GA caller is $50K in debt with no retirement savings, no house. The Ramsey Show says it’s time to cancel their lifestyle

Federal research on family stability has found that budgeting, spending, debt and savings are major flashpoints. Programs that focus on helping couples communicate better about money can improve both financial and relationship stability (2).

When one partner is focused on getting debt free and the other keeps spending, every purchase has the potential to become an argument. Studies of couples show that persistent money fights are linked to lower relationship quality and a higher risk of separation, especially when the fights involve debt and day-to-day bills (3).

Financial compatibility does not mean both people have identical habits. What matters is that they agree on the big things. That includes how quickly to pay off debt, how much to save for emergencies and retirement and what lifestyle is realistic for their income. Research has found that couples who talk openly about these issues, set shared goals and work as a team are more satisfied and feel less financial stress, even when money is tight (4).

Jenny and her husband’s problem is not just the $50,000 they owe, it’s the lack of shared ownership over their finances. “He’s not as gung-ho as I am,” she says, “but he’s getting there. He kind of kept the debt from me and we’re trying to live correct right now in every area possible.”

She feels like the responsible one who has to push for change. He acts like things are mostly fine and the debt can wait. That gap in understanding is what the hosts are really trying to close.

Getting out of a mess like this requires both partners to change, not just the worried one who makes the phone call. When Jenny says she is prioritizing spending $1,000 per month on couples counseling, Jade and Ken are fully supportive. “I want to protect [that expense] at all costs,” says Ken, who knows how important it is to invest in a relationship.

For couples who are in Jenny’s situation, there are a few simple steps that will start you down the path to financial independence. First, you need to sit down and make one full financial disclosure. That means printing every statement for credit cards, loans, bank accounts and any small buy now, pay later balances.

Both of you need to sit at the same table and review the total picture. This step is especially important when one spouse has been spending without the other’s knowledge. You cannot heal what you won’t — or can’t — look at.

Second, you should agree on a short, simple list of shared goals. Build a $1,000 starter emergency fund. Pay off non-mortgage debt as quickly as possible, then save three to six months of expenses in cash for an expanded (but still basic) emergency fund. Shared goals move the conversation from “you spend too much” to “how can we reach this target together.”

Third, create a written, zero-based budget that both sign off on every month. In a zero based shared budget, every dollar of income is assigned a job, from rent to groceries to a specific number for fun money and date nights. This method is a cornerstone of The Ramsey Show — because it works.

There’s a lot one person who is determined can do. There’s a lot more that two people working together in harmony can accomplish. That’s the ultimate lesson: United we stand.

We rely only on vetted sources and credible third-party reporting. For details, see our editorial ethics and guidelines.

@TheRamseyShow (1); GovInfo (2); National Library of Medicine (3); NC State University (4)

This article provides information only and should not be construed as advice. It is provided without warranty of any kind.