I left my life in New York City in search of community and belonging—in Tel Aviv, I found it.
One year ago I decided to leave New York City and move to Tel Aviv. In the wake of October 7th and amid growing antisemitism in the US, I was feeling more isolated than ever. After a two-week volunteering trip to Israel, my mind was made up: that’s where I had to be. In New York, it seemed like no one understood what I was going through, but in Israel, we were all living it together.
The sense of community and belonging I felt during those weeks in Tel Aviv was overwhelming; even in the midst of an ongoing war I lived without fear of being myself. I could wear my Star of David necklace proudly, talk about Jewish topics in public, and found that observing my religious and cultural traditions was the norm—not the thing that set me apart.
It was this taste of true acceptance I had never really experienced in the States that drove me, as a single, 31-year-old woman with a successful career, to leave everything I knew behind and move to a different country.
Moving to Tel Aviv meant changing every aspect of my life, down to the smallest detail. From my phone number and phone plan to my language, job, health insurance, bank account, citizenship, apartment, culture, friends, and of course, dating, once I made the move, nothing stayed the same.
Now, after living here for a year, I can truly say I have never been happier. The total shift in culture from living to work in New York City to working to live in a society that primarily values community in Tel Aviv has given my life so much more purpose. I live next to the Mediterranean Sea and go to the beach every day. I’ve met like-minded locals and expats who understand me in a way that people in my old life never could. The sense of joy, belonging, and inner peace I feel living here now is unparalleled, and I honestly don’t know if I’ll ever move back to the States.
From making new friends as an adult to navigating dating in a foreign country and logistical considerations, moving to Israel posed unique challenges
While I tried to prepare as best I could ahead of my move, the bulk of the logistics, like completing my citizenship, setting up my phone plan and bank account, and finding an apartment, could only happen once I was boots on the ground. Dealing with Israeli bureaucracy felt like a form of hazing all new “Olim,” or expats, have to contend with before they can officially consider themselves locals.
Dating, however, has been a significantly easier process. I’ve found Israeli men to be considerably more forthcoming than Americans. Whether you’re minding your business at a coffee shop, sitting on the beach, walking down the street, or shopping at the supermarket, men will find an excuse to approach you and ask you out. Before they even know your native language, you’ve already been invited to Shabbat dinner with his parents and his cousin’s wedding next weekend. But all jokes aside, the nuances of dating in another language, discerning a potential suitor’s true intentions, and managing cultural differences are all very real challenges you have to navigate as an expat in a new country, and are largely the reasons why after a year, I am still single!
But when it comes to making new friends, I’ve been pleasantly surprised—shocked, even—by the ease and openness with which I was immediately accepted by both Israelis and other Olim from around the globe. I’ve made friends from Argentina, Australia, Canada, Chile, France, Mexico, South Africa, the UK, and beyond with whom I’ve felt an instant bond. While I’ve only known these people for a maximum of a year, the quality of these relationships feels more substantial than many of my past friendships. That’s because they’re rooted in our shared culture and religion, love for Israel, and the search for acceptance we were not finding in our home countries.
As for the Israelis, I’ve found them to be warm, loyal, and resilient—and once you’re their friend, they’re yours for life. Often, when they learn I moved here without any family, they’ll invite me to their homes for Shabbat dinner and insist on treating me as part of theirs. If that’s not community I genuinely don’t know what is.
In contrast to NYC’s individualist mentality, Israeli culture is focused on community
For Israelis, life isn’t easy. We live in a complicated part of the world that’s continuously at war. But it’s because of this that people here look at life as a gift; they enjoy every moment they can, they spend quality time with friends and family, they sit in a cafe on a Tuesday at 2 p.m. with their friends and talk about what it means to be alive. They laugh, dance, cook, eat, and thrive. Israeli culture is about living, often against all odds, and the people here do it well.
To me, it feels warm, and in complete contrast to my life in New York, which felt cold, almost sterile. I had many friends and acquaintances in the city, but there was an underlying sense of competition among us. My conversations mainly centered on how successful you are in your career, how many people you’re currently dating (and how successful they are in their careers), what you’re wearing, and how expensive it was (or, for those truly holier than thou, that they thrifted it from Brooklyn).
Today I feel a connection to my culture, religion, people, and myself that has brought me a sense of peace I didn’t know was possible
Before leaving New York, I didn’t realize that life doesn’t have to be so hard. That when you’re in the right place, things just flow, life feels easy, and when you have a community to rely on, even the worst things don’t feel quite so unbearable.
I’m not sure if I believe in destiny, but I think maybe my path was always leading me here. I finally feel that I’m where I belong, where I was always meant to be.
And when I look back on my life, I’ll know that at least I ate the rugelach, I rolled the cigarette, I drank the wine, and I wasted time I didn’t have sitting outside on my balcony above the shuk watching the sunset, listening to the sounds of Tel Aviv below while the breeze blew through my hair. And I was happy.
Sophie Mendel is former editor at Travel + Leisure, now a freelance travel, lifestyle, and restaurants journalist and copywriter (major outlets include The Michelin Guide, Four Seasons, Lonely Planet, and TripAdvisor). She has traveled to 53 countries, speaks three languages, and has more than seven years of publishing experience.