It should read *‘Nobody has accused me of molesting them yet’*
My “I have never sexually assaulted anyone” T-shirt has people asking a lot of questions already answered by my shirt.
Let’s hope it is not another election promise that is broken if he gets elected.
Phew, I was worried there for a second
Notice that is doesn’t claim to have not committed genocide though…
Not sure I personally will be adding that detail to my LinkedIn profile
:’I do look at children but I look at children in a proper way’ representing some Christian group, where have we heard that before lol
WE DIDN’T BURN HIM
We now know, officially, how low the bar is set.
Well done so this is where we are now not a Rapist or fucking abuser is a argument for being the good guy wtf
Can you hear that sound?
That’s the sound of bars being set so low they are scraping the ground.
Alright so we can all agree that the previous MP was a wrongun and has been sentenced accordingly…but how is a comment like this from someone representing that party accepted as a Christian thing to do?
“We didn’t burn him!”
A plain speaking Yorkshireman.
I didn’t fuck my cat. I didn’t cum on my cat. I didn’t put my dick anywhere near my cat.
Yet. Has never sexually assaulted anyone yet.
Christ, have we really reached the point where politicians are campaigning on _not being a sex offender?_
Parting from wider Tory policy…
That seems to be a remarkable achievement for a politician.
“Paul Bickerdake also said: ‘I do look at children but I look at children in a proper way, not the way that the previous MP was looking at children’”
Lollll
I think the story here is that the other 14 candidates are being less than clear on the sexual assault question.
New bill passed tomorrow. If mp sexually assaults anyone, he won’t have to resign. Just apologise.
Let’s face facts – the Tories have been fucking *everyone* in Britain (apart from their chums and donors) for the last 12 years and for a longer period in the 80s and 90s.
I wonder if this candidate has viewed any pictures of tractors, though?
“We didn’t burn him!”
I suppose he wants people to know he would be different from most Conservative MPs.
I have never sexually assaulted anyone…yet.
“Hello? Is that operation Yew Tree?”
Fuckinell some authority grab his hard drive.
Not going to judge a book by its cover but……if he was a book i would not let him babysit my kids.
Tories out here playing “never have I ever” but with heinous crimes.
Now there’s a man you can trust
> “Thanks to certain disgraced Tory MPs I know the bar set for candidates is low but there’s no need to declare you’ve not sexually assaulted anyone on your election leaflet.”
XD
He should write a song about how he doesn’t diddle kids.
Very appealing tag line.
“Vote for me, people. It is not true that I am a perv or a nonce.”
When challenged by a reporter that he had been sighted practicing ‘philately’ with a ten year old child, he stammered and flushed, confused.
Too bad he didn’t have the wits to demand the reporter spell out the quoted word, because it means the hobby of stamp collecting.
Tabloids. 🙄
What makes me physically sick though is that 30% of the public will willingly vote for known rapists and paedophiles, no matter what.
Is this what is called foreshadowing in the movies?
It has a “when did you stop beating your wife?” vibe about it.
Not sure it’s going to win him as many votes as he thinks.
Still getting confused by which political articles are satire tbh
So is this really the standard that is being set now? Fucks sake, I fucking hate the Tories. And I use to be one. I can’t believe how blindsided I was.
Damn if this is the bar then it’s my time to shine in politics.
Headline definitely reads like a Newsthump article.
> Labour member Julia Suzanne shared a picture of the leaflet, which you can view below, saying: “Thanks to certain disgraced Tory MPs I know the bar set for candidates is low but there’s no need to declare you’ve not sexually assaulted anyone on your election leaflet.”
I dunno… if I were living in Wakefield, Paul would definitely have my vote.
In all seriousness, I find it sad that the bar has been lowered so much that you can run on the platform of not being a filthy nonce. Starting to think that Idiocracy wasn’t a sitcom but rather a documentary.
41 comments
His photo begs to differ.
It should read *‘Nobody has accused me of molesting them yet’*
My “I have never sexually assaulted anyone” T-shirt has people asking a lot of questions already answered by my shirt.
Let’s hope it is not another election promise that is broken if he gets elected.
Phew, I was worried there for a second
Notice that is doesn’t claim to have not committed genocide though…
Not sure I personally will be adding that detail to my LinkedIn profile
:’I do look at children but I look at children in a proper way’ representing some Christian group, where have we heard that before lol
WE DIDN’T BURN HIM
We now know, officially, how low the bar is set.
Well done so this is where we are now not a Rapist or fucking abuser is a argument for being the good guy wtf
Can you hear that sound?
That’s the sound of bars being set so low they are scraping the ground.
Alright so we can all agree that the previous MP was a wrongun and has been sentenced accordingly…but how is a comment like this from someone representing that party accepted as a Christian thing to do?
“We didn’t burn him!”
A plain speaking Yorkshireman.
I didn’t fuck my cat. I didn’t cum on my cat. I didn’t put my dick anywhere near my cat.
Yet. Has never sexually assaulted anyone yet.
Christ, have we really reached the point where politicians are campaigning on _not being a sex offender?_
Parting from wider Tory policy…
That seems to be a remarkable achievement for a politician.
“Paul Bickerdake also said: ‘I do look at children but I look at children in a proper way, not the way that the previous MP was looking at children’”
Lollll
I think the story here is that the other 14 candidates are being less than clear on the sexual assault question.
New bill passed tomorrow. If mp sexually assaults anyone, he won’t have to resign. Just apologise.
Let’s face facts – the Tories have been fucking *everyone* in Britain (apart from their chums and donors) for the last 12 years and for a longer period in the 80s and 90s.
I wonder if this candidate has viewed any pictures of tractors, though?
“We didn’t burn him!”
I suppose he wants people to know he would be different from most Conservative MPs.
I have never sexually assaulted anyone…yet.
“Hello? Is that operation Yew Tree?”
Fuckinell some authority grab his hard drive.
Not going to judge a book by its cover but……if he was a book i would not let him babysit my kids.
[Relevant](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_YmDcCpD1gc)
Tories out here playing “never have I ever” but with heinous crimes.
Now there’s a man you can trust
> “Thanks to certain disgraced Tory MPs I know the bar set for candidates is low but there’s no need to declare you’ve not sexually assaulted anyone on your election leaflet.”
XD
He should write a song about how he doesn’t diddle kids.
Very appealing tag line.
“Vote for me, people. It is not true that I am a perv or a nonce.”
When challenged by a reporter that he had been sighted practicing ‘philately’ with a ten year old child, he stammered and flushed, confused.
Too bad he didn’t have the wits to demand the reporter spell out the quoted word, because it means the hobby of stamp collecting.
Tabloids. 🙄
What makes me physically sick though is that 30% of the public will willingly vote for known rapists and paedophiles, no matter what.
Is this what is called foreshadowing in the movies?
It has a “when did you stop beating your wife?” vibe about it.
Not sure it’s going to win him as many votes as he thinks.
Still getting confused by which political articles are satire tbh
So is this really the standard that is being set now? Fucks sake, I fucking hate the Tories. And I use to be one. I can’t believe how blindsided I was.
Damn if this is the bar then it’s my time to shine in politics.
Headline definitely reads like a Newsthump article.
> Labour member Julia Suzanne shared a picture of the leaflet, which you can view below, saying: “Thanks to certain disgraced Tory MPs I know the bar set for candidates is low but there’s no need to declare you’ve not sexually assaulted anyone on your election leaflet.”
I dunno… if I were living in Wakefield, Paul would definitely have my vote.
In all seriousness, I find it sad that the bar has been lowered so much that you can run on the platform of not being a filthy nonce. Starting to think that Idiocracy wasn’t a sitcom but rather a documentary.