She had worried about her “body being ruined”, about her family finding out, and that if she said something, it would bring “shame” on her family.
But when she saw a news article in 2007 reporting Smith had been convicted on charges of possession of child exploitation material, she decided she “couldn’t keep this buried any longer”.
She made a police complaint, which led to a criminal trial, and now, following earlier guilty verdicts by a jury, the 69-year-old has been sentenced in the Tauranga District Court.
‘Silence enabled you,’ says victim
Smith was in his late teens in the 1970s, but already married and with a young child, when he offended against a 9-year-old girl in the South Island.
Smith raped the girl on several occasions. The girl was taken into a shed, where she was pinned down by Smith.
She was also made to perform sexual acts on him.
Afterwards, he told her not to tell anyone, or she would be in trouble.
At sentencing, the woman read a victim impact statement in which she described the feelings of shame she had felt as a child.
She had blamed herself for not speaking up sooner and for not stopping him.
“But I was a child. I had no voice. No power. No choice. I now understand this. And none of this was ever my fault.”
She said at that time, those around her had been “taught to keep secrets”.
“But that silence enabled you,” she said.
As she grew up, the trauma of the offending continued to affect her.
“I hated the weak, vulnerable girl I once was who was trodden on, so I built myself into someone who was fiercely strong, invincible, untouchable,” she said.
After decades living with the secret, she “broke” and hit “rock bottom”.
After being confronted by memories of what had happened, there came a time when she just wanted to run away, move overseas, leave her husband and family behind and start again.
However, the impending birth of a grandchild stopped her.
She said when she held the child in her arms, she realised she could “get through this”.
She wanted to be a “better version” of herself, to show her mokopuna that “their Nanny was strong, brave, courageous and had so much love to give”.
She had chosen to speak up, not just for herself, but for others who might have been hurt and for anyone “still living with the shame and silence”.
“And most of all, for the little girl I once was, who lived in fear and cried silent tears into her pillow at night.”
In her statement, she shared her appreciation for the police and Crown, who had believed her – especially Detective Darren Galbraith and Crown Solicitor Anna Pollett – but said the court process had taken a “huge toll”.
“Court delay after court delay and then a court abandonment, which was also nearly my final straw to give up,” she said.
But she was pleased she persevered, though she said her motivation hadn’t been to see the man locked up.
“I didn’t even care if you never even went to jail. An admission and apology would probably have been enough. All I ever wanted was for you to be made accountable.”
‘Taken her about 50 years to work out that none of this was her fault’, says judge
At sentencing, Judge Christopher Harding told Smith his actions had an “enormous, significant and awful effect on [the victim’s] life”.
“She tried to report it on earlier occasions but couldn’t,” the judge said.
“It has taken her about 50 years to work out that none of this was her fault, and of course it was not.”
The judge noted the vulnerability of the victim, who had been a young child with “no hope of escaping you or the situation”.
Judge Harding noted that because the offending took place in the 1970s, he had to apply the sentencing tariffs from the time, not those that exist now.
The Crown sought a starting point of six and a half years, noting there could be a small discount for an emotional harm payment, which had already been made, of $20,000.
“I acknowledge that, but it is not so much a reflection of remorse, in my view, as a reflection of reality,” Judge Harding said.
Judge Harding agreed to the Crown’s proposed starting point, and turned his attention to any discounts available, particularly for Smith’s young age at the time.
He said although Smith had been very young when the sexual assaults happened, he was not “a callow youth inexperienced in ways of the world”.
Smith’s lawyer, Catherine Harold, had earlier highlighted that regardless of Smith’s marital status at the time, it was “well recognised that the brain is still forming and the decision-making isn’t at the level of someone 25 years of age and up”.
However, the judge had a different view, and said any discount should be limited.
“You were employed, you had a wife, you had a young child. Those responsibilities which you had accepted, in my view, mitigate the amount of discount for youthful lack of thinking which might otherwise be available,” he said.
Judge Harding also said Smith’s health issues could be “actively dealt with within the prison system”.
After discounts were applied for youth, the emotional harm payment, and impact of imprisonment, Smith received an end sentence of five years’ imprisonment.
Judge Harding made an order for emotional harm reparation of $20,000, but acknowledged it had already been paid.
The judge became visibly emotional when he commended the victim for her bravery, for being able to stand and read her victim impact statement in court.
‘I am now free,’ says woman
Speaking to NZME after sentencing, the woman described complex feelings about the end of the court process, given the elderly man had been sent to prison.
She also spoke of the help she had needed before she had felt strong enough to report Smith: GP visits, discussions with her family, counselling sessions, and conversations with trusted friends who listened to her.
She’d experienced years of anger that would bubble to the surface when she didn’t expect it, triggered by things she hadn’t processed.
She had grown up to be tough, and fiercely protective of her own children, reflecting that she “probably went too far at times” because she was “never protected” as a child.
But now she felt proud of how far she had come.
At the conclusion of her victim impact statement, she had reflected on this.
“I think that little girl that I once was, can now see, none of this was her fault … I now know I am brave, I am content, and I am true to myself. And most importantly, I am now free.”
Hannah Bartlett is a Tauranga-based Open Justice reporter at NZME. She previously covered court and local government for the Nelson Mail, and before that was a radio reporter at Newstalk ZB.