Boris has come up with a very special way to properly mark the Queen’s Platinum Jubilee:
>With imperial measurements being all the rage amongst disillusioned Brexit voters, the government is keen to harness their fondness for the long-since obsolete by pandering to them in appropriately measured amounts of bullshit.
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On more to mark the occasion:
>[Six cherished things of our past the government is bringing back](https://newsthump.com/2022/05/30/from-asbestos-to-white-dogshit-six-cherished-things-of-our-past-the-government-is-bringing-back/)
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> * Asbestos: Remember when insulating a house was dirt cheap? Or you could get those special gloves that could handle molten steel? All that was possible thanks to asbestos, until meddling eurocrats started virtue-signalling about cancer. Well, the miracle material is coming back to schools and hospitals near you!
>
> * Dubious cartoon memories: Are you adamant you watched children’s telly with characters named Master Bates or Seaman Arsefucker even though it’s oddly impossible to find any footage of this? It will now be a crime to point out you’re clearly talking bollocks.
>
> * Glassings: Once a cherished part of a British weekend, glassings were lost in the swirl of globalisation. We’ll bring back the thrill of not knowing if a night on the town will bring about permanent disfigurement.
>
> * Irish jokes: Too long has Europe imposed on us a vision of Irish people as globally loved citizens of a thriving modern nation. We’ll make the BBC commission comedy shows based on Paddy O’Drunkard tripping over his hod.
>
> * Prima Nocta: No idea what this is but both Jacob Rees-Mogg and Prince Andrew both said it was absolutely vital.
>
> * White dogshit: There was a time you could tell how old a dog turd was by its gradual change into an ashen white lump and you knew it was safe to pick up and play. The EU decided to ban this, or so the Daily Telegraph said. Well, the joke is on them as white dogshit is now going to be a world-beating symbol of Brexit Britain.
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Some of this genuinely sounds like it could be policy!
I know the government has been setting them up but they still have to knock them down. They’ve been on form lately.
Is that a long or a short imperial ton?
I prefer my bullshit to be delivered in Roods thank you very much
How much is a Rood you ask, 1 Rood is 1011.7141056 Square Metres, why? Because Imperial motherfucker
Need a new animal, dead cats are in short supply..
6 comments
Boris has come up with a very special way to properly mark the Queen’s Platinum Jubilee:
>With imperial measurements being all the rage amongst disillusioned Brexit voters, the government is keen to harness their fondness for the long-since obsolete by pandering to them in appropriately measured amounts of bullshit.
–
On more to mark the occasion:
>[Six cherished things of our past the government is bringing back](https://newsthump.com/2022/05/30/from-asbestos-to-white-dogshit-six-cherished-things-of-our-past-the-government-is-bringing-back/)
>
> * Asbestos: Remember when insulating a house was dirt cheap? Or you could get those special gloves that could handle molten steel? All that was possible thanks to asbestos, until meddling eurocrats started virtue-signalling about cancer. Well, the miracle material is coming back to schools and hospitals near you!
>
> * Dubious cartoon memories: Are you adamant you watched children’s telly with characters named Master Bates or Seaman Arsefucker even though it’s oddly impossible to find any footage of this? It will now be a crime to point out you’re clearly talking bollocks.
>
> * Glassings: Once a cherished part of a British weekend, glassings were lost in the swirl of globalisation. We’ll bring back the thrill of not knowing if a night on the town will bring about permanent disfigurement.
>
> * Irish jokes: Too long has Europe imposed on us a vision of Irish people as globally loved citizens of a thriving modern nation. We’ll make the BBC commission comedy shows based on Paddy O’Drunkard tripping over his hod.
>
> * Prima Nocta: No idea what this is but both Jacob Rees-Mogg and Prince Andrew both said it was absolutely vital.
>
> * White dogshit: There was a time you could tell how old a dog turd was by its gradual change into an ashen white lump and you knew it was safe to pick up and play. The EU decided to ban this, or so the Daily Telegraph said. Well, the joke is on them as white dogshit is now going to be a world-beating symbol of Brexit Britain.
–
Some of this genuinely sounds like it could be policy!
I know the government has been setting them up but they still have to knock them down. They’ve been on form lately.
Is that a long or a short imperial ton?
I prefer my bullshit to be delivered in Roods thank you very much
How much is a Rood you ask, 1 Rood is 1011.7141056 Square Metres, why? Because Imperial motherfucker
Need a new animal, dead cats are in short supply..