WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—An awkward scene unfolded at Tuesday’s Cabinet meeting after JD Vance covered a seemingly unresponsive Donald J. Trump with a sheet.
His eyes closed and head slumped forward, Trump had been motionless for over seven minutes before Vance gently shrouded him.
“We have lost a great president and a great American,” said Vance, speaking to his colleagues from prepared remarks. “No one can hope to fill his Florsheims, but from this day forward I will strive to—”
“Get away from me!” Trump bellowed as he threw off the sheet. “You’re the bastard who killed the Pope!”
