Very early on Saturday morning, February 28, the United States and Israel launched what President Donald Trump called “major combat operations” in Iran, issuing military strikes. The move surprised many Americans — including the writers at Saturday Night Live, as Trump (James Austin Johnson) explained during the cold open to Connor Storrie‘s episode.
“People are asking, ‘Why attack Iran now? Well, we had to strike in the early hours of Saturday, which has two advantages militarily,” Johnson’s Trump explained. “One, it’s after the stock market closes for the weekend. And, two, it’s to cause immeasurable fear, rage, and chaos in the SNL writers’ room.”
“Those guys were going crazy,” he continued. “They probably had a big State of the Union address thing they were gonna do. Not anymore! Jeremy [Culhane] was in it. Poor Jeremy. He’s got a light show. Put the whole thing in the trash and start fresh! We love that for them.” It’s almost like the SNL writers were trying to tell us something.
Colin Jost later returned as former Fox News anchor Pete Hegseth, whose title is Secretary of War after the Trump administration changed the Department of Defense’s name. His goal: To defend what he himself calls a “half-baked operation.”
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Donald Trump and Pete Hegseth (kind of) explain the U.S. attack on Iran
“As we all know, Iran has been two weeks away from developing a nuclear weapon for like, the last 15 years or something, so we had to act now. And we’re doing war,” SNL’s Trump explained in his address. “War! What is it good for? / Distracting from the Epstein files,” he added, breaking into song.
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“To all my MAGA voters who are upset and saying, ‘This is not what I voted for,’ well, you did. Don’t you know who I am? I’m me,” he continued. “Even I don’t know what I’m gonna do next.”
But when it came to defending the choice to enter into war with Iran alongside Israel, Trump let Hegseth do the heavy lifting.
“They asked for someone to volunteer to oversee this half-baked operation, and I didn’t walk. Iran,” Jost’s Hegseth said.
“But don’t let my confident demeanor fool you. I am scared, and I don’t know what I’m doing,” Hegseth admitted. “When he said we were gonna blow up the leader of Iran, I thought he was kidding. And now, all day long, I’ve been hearing people say, ‘Why did we do this? What’s the reason for this war?'”
Ultimately, Jost’s Hegseth thinks “all of you should be thanking us. We took out a horrendous, horrible leader who was oppressing his own people.”
“But don’t get any ideas!” Trump interjected.