determination. They worked hard, built a home, a successful business and raised five kids who all went to college and had many more opportunities than they did. Both of our parents passed away a few years ago and I miss them dearly.

One of my brothers has a long-time partner who knew them both but persists in making fun of their frugal habits and mocks their accented-but-fluent English at family gatherings. We only get together a couple times a year.

My brother and other siblings say nothing, and I have been turning away to avoid a confrontation with a person I rarely see. But it is not funny and very hurtful to me. I am finding it harder to keep silent. Should I confront her the next time this happens, talk to my brother to ask him to intervene or continue to bite my tongue?

– Enough Teasing

Dear Enough Teasing: Talk to your brother. His partner’s habit is – I’m going to just say it – weird. The focus on their accents is offensive, the focus on their frugality lacks empathy and the whole thing suggests a person who has a grievance that they need to work on internally, not at the dinner table. It’s time to move on.

Before the next gathering, tell your brother that this habit makes it hard for you to have the relationship you want with the partner and hard for you to enjoy yourself. Ask him to speak with his partner. If he brushes you off or gets defensive, remind him that your parents aren’t there to defend themselves (not that they’d need to) and so to make them the butt of a joke seems cruel.

Perhaps the partner means nothing by it. Great. If it means nothing, it should be no trouble to drop it.

One of the points of a family gathering is to maintain and deepen relationships in the here and now. Rehashing the past with mocking, even if that mocking is meant lovingly, doesn’t really help with that. Especially if it’s landing with a thud on everyone else’s ears. Your boyfriend’s partner should join you in the present.

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.