Heights and looks in a relationship

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Just a few comments in and I can see the response is a bit negative, just want to emphasize my point is to embrace the things you can’t change about yourself at the same time as working on the things you can change in order to boost your confidence.

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Saw this in the Irish Times (sorry there’s a paywall) and while there is some good advice about relationships not being determined by physical attraction I think the writer misses an opportunity to talk about confidence and self improvement rather than politics.

[https://www.irishtimes.com/health/your-wellness/2022/07/03/my-girlfriend-is-really-attractive-im-5ft-5in-and-well-rounded-i-worry-she-will-realise-she-can-do-better-than-me/](https://www.irishtimes.com/health/your-wellness/2022/07/03/my-girlfriend-is-really-attractive-im-5ft-5in-and-well-rounded-i-worry-she-will-realise-she-can-do-better-than-me/)

“Shorter actors such as Tom Cruise and Robert Downey jnr are often filmed while wearing high heels, standing on boxes, or while their female costars literally stand in ditches so that the men can look taller, enforcing the absurd idea that men are only appealing when taller than their love interests, and that tall women should be embarrassed for daring to be taller than a man. By perpetuating these tropes, we perpetuate these damaging heteronormative ideas of attractiveness and gender, asserting that to be shorter than a woman is to be less masculine, less attractive; and that for women to be attractive, they need to take up less space — and, importantly, exist in ways that never make men feel uncomfortable or less than.”

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The reality is women just find taller men attractive in the same way men find slimmer women attractive, that can’t really be changed. But as a shorter guy myself (5’7 or 171cm) I think the message to this guy should be to work on other elements of himself to boost his confidence. You can’t change your height but he mentions he’s heavy too… so that is something he can change. It’s a bit sad the writer doesn’t even recommend he loose weight or try to get into shape. Similarly enough while the writer brings up personality she forgets to mention things like charm and charisma also need to be developed. Ultimately confidence is something that turns nearly every woman and from what he wrote it seems like he’s lacking it. Beyond that everyone values a competent partner, so there are skills he can develop to keep his gf happy in the relationship.

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Finally, looks are important in a relationship. While I’m with my current gf because of her personality, if I didn’t find her attractive I certainly wouldn’t of hung around long enough to find out about her great personality.